dk78 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Any advice would be really appreciated. I've never had anything like this happen before. I have a job where I work at another company, but I’m not an employee there. Long story. I’ve been seeing this guy that works there everyday for the last few weeks and he’s always been very flirty. I was immediately attracted to him. I ended up going to a party at his place on New Years, where all his friends were. The minute I got there he was showing me around, showing me his cat, playing the guitar and focusing exclusively on me. I had never felt as comfortable around anyone like that before. He put his arm around me and I put one of mine around his back, as well. He must’ve said at least 10 times, “I really want to hang out with you again”. I’ve known guys who are players and I always brush them off. He has SOME aspects of their “smoothness” but there is something else there. I can’t put my finger on it at all and it is so intriguing yet so annoying. Which is probably the reason why I ended up sleeping with him that night. Anyways, At this point we were both drunk, but he followed me into the hallway and faced me and then became all adorable and goes, “kiss me?” his eyes looked so soft so we both leaned in and there was instant chemistry. It was incredible. Of course some of his immature friends were watching, but I didn’t care at this point. Right after that we found our way to his bedroom, which conveniently has a HUGE king sized bed that he’d asked me to feel earlier and referenced when I had asked him if he had a couch to sleep on. Next thing I knew he was pulling of my clothes and was adorable with my shirt. It had many buttons on it and he was like “there are so many buttons, please help me”. I couldn’t, because I was drunk and my acrylic nails aren’t good for buttoning/unbuttoning the shirt. He eventually got it and the bra off, but it didn’t seem too difficult for him to do. He constantly said my name and asked me what I wanted and didn’t expect me to do anything for him. What type of guy doesn’t expect anything? He was so passionate, gentle and amazing. It was incredible. Aren’t players just selfish when it comes to sex? He wasn’t at all. A little while into it, I told him I was a virgin and he paused and asked if it was ok to continue, I said to. I wanted him to. Anyhow, we wake up the next morning and at this point, he is completely naked. I had put one of his shirts and my jeans back on since I had to stumble out and use the bathroom in front of all his friends. :/ He wakes up completely naked and says “why am I naked?” And then he says he doesn’t remember ANYTHING. He did get sick during the middle of the night, but I just thought he was SO coherent during everything else! I don’t understand how that happened. I think he might be feeling bad because I was a virgin and he didn’t want me to think that he didn’t care that I was or something? I think he had a very “convenient blackout” and I don’t know if I fully believe that. He repeatedly has asked “are we cool?” I’ve said yes, every time he’s asked since then. He had to go to work and as I was getting dressed, he insisted that I go back to sleep and I happily obliged. This way, I didn’t have to leave in front of all his friends. He also said to call him, which I didn’t know to be a positive or negative thing, but took it as positive since “I’ll call you” is quite cliché. He also said "well, as long as you didn't do anything that you didn't regret". He HAD to of remembered that I was a virgin. I ended up losing my purse that had a brand new phone in it at his place so I had to call him right after I left that morning. This was so embarrassing. I thought I wouldn’t have to talk to him until I saw him again at work. He didn’t return the call until he got out of work and when he called I asked if he had gotten my message. He said he hadn’t yet but saw that I called and couldn’t discuss what had happened at work, hence the reason for him taking so long to call. He said he’d check when he got home later that night and see if my purse was there. On that call he said “I just want you to know that I’m not the kind of guy that gets drunk and sleeps with girls”. And I said, no I’m nothing like that at all, either. I couldn’t say much because I didn’t have any privacy. He asked if “we’re cool” again and I said yes. Earlier this afternoon, I still hadn’t heard back from him and I was desperate to know if he had found my purse that contained a $650 cell phone. He answered and said that he was “looking at it right now”. I wondered why he hadn’t called to tell me? Was he waiting for my call? Ugh. I then repeated that I had never done anything like that before and he was just like “oh don’t worry, it was all me, I become very smooth when I’m drunk, it was my fault, **** happens when you’re drunk.” I really think he does remember it, but doesn’t want to admit it. Then he mentioned how complicated it was because he had to deal with all his friends that were there and they definitely all knew what we were doing in his room. So I feel bad about that part….that has to be awkward. I have to see him tomorrow to get my purse; I’m going to pick it up at work tomorrow. His attitude had just sort of changed when I talked to him again today. He still joked around though, for example, he was like “I think you lost an earring? And a lip balm? I found them under my bed”. And I told him he could throw out the earring because I already had thrown out the other one and he was like, “oh, I’ll keep it and treasure it forever”. Obviously he was joking, but it just striked me as a weird thing to say. I have two questions that are driving me insane. The first one is What does “are we cool” mean?!? I have two theories of what it could mean. A.) It means he’s wondering if he is off the hook? Is he not obligated for anything else? Or B.) can we