JackOfClubs Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Say the object of your affection (OOYA), given a choice of you or somebody else, decides to go with the somebody else. If later on, something happened where your OOYA decides that she chose poorly and tries to return to you (assuming you haven't moved on yet), would you take her back? Better to be her second choice than not at all? Especially if you really loved her? (Replace any female references with male references if you are a woman as I wouldn't mind either gender's perspective...)
Florida Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Interesting dilemma, I would say no. I think even if it seems a good thing, once reality sets in, a lot of resentment will build and build because the initial feeling of rejection is still a reality. Then the anger would come up-why did you not chose me first? Why this, why that, until it ends.
Trialbyfire Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 JOC, was this girl in a relationship with you or was it a dating situation? While I've never been in this situation before, I doubt I would take anyone back.
mistieyed Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Say the object of your affection (OOYA), given a choice of you or somebody else, decides to go with the somebody else. If later on, something happened where your OOYA decides that she chose poorly and tries to return to you (assuming you haven't moved on yet), would you take her back? Better to be her second choice than not at all? Especially if you really loved her? (Replace any female references with male references if you are a woman as I wouldn't mind either gender's perspective...) i have been in a similar situation with a guy friend. he chose to date someone else over me for a while only to find out she was not a good fit for him ultimately - i have always cared for him quite a bit (not to mention i knew we were a better fit), but find myself angry at times that he chose her over such an obvious match. i realized while watching his growth through their relationship that i was better off to not be with him during that time. the person that he is now would make me have to think seriously about giving him another chance. but the question still sits in my head as to whether or not i would be second choice (definitely something that would have to be discussed for me to understand his reasons and to clean the air) - people change and quite frankly, sometimes they don't know what they have until it is not there.
underpants Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Say the object of your affection (OOYA), given a choice of you or somebody else, decides to go with the somebody else. If later on, something happened where your OOYA decides that she chose poorly and tries to return to you (assuming you haven't moved on yet), would you take her back? Better to be her second choice than not at all? Especially if you really loved her? (Replace any female references with male references if you are a woman as I wouldn't mind either gender's perspective...) With terms such as 'really love' and 'moved on'. I take it that some investing of emotions were involved. No and here is why. I would be concerned that this person was merely exploring options. They opted for another option and that did not work out so back to option number 2. Floating between options and transitioning between people does not the best partner make. Superficial relationships and not being able to handle a transition time alone is telling. Then there is always a possible (even if not acknowledged) motive of not being fully over option 1 and using option 2 for a multitude of outcomes...rarely a good outcome for option 2. Maybe after a significant amount of time (6 or more months) away from option 1, but most likely, still no. Sounds like rebound stuff.
Saxis Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 No way... Trust and respect are just gone after they leave. Someone on here even has a signature about this. (Sorry, I forget who it was. )
CaliGuy Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Say the object of your affection (OOYA), given a choice of you or somebody else, decides to go with the somebody else. If later on, something happened where your OOYA decides that she chose poorly and tries to return to you (assuming you haven't moved on yet), would you take her back? Better to be her second choice than not at all? Especially if you really loved her? (Replace any female references with male references if you are a woman as I wouldn't mind either gender's perspective...) Nope. I'd much rather give someone else the chance to make me 1st in their lives than to be someone else's "consolation prize." And if she left you once, odds are, she'll leave you again when she thinks someone better has come along. You may have really loved her but her actions show she never really loved you. Can you live a life of doubt and no trust? Not me. No way. Cheers.
Author JackOfClubs Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Good replies, all. It was a dating situation that was becoming serious. I told her I didn't want to be a rebound, but she insisted that I wasn't. In the end, she returned to her ex. As for the ex, let me tell you: if someone had told me years ago that all I had to do to win the loyalty of a hotty was to beat her into submission, i would have tried it myself. Joking aside (I know, woman abuse is no laughing matter), it was a lesson in relationships 101: don't try starting something with someone if they're not over the previous person.
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