me1013 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Ok, please be nice...I haven't dated in 5 years so I'm a little out of it here! Anyways, I have an online business so I'm online all the time...one day I got an IM from a guy I had added to my AIM a long time ago (when aol instant messenger let u search for people by occupation, age, schools, etc.) Anyways, we got to chatting but I had a boyfriend at the time. Needless to say, I broke up with my boyfriend. Not cuz of the guy who IM'd me, but because it wasn't working out. He let me know he was interested in me, and said he wanted to take me on a date. Well, he is in med school and I work full-time and we were both really busy. So, anyways, our schedules never really worked out. He would always ask me to hang out when I had to work, and we planned a date a WEEK in advance but he had to stay late...at first I thought, ok, he is canceling our first date...that can't be good..but he seemed really apologetic and asked if we could reschedule. I asked him if he wasn't interested, to just tell me now...and he said, no, he was. So, anyways, I said I was really disappointed cuz I wasn't going to have a lot of free time until the next year (this is true, wasn't making it up...the new year was in about two weeks, lol...and he lives about an hour away) I sent him a text a few days later to make sure he knew I was still interested even though I was busy, and we talked on the phone. He asked me out for the next two days but I was of course, busy. Ugh. I wish he'd give me a little more notice then two days! Anyways, he kept calling it a date, and considering I had just got out of a five year relationship, he lives an hour away, and we never even saw each other in person, I joked, "let's not call it a date. too much pressure." He seemed ok with it and laughed, and then I never heard from him again! Christmas came and he didn't respond to my merry christmas text (we talked by text a lot cuz of schedules...he was always in class, I was always on the phone with my business clients) It was just easier by text, even though we both preferred phone. It's been a week and a half and I haven't heard from him, but he did say happy new year to my happy new year text. I know he probably got sick of my never being available, but he was busy too. I just can't help but feel like he thinks I'm not really interested, and it just sucks cuz a few more weeks and I would have had more time. It was just really bad timing. I'm afraid if I try to ask what is going on and if I tell him I'm sorry if I came across like I wasn't interested, blahblah he'll think I'm just desperate. So, would it seem desperate if I called him up and just tried to see if he was still interested, or if he wasn't? I can handle it if he isn't, but I just don't want to leave it with it being because he didn't think I was cuz I really was! Ok, yeah...hope I didn't confuse everyone too much!
phoensam Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I cannot believe no one has replied to your post! It is really hard to know what he is thinking at the moment. But if you don't want to give up on it just yet, I'd contact him & ask him out on a specific date, a day that you both know you will be free. That will tell him you are still interested. If he declines, then I'd try to forget about him. But maybe he'll say yes, and you can get that first meeting over with! Good luck
melodymatters Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Ok you said you hadn't talked to him in a week and a half, and now you won't be free for a "few more weeks". Wait until you ARE free, some time has passed so you don't seem desperate, and then call all cheery : " My life finally calmed down, yea ! I hope you had a great new year and wanted to know if you still wanted to get together !" Thats breezy, no pressure, and if it's meant to be, it shall ! good luck
EYECANDY000 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 you wouldn't seem desperate by calling him. he is probaly awaitng you to call him since he keeps initiating contact and your unavailable. No one likes to keeps asking someone out and keep getting rejected ,even though it is the truth.Don't send a text! call him and let him know your work schedule is less hectic now.
Trialbyfire Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I would back off of this guy and let him come to you. If he asks you out again and you're busy, suggest a day that works for you and see what he says. In giving an alternate date, it gives him the understanding that you're honestly busy but interested. If you're always too busy, it leaves him with the impression that you're either blowing him off, playing games or even if you were really that busy, when will you ever have time for him?
shockandawed Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Text messaging has to be the biggest source of miscommunication on the planet. You both seem interested but busy. You seem professional. My advise would be to simply pick up the phone and call him. It doesn't sound desperate. There are a lot of mixed signals and they need to be cleared up. Call him and tell him you are definitely interested in getting together. It is a date, let it be called that. Don't worry about that kind of stuff, nothing takes the wind out of the sails quicker than someone being uptight or having a hangup on things such as that. Don't get off the phone until you have that date. Don't let him say I will check and get back or leave it vaguely that you will be busy in a few weeks. Just ask him when the next free date he has available to get together. If you are busy that day, ask for another. There is a possibility he is thinking if you were interested, you would have been able to make a few hours available for him at some point.
compassion42 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I agree, go ahead and let him know that you are still interested. Suggest a few options for possible get together/meeting and tell him that you're really looking forward to finally meeting in person. I have a feeling he just needs a little encouragement after so many refusals.
Jilly Bean Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Yes, I think you may have played it a bit too cool and come off as not interested. Particularly with the "lets not call it a date" comment. If you dont hear from him soon, then yes, pick up the phone and call him.
Recommended Posts