still hang out and get to know each other better. After talking to him today I’m now leaning towards A as opposed to B, when he called back yesterday. I just don’t know what to think though. My second question, is – would he ever be able to respect me? Will we ever be able to start a actual relationship? There is obviously chemistry there; no doubt about that. This is completely terrible because I really liked him. I hope things aren’t ruined for good, but I don’t know where he’s at and I don’t know if he knows where I’m at either. I have no idea what saying yes to the “are we cool” comment means. I’ve never heard that good things can happen from one night stands, so I’m completely devastated. Getting to know him over the last few weeks left me wanting to date him, not sleep with him on such short terms. I don’t want him to feel obligated at all to contact me or hang out again. If he genuinely wants to, than I definitely want to. How do I let him know this without making it sound like I don’t want to? if I say he’s not obligated to do anything, does that make it sound like I don’t want anything? My biggest concern is that he’ll lead me on because he thinks its “nicer” or something. In the end, it’s not. I’d rather know now what is or isn’t going to happen. He hasn’t asked if I want to see him again, although I have to at work tomorrow. I don’t know if he will, because he doesn’t know how I feel. He might think that I’m no longer interested, or it might be that he’s no longer interested in me. I just can’t figure out how to tell him that I want to see him again if he does want to, but I don’t if he doesn’t. I can’t state it as simply as what I’m writing out here. Any advice and insight would be GREATLY appreciated. I still really like him, even though we’ve entered into a VERY awkward situation.
Jilly Bean Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 OK, I am going to respond, even though I am prone to thinking this post is a joke. But, I'll play along. 1 - you lost your virginity to someone you've known for a few weeks 2 - you wear acrylic nails (lol) 3 - he was so trashed, that he puked in the middle of the night 4 - he has asked if you are *cool* IMO, it was a one-night stand. And no, I don't think this can grow into a relationship, nor do I think he is not a player (players tend to be very good in bed, actually - its from all their experience - lol). But, I think he may be worried you will bring the heat. Are you possibly underage?
Author dk78 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I'm just exhausted and my writing doesn't exactly reflect everything that has went on, just parts of it. I'm not underage. I have a very successful career and am usually incredibly conscientious. There is no reason for him to be concerned with how I'm feeling, whatsoever. The reference about the nails - that's rude. I pay a lot of money to upkeep them because I enjoy having my hand manicured. I usually prefer regular manicures, but I felt like white tipped acrylics last time I went to the spa. I'm just devastated by this because I am not like this at all. I've been in many situations where I've drank much more than on New Years and been around many more guys that have tried and tried, but I've never given in. Perhaps it's because he's not in my professional network and wouldn't ruin my career. Maybe that's why I had no hesitations. I don't know. There's just something different about this guy and I don't know how to gauge where he's at and I feel as though he is sort of thinking the same things. It's just too difficult to know and the more I think about this the more I regret it.
CD111 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Ok well, he hasn't totally blown you off and you will see him tomorrow. See how it goes. Maybe he don't really remember, he did get sick in the middle of the night. Go with the flow. Quit apologizing, it's not going to help anything now and relax. There are plenty of other guys out there, so don't stress about this guy if things don't work out. Also, don't get so trashed next time.
Jilly Bean Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 The nail comment wasn't meant to be rude, hon. It was just such a funny detail to include in the story. Akin to telling the color and brand of lipgloss you wore... So, you say you have been drunker than this night before. So, why do you think you chose to lose your virginity at this time? I would think that if you are older and still a virgin, that it might have meant something to you, or you were holding onto it for a reason. I guess I don't understand then how all of this could happen. If you really like this guy, then I think you should say something. Don't keep saying you've never done that before (even if it's true, no one ever believes it), and don't even bring it up again. Ask him if he wants to meet for coffee this weekend or a trip to the museum or something.
Author dk78 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I have no idea what was different... other than everything. I'm only 20 years old but I have been getting so sick lately of the same people and discussions and working to get ahead. I'm not at all happy with how I've been doing things. I work so hard and have accomplished so much for a 20 year old, I don't think that is healthy, at all. Some days I'm proud of it all, but lately? I will just sit and reflect on how I'm missing out on SO much. I focus so intently on my career and making something out of my life that I feel like I've lost many years of it. He's just so different then everyone else is in my "circle". He's talented. He's funny. He's not shallow. I told one of my friends what he did for a job and she said she couldn't believe that I'd go for someone like that. I've just been getting sick of such shallowness lately. He just represents something completely different and intriguing than what I'm used to.
