idontknowwhattodo Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Hi I need some advice. Ive been going out with my ex boyfriend for a few months. Hes recently decided that he wants to end our relationship due to the fact that in September he will be going to university. He said there is nothing wrong with our relationship in the slightest its just the fact that he has to go to university and has to fully concentrate on his career, which I completly understand. The university where he is going is not local he would have to move away it is the only one which would accept him with his grades. Hes told me if he wants a relationship with anyone it would be with me. He said it was important to break it off now as in a few months time it would be more difficult for us both he said if we were together it would be harder for him to leave which is only natural I suppose but I wouldnt of held him back I just dont want to waste vital time with him before he goes away, I want spend as much time as possible with him but he is saying he has to end it as hes too busy with everything in his life and his main focus in his life has got to be on his career. Hes older then me when he goes to university he would be classed as a mature student so I understand that hes going to study. At the moment he thinks were best just being friends I love him so much and I hope I can control my feelings for him. Im scared that he will find someone else when he goes to university and I wont be able to have my second chance with him. I want him to tell me he will continue our relationship after university but all he is saying is he cant predict the future. I can only see my life with him and hes the one for me I would wait for him and I have told him this but he said that is not fair as its not some sort of relationship in his opinion long relationships dont work he could be just saying that as he doesnt want to get hurt himself. I know if he does meet someone else there in university I wouldnt be able to handle it I want my chance with him again. I feel like Im the one who is getting punished when we have done nothing wrong in our relationship I love him so much and if I cant have him I would rather have nobody at all. That saying is right I would of rather love and lost then never loved before. I hope he realises that he has made a mistake but I dont know whether he would. He said he wants to be friends at the moment and we will go from there. Ive told him Ill wait for him and I will and I mean that. I havent spoken to him today and its killed me. I know I have to be strong and I need to be but I want to just pick up the phone up and hear his voice and I want to text him, my feelings are just so strong. I dont want to come across as the mathering ex that he just cant get rid off so I dont want to keep going on about us. I just dont know if I should talk to him or if I should leave it a few weeks and see if he contacts me ie no phone, no internet nothing at all to see if that would make a difference to him and he would want to carry it on, it could make him realise that he does want to he says he misses me now. but I dont know if Ive given him chance to cause all I keep asking him to explain and hes just repeating himself but its because I cant except the situation. I need advice what do I do? Do I leave him for a few weeks and see if contacts me or carry on as normal and be friends for a bit and see what happens which is what he suggested. I need advice of men and women so any help is much appreciated.
Freddy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I don't want to sound negative but this is a classic man excuse. September is a long ways away and if he wanted to make it work he would with you. Are you sure he hasn't found anybody else? Go NC if you know he's going to hurt you. I think it's best to move on and away from this one.
Author idontknowwhattodo Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 He said he hasnt got anybody else and he would only be intrested in me if he wanted a relationship he just saying at the moment he needs to concentrate on his career as he doesnt want to mess it up. He hasnt got time for any relationship. He was single a few years before he meet me and he already decided then the career he wanted to take I think hes scared hes going to fall and hes not wanting to be put in the situation were we are to attached as we would of been together longer by then and it would of been more difficult for the both of us. I know his career is important and I would never get in the way of it. Hes told me he misses me and hes hurting as well. I just love the man and I want him to be happy. When we were together we did discuss our future but that was before we knew that he wasnt going to be accepted into our local universties. If he wasnt going to that university we would still be together Ive met majority of his family and all his friends. If I was just a casual fling I wouldnt of been introduced to half of the people. Hes told me he wants to be settled down after university I just hope its me he decides to be with. He said that when we got together and he never knew he would have to leave. He knows how I feel about him and he knows Ill always be here for him.
GlamourBabe Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Hi I read your post and I really felt for you.First of all how long was this relationship? My ex boyfriend dumped me eight weeks ago and it hurt badly. I experienced loneliness, and grief that I didnt even think was possible. However, I probably experienced this type of grief because I am a realist. I have to see it for what it is, no matter how painful it is. I even wanted to die at one point, but Ill leave my story there. Now first of all, its New Year so everyone is in the process of trying to get there " **** together". However, he is starting uni in September its only January. What the f***? So he cant be with you for nine months leading up to that? Does he think your stupid. And you know what, I know you love him because you says things like " I am scared he will find someone else" and I have been there. STOP THAT THOUGHT PROCESS RIGHT NOW. Let go of things you cannot control. Breathe. and then Breathe again. He said to you, "I am just to busy with my life, I have to focus on my career" ( How lovely for him! ) The pain of dealing with that is awful to bear, so you then imploy a coping mechanism, by saying " he will be a mature student he is older than me when he goes to university" Mature student or young student if you truly truly loved someone you could not risk losing them! I have to tell myself that daily and everyday it sinks in a bit more. At the rate he is going, he might even have someone else before he even starts uni and then where would it leave you. The fact that he said to you, " I cant predict the future" is like saying "well I dont want you anymore but im chucking you some scraps, take it or leave it!" That angered me when I read that! And to think that you are so in love with this guy and hoping he will want to be with you after uni, which to my calculations would be 4 years away is a waste of energy. Jeez by that time, you could be married to someone else and have a baby on the way! You will love him, and you will feel like he is the only one for you "right now" but not forever. Any man that could dump you 9 months before even starting uni, and not even clarify whether he would want to be with you in the future is being a complete selfish b***** and not to mention the friends thing! I never quite understand dumpers that break up with you then all of a sudden say "Hey, lets be friends even though I just broke up with you and you are so in love with me" Its wierd to say the least! Selfish is the next! I think any dumper that wants to be friends with the ex, is so that it lessens the guilt on their part and it is entirely for their benefit and not yours. Because now I bet your sitting there wondering, questioning. e.tc. e.t.c Analysing every bit of contact he makes with you and you know what? It will get you know where. Everyone on here says NC is the way. Now I think its an excellent way to move on from someone, and yes sometimes it can bring an ex back but toooooo many people on here use it as a ploy to get someone back. I havent been able to adopt it myself fully but I am not going to bore you with the excuses or reasons as to why I chose not too. I would do whatever you feel comfortable with but if you do stay in limited contact, i.e never ever initiate any contact your going to have to completely detach yourself from him. As in throw yourself into a project, work out at the gym, Are you at uni ? Do you work? This is really important. Try try try to forget about what he is feeling, thinking or who he might be with, what he is doing, if he is missing you. Believe me I have done it all and I just wasted my precious brain cell energy on someone who wasnt thinking about my best interests. Or thinking about me at all for that matter.... Try , try , try to think about number 1 for now Keep Posting Glamour Babe xxxx
Author idontknowwhattodo Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I really dont know what to think all I know is Im really hurting and Im hoping he will ring me and say Ive made a big mistake and I dont mean it. We were together for 3 months but Ive known him for 6 months. At the start he done all the chasing but now hes gone I feel really down I realise I love him and I miss him alot. I think hes being genuine over that though as he said alot of things to me I dont know Im completly hurt Im crying all the time. Hes still the first person I think of in the morning and during the day and night. I really do have it bad for him Ive never stoped him doing anything I would never get in the way of what he wants to do. I work I dont go university. Im trying to concentrate on the good but I cant I can only see the bad without him in my life.
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