Ursula Coyote Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I’m having a really hard time. I’m emotionally attached to a guy who has lost interest in me as a romantic partner. He says he cares a huge amount for me and that he wants to be friends. His excuse is that he thinks he would be bad for me and that he has too much water under the bridge so to speak. I’ve tried to break off contact with him once in the past when he got involved with another woman and it just hurt me too much knowing he was sleeping with someone else. Mind you, he got physical with this other women before he told me he had lost interest in me as a partner. When I had a meltdown and told him I did not want to speak with him again he literally begged me to stay friends. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and remained in his life. He’s been getting together with his ex from a few years ago. He always gave me the impression that they were just friend and that they were like oil and water together. Unfortunately some mutual friends seem to think they are a couple. I only found this out a day or two before Christmas. A day even before that I caught him in a lie. I asked if he wanted to go out and he said no, he was going to take it easy and stay at home. I found out the next day that he was really getting together with his ex and going out with her. He’s being hanging out with his ex almost everyday over the holidays, doing special things with her, where I barely get an invite to go over and watch TV once in a while. For someone who is supposed to be so special in his life I found it strange we didn’t get together for New Years. I’m so sick of his half truths, and lies. My new years resolution was to not have any liars, cheaters or users in my life ever again no matter how much I might have cared/still care for them. My last call to him was Dec 27. He did not try to get in touch with me again until end of day Dec 31. He called three times yesterday and four times today so far with an email today…..I haven’t read it, it’s probably a “why aren’t you talking to me email”. [FONT="]I’m sorry this has turned out to be so long. Am I being a bitch for going no contact on him? I have not told him I’m angry about his deceptions over the holidays, or his complete lack of interest in doing anything together. He seems desperate for contact, but I really don’t want to hear the excuses anymore. Urban Coyote [/FONT]
Aiorios Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 NO you arent being a bitch. You are taking a stand. Dont let your emotions cloud your better judgement girl
norajane Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 No, you are not being a bitch. You are divesting yourself of a HUGE loser. You don't need guys like that in your life, and the sooner you stop wasting your time and emotion on guys like him, the better off you'll be. Good for you for finally seeing the light!!
Author Ursula Coyote Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks for the helpful words. I just hurting so much from all this and how it's drawn out for such a long time that I find it overwhelming to "take a stand." I feel like I'm being so mean by not going the open communication route and letting him know how badly I feel by his deceptions. This is going to be very very hard. This guy lives next door, so it's not like he doesn't know I'm ignoring him. He can see that I'm home and not answering the phone. What follows "no contact" when they are your neighbors? Do you ever initiate contact again? Urban Coyote
Lizzie60 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 When she stands up for herself and her beliefs, they call her a bitch When she stand up for those she love, they call her a bitch. When she speak her mind, think her own thoughts, or do things her own way, they call her a bitch. When she refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it,she is defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when she takes time for herself instead of being everyone's maid or when she acts a little selfish. Being a bitch has meant raising your children to be strong people who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are. Being a bitch means that you are free to be the wonderful creature that you are, with all your own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty. Being a bitch means you won't compromise what's in your heart. It means you live your life your way. It means you won't allow anyone to step on you. B - Babe I - In T - Total C - Control of H - Herself
Lee725 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Lizzie60, i loved that. Could not have said it better myself!! You are not being a bitch at all. You are taking control of yourself and your life. It will be hard given he is your neighbour, but sooner or later he will get the point. Just go about your daily stuff, if he says hello across the fence nod your head and keep going, at that moment have somewhere else to be. If he stops you in your path and asks whats wrong, you are busy and you need to go, be firm with him, if you need to explain the way you feel to him, then do so, get it over with and let him know there is no room for negotiation and be done with it, dont let him manipulate you into another reason why you should stay "friends" with him. He does not want to be in a relationship with you despite knowing how you feel, he wants to parade his new GF around in front of you having some idea what that will do to you... all i can say is Bull S*** to that. You are not his door mat, you were trying to be his friend, friends dont go out of their way to hurt each other and that is what he is trying to do to you. You are not a bitch you are a woman standing up for yourself, and if that does make you a bitch than i am sure that if all the women on here that do stand up for themselves came together and held hands, there would be a line of bitches around the world.
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