Samantha1973 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Hi all: This is such a wonderful forum, I'm glad I stumbled arcoss it on google just now. First off, my name is Samantha and I am 35 years old. I'm also quite clueless to how NC works and for what reasons. I try very hard at putting myself on the other side odf the relationship and think about how he feels about things....but still I need input from others. My boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. He had always had the hots for this ecentric girl and it was competition etc. I understand why he did the things he did, he didnt cheat on me, but ended our relationship quite quick to be with her. It hurt me a lot as we were together for 2 years. Anyways, I'm a really easy person to get along with and dont hold grudges towards people. I try to understand why things happen and why people dod the things they do. Over the past year, I have given him lots of space. I really want us to get back together again, at least to be good friends like we were. The problem is...he uses me as an ego boost. I know...that he knows...that I want him back. When things dont work out with a girl he is seeing, he sends out a scouting email to me. I was fed up with this garbage, so I have been doing NC for about 6 weeks now. I plan to do another month or so. Like I said, I am looking for guidance here. When I come back into the picture with LC at first will he see me still as his ego boost? And secondly, how do I go about getting back together with him after LC? Sam
Freddy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I don't think you want this person back. I don't truely think you would want to be with someone that does that. If you got back together wouldn't he send a scouting email to this ex and you guys have a falling out?
Author Samantha1973 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 theres a lot more to the story....and sorry that it sounds like he is a flake....but he's not. I just worded it funny. Anyways, can others answer my question for me? thanks,
norajane Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 The point of NC is to help you GET OVER someone by clearing your head and heart of all reminders, associations, and most importantly, new contact that messes you up and sets you back in healing. NC is not a short-term measure to use to get someone back. That's basically 'playing hard to get' and frankly, he knows you aren't hard to get and he doesn't really want to get you because he is with someone else. It's been a a year and you're still hanging on to hope that this guy who dropped you like a hot potato for someone else, and who yanks on the leash whenever he and his girl have a fight, will come back to you and be all loving and honest and kind to you... You need to move on with your life - you're missing out on the great guys out there. Why waste your time on someone who already made a choice to leave you a year ago and now just wants to use you, at best?
Touche Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 You were together for two years and you've been broken up for one. After two years with you he abruptly ends it to pursue something with another woman. And you want him back why? Good luck with that one. Even if you "get" him back, he'll only leave again. He clearly doesn't respect you. Don't you think someone as easy to get along with as you say you are, deserves better than this? Or do you think he's the best you can do? That would be sad. He sounds like a jerk.
Touche Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 theres a lot more to the story....and sorry that it sounds like he is a flake....but he's not. I just worded it funny. Anyways, can others answer my question for me? thanks, Oh and yeah. He's a flake. Your wording had nothing to do with it. I'm going by the actions that you told us about. There's not a thing more that you could tell me about him that would convince me otherwise. What you told us says more than enough.
SeraBella Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 You don't want to hear it, but you need to move on. He knows he has you wrapped around his finger, even if you're not talking to him right now. I guess it's possible it could work out between the two of you, but it doesn't sound likely. Best of luck to you!
smileysmile Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Hey Samantha. I am intrigued with you wanting your ex back after all this time. So tell me what is so great about him? Do you have self confidence? Do you attract other guys easily? I think he has you wrapped around his finger. If he wanted to be with you then he would. My situation is I have only been with my STBXW since 10th september 2004 and now we are in S houses. But we also have a 13 mth old D. My point is. That working on myself and staying focussed I would love to someday get my family back EVEN if it did take a year. I have the rest of my life to make it up to her. I was the reason she left me. I think your situation is entirely different sorry So maybe you need to find somebody better.
sedgwick Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 He sounds flaky. The unfortunate thing with flaky people is they don't tend to get less flaky. They tend to stay the way they are. NC is for you to get over him. You have control. You don't have to answer. It takes strength, but it preserves your dignity and allows you to get over him. I know you want a friendship with him. I want to be friends with my ex too; I miss that a lot. But you know what? I have other friends. I have friends who have stuck by me for years, and I'm leaning on them now and trying to remember every time I talk to them how much I value them, and how I can trust them to love me and not hurt me. I couldn't trust him in that way. He made me worry a lot. My real friends don't do that. I'm trying to focus on them right now.
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