smberkiss Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Its a long story but I need some advice....here it goes.... My boyfriend and I were together for 19 months. I would admit that our relationship progressed much quicker than others I have been in, but for the simple fact that it just worked. He had told me from day 1 that I was everything he had ever wanted in a gf, and from our past discussions it was like we were on the same page and wanted the same things out of the relationship. We were both working towards a common goal. Honestly I have never felt so sure and he was the same way... It started about 4 months ago when his mood was changing. He was always grouchy and tired and very unhappy with himself and he had conveyed that to me several times but he never really did anything to fix it. I know he has a lot of emotional issues going on but I guess I thought we would get through it all together. On December 19th we had gone to small claims to get back some money he had lost and we lost the case. He was pretty upset after that and just kind of kept to himself the rest of the day. After this i could tell something was wrong with him but I didnt know quite how to treat the situation. 2 days later I came home from work and he was hysterically crying on the couch and he had written me a letter. He was so upset that he started to have a panic attack and it really started to freak me out. He finally calmed down enough to read the letter to me. the short version is that he feels like he has never been able to stand on his two feet and he has always been dependent on other people, me included. He said he feels like he cannot make me happy anymore because he is so unhappy with himself. But then at the end of the letter he asked me to "accompany him on his journey." Well basically I said so are you breaking up with me?? He responded with, "no....I dont know, but I need to do this for myself." I did not know what was going on and I was very confused, and then on Christmas Eve....he said he needed space and he was going to go stay with his grandma for a couple of days. I love him so I let him do what he needed to do. When we talked on Christmas it was now a full blown break up. Here is where I am confused...He still has a bunch of stuff at my house, and if I didnt mention before...we lived together. So once i got the point that it was over i asked him to come and get his stuff and he got upset at me and said that I obviously dont see what he is trying to do. He does not want to "move out" but he wants his space from me and we are technically broken up. He said that he does not want me out of his life at all and if we can get through this we will be stronger people. He said when he is ready to commit, i will be the first to know. I know what kind of person he is and i know he really does have emotional issues but i dont know why he is pushing me away. I truly dont believe its about other woman but if I am everything he has ever wanted why is he so unwilling to let me support him through this hard time? Why does he feel it so neccessary? Should i just let go and let him be on his own and move on or be patient with him?? Is he playing games?? Help me.....I miss him more than words can describe
Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 In slightly similar way, I'm experiencing the same thing you are. Selfish or not, sometimes people need to deal with their own sh*t before they can give themselves over in a relationship. If they cannot take care of themselves, they cannot take care of anyone else's feelings and emotional needs. 'Tis the case with my (now-ex) BF, and it sounds like a similar situation with yours. Pull back, give him space to figure sh*t out...just don't wait forever.
Recommended Posts