konfuzd Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 So, I lost my grandma one week before my 27th birthday (last saturday) we had the funeral on thursday and the burial on friday. Needless to say, I was pretty upset. My "best" friend called me on friday, and I said because of all that's been going on, I wasn't doing much, just having some family over to my place for a couple drinks. She said that IF her bf could give her a ride, she'd come over. She doesn't live that far away, but the transit system is kinda crappy out here, and takes her about 40 minutes by bus. So, I was a bit hurt that she wouldn't bother taking the bus over, but I let it slide. I had too many other things on my mind. So on Saturday, I didn't hear anything from her, I tried to call her a couple times and got no answer. I get a phone call the following afternoon left a message apologizing, and she said she remembered in the afternoon, planned to call me later, but fell asleep on the couch. So, she called me today asking "do you hate me?" and I told her that she really wasn't my favorite person in the world, and she started tearing a strip off me, telling me I ask too much from her, and I was being irrational and only trying to make her feel bad. Yeah, I wanted her to feel bad, because when I needed a friend, sleep was more important to her. Come hell or high water, I wouldn't miss a good friend's bday, especially if they just lost a family member. On her bday, I drove her around town running errands, helped her plan her party, did most of the food for her party, and stayed the next day to help with clean up. Plus I got her a fairly expensive gift. She is pretty tight for money, so I never complained when last year, all I got was a phone call, since I was out of town, but 2 years in a row, with not as much as a homemade card or anything really upsets me. I told her all of this, and she threw a bunch of insults at me and said the friendship was over. Do you think I'm justified in saying "good riddance"? I feel really hurt and betrayed.
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I think all friendships need to be reciprocal. If you feel that this girl has been taking way more than giving, if you feel that she isn't there for you during hard times and important moments, then I think you are justified in saying good riddance. The older I get the more I want to surround myself with people that make me feel good. I don't need a million acquaintences, I don't need people that cause unnecessary drama...and I certainly don't need to keep someone in my life that might take advantage of me. Sometimes you outgrow friendships, plain and simple. I suspect your friend lashed out at you due to her own guilt over being a poor friend. She should have apologized and asked to make it up to you- then followed through with that promise.
Trialbyfire Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 At age 27, there's something called a taxi, for events that are very important. Unfortunately, not everyone sees beyond their own sense of priorities, to be sufficiently "there" for friends. One other possibility is that she may not know how to handle funerals. Not everyone has been to one or wants to attend one.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 i had a crappy friend too, a few months ago. she's no longer my friend due to the crappiness. she would have pulled the same stunt your 'friend' did. i don't know what to tell you because what i did ended the friendship--i was honest with her. you know how people say all they want is honesty? yeah, not always true. fortunately for me, i predicted how she would react, and decided that losing the friendship after being honest is much better than continuing the way it was. of course she flipped out, and no we no longer speak. i don't miss her at all, and i'm not sorry that we don't speak. so, just be prepared of you're going to try to work it out that people are rarely being truthful when saying they want the truth. there have been a lot of annoying friend threads lately...where were all you guys when i had my problem???
Jilly Bean Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 So, she called me today asking "do you hate me?" God, I hate that passive/aggressive crap. Like D said, it doesn't sound very equal. I have cut people like that out of my life - they do nothing but bring down your world. Sorry about Nana...
Author konfuzd Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks for all the replies. I was pretty sure I was on the right track, but needed that extra validation. It's a new year, perfect time for a new start.
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