celebray69 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) OK, so I need your guys expert advice: I apologize if it is a little long. I met this wonderful man two years ago while I was on a trip to Spain. We instantly hit it off and had a crazy time together but it was cut short when I had to come back home to the US. We both were very upset about having to part ways so soon but we decided not to commit to one another but to try and keep in touch as friends. And we did keep in touch for two years. This past summer I went back to Spain on business and we saw each other again and the sparks flew but eventually I did have to come back home again and once again parting was hard. Since then we have been talking almost everyday for the last 4 months. He went to go work on a cruiseship for 6 months and we don't talk as much as we did before. But we usually go no more than 3 days without communication. The problem is that in Spain and before he left for work, he told me that he was going to see if I could come and join him on the ship. I was going to go ahead and book but he first wants me to wait to see if he can get some sort of discount for me. I've heard this is very difficult and don't expect it to actually happen. But he hasn't asked his boss yet. He has been on the cruiseship for almost 3 weeks. I feel like maybe he doesn’t want me to come. Am I being irrational to think this? He told me once that he was going to ask and never did. Usually in our conversations he doesn’t mention it and I don't always want to be the one bringing it up. If he wants me to come he will do it. I don't want to jump to conclusions because he did say he would ask after the holidays but I don’t know if I believe him. How long would you wait for him to ask before walking away? Edited January 3, 2008 by celebray69 Wierd font writing inserted.
TMichaels Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I don't know whether I would consider his "silence" on the matter evidence that he doesn't want you to come visit. He just as easily could have spoken out of turn about being able to get you a discount -- did you not say he suggested the idea of getting you a possible discount BEFORE he even started working on the ship? He may have found out differently once he got there, he may feel it's premature to ask for such a perk having been employed on the ship less than a month, or he may be figuring you two have five more months left in which to get together -- all are plausible. You could always force the issue by telling him that you need to make vacation plans (where you work don't you have to put in for time off in advance?). Tell him taking his cruise is one option, but you need to know how he feels about you joining him on the ship before you make your travel plans. If he promises to check on the discount or get back to you, give him a deadline by which you need to know in order to get the time off. If he keeps stalling or is evasive, plan another way to spend your vacation time, tell him of your plans, and then go do it. Sounds harsh, but consider this little question I always try to keep in the back of my mind when encountering these types of situations: "Why do I not believe you when you *show me* who you are?" In other words, Talk is cheap. Actions always speak louder than words. Don't let what someone tells you or wants you to believe convince you -- it's what they do, not say, that speaks the truth. Hope this helps, TMichaels
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