johnnyj Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Well look, if you really like the guy then just ask him straight out if he is interested in going out you on a slightly more serious level, or if he just wants to keep things "cool" as in no commitments/obligations. If it's the latter, and you will probably find out pretty fast, then obviously he is just a player. And don't think for a second you are not attractive or something is wrong with you. Some guys, no matter how hot they are for a girl, will suddenly lose interest or totally back down after they slept with her. It's a guy thing. I suspect this guy just wants to keep things uncomplicated, and have sex with you whenever he get a hard on. If you want to be sex pals like that, here's your opportunity and don't get too attached to him either. If on the other hand you want something more, tell him to get lost and just move on. At least you had a fun new year's eve:)
phoensam Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I'd say the one thing you are really lucky about here is that you will see him again through work and will get your answers sooner rather than later. As tough as it will be, I'd try to play it cool, and just see what he does next. It is so hard to know what he is thinking. It sounds to me like he definitely remembers what happened, so I wouldn't make any more moves on him, and would just see whether he wants to take it further. And I agree about the purse, it's a big thing to lose a purse and he should have called you right away about it and it seems weird that he didn't, though I can't figure out why he wouldn't either. Again, because you work together, you should relax as you will definitely get your answers soon. Good luck & keep us posted.
Author dk78 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 So today he called around 10:30 am and was like, "I feel like such a jerk, I'm 2/3 on my way in to work and I totally forgot your purse (he lives 50 mins away so he couldn't turn back). He then asked if I'd be in on Friday and I said no, because I'm starting a new job and he said that he'd bring it to me wherever I was. I then told him that it was in a city about 30 mins away and that I didn't expect him to go all the way and that I'd get the purse on Saturday. I had to see him today after the phone call; I was dealing with other people when he walked by but he sort of hung around until everyone left and said "i'm so sorry I forgot it; I'm such a jerk". I said it was fine and that I'd get it later. That's all we said, but I noticed that we did hold a gaze for a little while before we talked, while I was talking to other folks. It was strange to see him, but I enjoyed seeing him again. I don't know if he forgot it on purpose, but I did appreciate him calling to tell me that he'd forgotten it. (He didn't know when he called in the morning that I would be in today, afterall) Yesterday, we had made plans for me to pick it up because I wasn't sure that I'd be in. He was thoughtful and didn't want me to waste a trip out there. In the past, he seemed to make an effort to walk over and see me throughout the day, however I was only there for a few hours today, so I"m not sure if that's changed or not. One time he asked to borrow a pen and returned it 45 mins later. lol. But of course, this was before everything happened. So it was hard to gauge everything today, since I wasn't there long. Since I'm only going to be there for another few weeks, I might just tell him that I don't understand what "are we cool?" means. Seriously, nothing could be more awkward than what happened. I'm not going to be there much over the next two weeks, anyways. I'm sure he'll think that my being there less and less is related to what happened, but it's not. The job is just almost finished. I hate how he kept saying "I feel like such a jerk" regarding his forgetting the purse, maybe he's subconsciously saying that about what happened. I want him to know that I didn't regret anything, but I don't have the opportunity to discuss this at work! I also feel that it's inappropriate over the phone, because we've sort of discussed it twice already, but not to the extent where I can tell him not to worry about it. I couldn't imagine bringing it up again on the phone. I really think that he feels guilty because he thinks that he took advantage of me. I absolutely could've said no and he would've stopped. Who knows...maybe he'll call tomorrow. It's just killing me, because I have no idea what he wants and he doesn't have any idea what I'm thinking, either. I'd love to see him tomorrow night over dinner or something and get the purse then. But I'd feel SO forward asking if he'd want to get together after work. I'd also be worried if I did ask him and he said yes, if it's because he feels obligated. ahhhhhhhhhhhh My last relationship ended quite painfully even though no sex was involved. I finally sat down with the guy and told him where I was and wanted to know where he was, because I figured that knowing was better than wondering. It was so hard, but I'm stronger because of it. I certainly don't have feelings for this new guy like the old one...it's just a crush; so that's why I'm sort of feeling bold. Nothing could be as painful as my last relationship and how it ended and nothing could be as awkward as what happened a few nights ago. I'm sorry I'm rambling and I'm just not taking time to punctuate and use proper grammar. I've been working all day and I'm just too tired and busy to take the time. hehe
