wishful Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 married about 15 years, separated about 3 months. but see each other 2 to 10 hours a day. usually around 4ish hours until around midnight or later. mostly when he comes to see the kids. but he spends most of the time with me. and we go out once a week on 'dates.' sleeps at home less than half of nights a week, but seems to regret it. snuggling, but he says it confuses him, and makes it hard to think. he's lost that lovin' feeling. we are interacting better than before he left--he's present when he's present. i notice he's nicer to me, more affectionate, etc when a day or so goes by with just a shorter visit. before he left, we almost never spent any time alone together. i estimate 5 hours in 5 years possibly. so the dating time seemed like a chance to reconnect. it can be a bit of a struggle though, when i'm teeming with questions, and feeling emotional. and one of the divorce busters lists said no planned dates. he's expressed urges to date other people. says not anyone he's met yet, but thinking about it. i think he has someone in mind, but isn't telling. my friend describes it as one foot in and one foot out the door. and the marriage counselor--he went a few times, and is undecided about going back--called him conflicted. he says he wants to feel separate and choose each other again. do you think we should really try to split up a bit more? i kind of feel like that would make more damage for me to have to recover from, but am interested in opinions.
Kasan Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Whose idea and for what reasons did you chose to separate?
Author wishful Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 my husband moved out. we had not been talking much the last couple of months, and somewhat avoiding each other. i'm not clear even now on what his most important ideas are. i think he felt i did not support his personal interests and said he began to wonder about other women he would observe on the street or hear on the radio for the first time in our marriage. he had an unhappy childhood, and feels as if it was recreated in our marriage. he said that he felt like a plane that had been running out of gas, the running on fumes, now coming in for a landing. there was just nothing left. he really wanted that feeling of being in love back. or wanting to try back. there's longer, and more, but i think he said that was what most important. i think our best chance is therapy. but he says he hates talking about or thinking about the relationship. when he first left, he said everything was essentially the same, he just slept somewhere else. his last opinion was that we are separated, but trying to reconcile. but i think it got left at, we're married, but taking space, and will try to define more clearly when the marriage counselor returns from her vacation--IF he decides to go back. do you guys think status quo? or more space. continue the date nights? see less of each other? for the divorce busting, what do the planned dates do that messes things up? thanks!
Recommended Posts