xpaperxcutx Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 My bf and I became official the day before Christmas Eve, and we've been together together for almost two weeks. One huge prob: we always argue. I admit that I would be the one to initiate the argument by bringing up the question of "us", but then he would take it personal and think that I'm breaking up with him. Not that I haven't considered it. The problem is that I constantly think that we'd rushed into the relationship too fast. We don't have any trust issues, because this is my first relationship, and he's not the cheating type. And we're obviously made for each other. But I can't help thinking that we're too emotionally attached too soon, and I sometimes find myself thinking am I wasting my time on him? He's 20, and is currently unemployed. He stays home all day doing nothing, except go online and occasionally play video games (either by himself or with friends). I have discussed with him countless times about getting his priorities straight, but all he's told me is that he's gonna get his GED in April, and that he's looking for a job now. And then he tries to turn it on me by saying what do you want me to do? I mean I try to be patient with him, but it's frustrating and irksome to have to "baby" him sometimes.... Am I doing something wrong? I've even tried to break it softly to him that maybe we should take a break and just focus on our own persons at the moment, but he won't allow it. I mean I love him, but what do I have to do to make him grow up?
lbabe Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 You just need to focus on yourself and don't mother him. He will become co-dependant on you and will never grow up. Dont give him too much or do too much for him....i made that mistake and it ended in disaster...
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Am I understanding it correctly that you have only been togther for two weeks? or just been official for two weeks and been seeing each other for a while....
Citizen Erased Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 The problem is that I constantly think that we'd rushed into the relationship too fast. We don't have any trust issues, because this is my first relationship, and he's not the cheating type. And we're obviously made for each other. But I can't help thinking that we're too emotionally attached too soon, and I sometimes find myself thinking am I wasting my time on him? He's 20, and is currently unemployed. He stays home all day doing nothing, except go online and occasionally play video games (either by himself or with friends). This entire paragraph points to the fact that you are not right for each other at the moment. You are already having doubts, he is unemployed and his life is uncertain at the moment. I don't know your history, but these all suggest its not meant to be..for the moment
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Am I understanding it correctly that you have only been togther for two weeks? or just been official for two weeks and been seeing each other for a while.... We've been official for almost two weeks now, but yes, we've known each other for two months. We were kinda FWB, but then we kinda got personal.
jumping-jacks Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 It sounds like you have some different concerns. On his job prospects and that stuff you have to decide if its someone worth being with. GED at 20 is not the best situation in less you are motivated to motor through college.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 This entire paragraph points to the fact that you are not right for each other at the moment. You are already having doubts, he is unemployed and his life is uncertain at the moment. I don't know your history, but these all suggest its not meant to be..for the moment I agree with you. That's why I believed I kinda rushed into the whole relationship. The thing is that I met him through myspace and at first it was a completely platonic relationship. I saw him as a friend, but as time went on like and we met in person, our mutual feelings developed into something more. He was the first to express his desire to be with me, I was the skeptical one. I never really wanted a relationship, just something to preoccupy myself with. But he was very persistent, not to mention sweet and caring. And I felt the same way about him by that time. So I just decided to take a gamble.
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Ok, that gives me a better perspective. Fighting is never a great way to engage one another in a relationship.... but depending on how you fight, it can still be a healthy part of a relationship. He's young.... I'll start by saying that. The lack of ambition is most likely a phase. Sometimes the more you push something on someone- the more they resist. See if things change when you stop talking to him about it. If it doesn't change after a bit of time... you'll have to revisit the issue and decide if you want to remain in a relationship with him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 It sounds like you have some different concerns. On his job prospects and that stuff you have to decide if its someone worth being with. GED at 20 is not the best situation in less you are motivated to motor through college. Well the thing is that he's really passionate about film. And once he gets his GED, he wants to enroll in his local community college. I found his ambition very attractive, but at the same time skeptical about his actions in persuing his dreams. He has asked me to trust him and believe him but he has yet to show any amount of effort.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Ok, that gives me a better perspective. Fighting is never a great way to engage one another in a relationship.... but depending on how you fight, it can still be a healthy part of a relationship. He's young.... I'll start by saying that. The lack of ambition is most likely a phase. Sometimes the more you push something on someone- the more they resist. See if things change when you stop talking to him about it. If it doesn't change after a bit of time... you'll have to revisit the issue and decide if you want to remain in a relationship with him. Well we did have a talk tonight over Aim on the subject of our constant arguing. Since the day we got together, we've had an argument everyday. I was always the one bringing up my doubts on the subject of "us" because: a) I have alot of insecurities b) I don't understand what he sees in me and why for the matter he would care so much c) do I feel the same way as him And though we're both stubborn, he was always the one to back off of it argument, before it escalated.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Ok, there's a whole lot of different problems I see here. For one, that last part you mentioned, "I don't understand what he sees in me and why he cares so much." That's not healthy at all. If you are confident in yourself, if you are sure of who YOU are, then you don't need to question what he sees in you. You say he has ambitions, dreams, of going to college and all. But about the GED, what has he done to get to that first step? He's at home all day playing video games? How is he pursuing his dream by doing that? I don't want to sound mean or harsh, I was just wondering what the situation on the GED is, as that is his first step? Now the relationship is very new. And it seems to me you two aren't completely on the same page. I think that's why you argue on the "us" topic. That's one thing that a couple really shouldn't argue about. It should be solid and unquestionable. But again, it's a new relationship. You have to resolve that part. And finally, what do YOU want out of this? What's important to you? Are you happy with the idea of what he wants to do, as much as what he does right now? Aspirations are a great thing, but he needs to get there. And that needs to be his focus. Only when you are both confident in yourselves, happy where you are at individually, will you be ready for a strong healthy commitment.
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