phoensam Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 So today he called around 10:30 am and was like, "I feel like such a jerk, I'm 2/3 on my way in to work and I totally forgot your purse (he lives 50 mins away so he couldn't turn back). He then asked if I'd be in on Friday and I said no, because I'm starting a new job and he said that he'd bring it to me wherever I was. I then told him that it was in a city about 30 mins away and that I didn't expect him to go all the way and that I'd get the purse on Saturday. I had to see him today after the phone call; I was dealing with other people when he walked by but he sort of hung around until everyone left and said "i'm so sorry I forgot it; I'm such a jerk". I said it was fine and that I'd get it later. That's all we said, but I noticed that we did hold a gaze for a little while before we talked, while I was talking to other folks. It was strange to see him, but I enjoyed seeing him again. I don't know if he forgot it on purpose, but I did appreciate him calling to tell me that he'd forgotten it. (He didn't know when he called in the morning that I would be in today, afterall) Yesterday, we had made plans for me to pick it up because I wasn't sure that I'd be in. He was thoughtful and didn't want me to waste a trip out there. In the past, he seemed to make an effort to walk over and see me throughout the day, however I was only there for a few hours today, so I"m not sure if that's changed or not. One time he asked to borrow a pen and returned it 45 mins later. lol. But of course, this was before everything happened. So it was hard to gauge everything today, since I wasn't there long. Since I'm only going to be there for another few weeks, I might just tell him that I don't understand what "are we cool?" means. Seriously, nothing could be more awkward than what happened. I'm not going to be there much over the next two weeks, anyways. I'm sure he'll think that my being there less and less is related to what happened, but it's not. The job is just almost finished. I hate how he kept saying "I feel like such a jerk" regarding his forgetting the purse, maybe he's subconsciously saying that about what happened. I want him to know that I didn't regret anything, but I don't have the opportunity to discuss this at work! I also feel that it's inappropriate over the phone, because we've sort of discussed it twice already, but not to the extent where I can tell him not to worry about it. I couldn't imagine bringing it up again on the phone. I really think that he feels guilty because he thinks that he took advantage of me. I absolutely could've said no and he would've stopped. Who knows...maybe he'll call tomorrow. It's just killing me, because I have no idea what he wants and he doesn't have any idea what I'm thinking, either. I'd love to see him tomorrow night over dinner or something and get the purse then. But I'd feel SO forward asking if he'd want to get together after work. I'd also be worried if I did ask him and he said yes, if it's because he feels obligated. ahhhhhhhhhhhh My last relationship ended quite painfully even though no sex was involved. I finally sat down with the guy and told him where I was and wanted to know where he was, because I figured that knowing was better than wondering. It was so hard, but I'm stronger because of it. I certainly don't have feelings for this new guy like the old one...it's just a crush; so that's why I'm sort of feeling bold. Nothing could be as painful as my last relationship and how it ended and nothing could be as awkward as what happened a few nights ago. I'm sorry I'm rambling and I'm just not taking time to punctuate and use proper grammar. I've been working all day and I'm just too tired and busy to take the time. hehe You poor thing...how stressful for you. To start with, he is probably pretty shocked to know you are a virgin and that he has taken that from you in the circumstances in which it occurred. Maybe you should have told him before hand?? I'm not sure about that. I don't know that you are going to have to ask him what he meant by all that he's said...I think he is going to let you know in the next few days if he is interested or not. He knows you gave him your virginity, and sounds like he is being somewhat respectful of you by saying he'd been a jerk etc. I think you are just going to have to be patient and wait and see what happens. It sounds to me like he may really like you and I sure hope I'm right!
Author dk78 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Thanks for the response. I agree, I think he's being a total sweetheart about everything. I just don't want him to feel obligated to do or say anything. My problem is that I'm just so impatient! Everything in life has always been instant gratification so far, except for when it comes to relationships!
Micke81 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 My guess about the "are we cool" thing, is that he's worried, especially since you were a virgin, that you think he took advantage of you in your drunken stupor.
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) Yes, I am assuming he still likes you. You're over analysing the situation way too much...which will contribute to the continued awkward moments between you. The pen, the phone call, every little glance... you are focusing too much on every little detail. Here is what it sounds like: He is still calling you after a one night stand, he engages you in conversation when he sees you at work, he is offering to drive your purse and drop it off to wherever you will be... If a guy wanted you out of his life after having sex with you, he'd ignore you. He may be mildly polite because you work together... but he wouldn't call you and stop to talk to you when he sees you... and he wouldn't borrow a pen from you when he could borrow one from anyone, or offer to drop off your purse. He would have made more of an effort to bring it so he could be rid of you.... right? Instead- he holds onto it- why? Why do you think.... come on. Plain and simple- He is still interested. Don't ask him what "are we still cool means" That will just put him on the spot.... Make a date out of the purse exchange... do lunch or make plans to hang out. Or just ask him when he wants to hang again. Edited January 4, 2008 by D-Lish
johnnyj Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I would have to agree with D-lish, I think he likes you. ****, if I were him and all that happened, I would still like you. Any guy who plays his guitar for a lady means he really digs her! And yeah, you are over analysing a bit but I guess that's only because you have a huge crush on him and you want things to work out.
Recommended Posts