confuse80 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 well my ex bf just told me that he had sex with someone yesterday, he said it was only one night stand and it was nothing. BUT after sayin things that someday he want to have the chance to be with me again BUT now because we broke up he and I are free to go out with anyone or sleep with anyone we want. AND he said that one night stand its nothing, its not like he loves her, he said she wants it so why not. WTF, I AM SO ANGRY NOW!!!!! I said good bye to him and that I dont even want to talk to him anymore. I know he just such an a****** BUT I am so angry now, and I dont like to be this angry, I want to just get rid of this hurt and anger feelings out because I feel crap at the moment and I dont know what to do, I want to slap him and burn his house but he lives in different states, and I feel like throwing my stuff but I dont want to ruin my stuff because of him, its silly. Any advice on what to do to calm me down?
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Confuse80, I posted this in another thread, in response to someone who said they were angry and that they felt so " in pain" and surely, they shouldn't be feeling this way.... I missed the first couple of sentences off because they were relevant-specific to that person... The counsel I gave (take it or leave it as you wish) might be appropriate for you too... Unfortunately, believe it or not (and I know it sounds way off) the pain you feel, while a legitimate response to an emotional stimulus, is in fact self-inflicted.You're doing this to yourself. You're hammering away at your own heart and it's painful. Isn't it? as someone who's had a bit of fundamental training, let me see if I can offer some help. Many would try to advise you to get out a bit, seek new friends, do new things, try to let go.... All good stuff. Not ever easy.... So you know what I advise? Stick with it. Feel the pain. In your case, it's anger, Confuse80.... Focus your attention on every single bit of you that's hurt, in pain, that's crying, that is aching and nagging at you.... Go right into the middle of it. Rip it apart and seek its centre. Feel everything... From the top of your head to the tip of your toes. And ask: "What is it that is hurting?" (Because something as tangible as standing on a drawing pin {thumb tack} is obvious. Get off it. But something like this... well, it's subtle, see?) "What is it that is causing this pain? (Don't say your ex. They're the origin, not the cause.... the cause is different....) "Where do i find it? How can I isolate it? Where is it most? Where is it least?" Give yourself time to answer these questions. They might sound stupid, but they help you focus - really focus - on the seat of the suffering you're going through right now. And don't run away from it. Don't try to deflect it, or hide from it. Face it. Head on. Challenge it. Challenge it to stay if it dares, because now you're in the process of tearing it to shreds.... It's not easy. But it's ultimately very satisfying, because you are regaining control of what affects you. Incidentally, when you answer the question, "Where is it least?", if the ferocity of the emotion tries to take you unawares, and you find yourself going back to the pain - focus on this place 'where it is least'. Think on it, and let the addiction to the sadness, dissipate.... Remember: Things can only hurt us for longer than they should, if we give them the all-clear to do so....
Lee725 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 well my ex bf just told me that he had sex with someone yesterday, he said it was only one night stand and it was nothing. BUT after sayin things that someday he want to have the chance to be with me again BUT now because we broke up he and I are free to go out with anyone or sleep with anyone we want. AND he said that one night stand its nothing, its not like he loves her, he said she wants it so why not. Why did he do that? did you ask him or did he just ring you up with a "guess what?". The first time you find out you EX has had sex with someone else does pee you off, i know that feeling all to well. For me it is only topped by one i got a few years ago "My new GF is pregnant!", What you are feeling is really normal. (not that you need me to tell you this). the thought the very thought of someone else touching what was once ours can create a whole new set of emotions apart from the ones that come with an break up. WTF, I AM SO ANGRY NOW!!!!! I said good bye to him and that I dont even want to talk to him anymore. I know he just such an a****** BUT I am so angry now, and I dont like to be this angry, I want to just get rid of this hurt and anger feelings out because I feel crap at the moment and I dont know what to do, I want to slap him and burn his house but he lives in different states, and I feel like throwing my stuff but I dont want to ruin my stuff because of him, its silly. Any advice on what to do to calm me down? If you can go somewhere alone (completely away from homes, people etc) & scream, it has worked for me. i have done the trashing the house thing, i smashed plates, i stormed out of the house & came back a monumental mess. it sucked. This anger you are feeling can only be disapated with a few days (the old favourite: Time), visiting people or "distracting your mind" in this type of situation has never worked for me, as i said it is a whole different set of emotions. If you can try to sit and do something like a hobby or sit here on LS and vent, i know that your legs will be itching inside and you will get up and out of your chair 12 times because it may come in waves. Just when you think you have settled RRRAAAARRRRRRR!! another moment comes. I dont know what will happen for you, but the next stage for me is crying. The anger turns into tears & that for me is somehow a little (not much) easier to deal with. I hope that it gets easier for you soon.
AudiA4 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 sorry to hear that I still don't understand why people like to hurt people for no reason... well as part of my coping all I can say is screw relationships from now on my only relationship is with my AUDI I dont wanna sound like an A$$ but the hurt and stress is just too much to bear makes you hate life sometimes.
Author confuse80 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 well he called me to ask how I was, and then towards the conversation he told me about it. I cant believe it. Its like a thunder stike on me and I feel angry and numb. I want to scream but I live in city area and there are a lot of people around me so screaming is not a good choice, but this morning I went for a jog and I feel much better, the anger turns into energy inside me and I need to have energy release. I hate him so much right now I wish he just go to hell. I really want to forget about him so much, he does wrong thing to me, I hate they way he manipulate his way towards me but make sure that all is in his favour. Arrgh!! *pulling my hair*
PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Why in the he** do people feel the need to share something like that with someone who cares deeply for them? Is it a high of some kind or a power trip? I will never understand....so be mad and teed as hel**at him!
AudiA4 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 yea ppl are really mesed up but jogging does help lots at least with me.
Author confuse80 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Why in the he** do people feel the need to share something like that with someone who cares deeply for them? Is it a high of some kind or a power trip? I will never understand....so be mad and teed as hel**at him! in my case i think he just want to be as open as he can towards me so i can accept him the way he is and he knows how much i love him and i am thinking he can get away from it. but no! i dont accept it and as much as i love him, but that behaviour puts him in the same category as those as***** in the world, those men that I dont respect and will never get my heart. now i just have to forget him totaly, i wish it never end like this but i guess it will make things easier for me now.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 confuse80, Why did you answer your ex? Why would you want something to work again when there must be a good reason for breaking up in the first place? I know it hurts that he has sex with other people because you still have feelings for him, but I agree that if your broken up with each other then there is no commitment involved anymore as you both broke it off so why not have sex, especially if the opertunity comes along. It was wrong that he told you he had sex with someone else but what would you do if you both did get back together and he told you during the build up of your relationship? You would still feel the same. Its why you should be in no contact with the ex to help yourself get over them for if they did mention having sex with someone else.
Author confuse80 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 well, he told me so many times before that he needs time and he still love me but he needs to sort out his problem in life and he doesnt need any pressure from my side. he said that i also need to be independent to grow up (i am 27 he is 41) and to be more mature like a real woman not a girl (weird, I know). so he said lets just be friends, have a LC, and keep in touch because he still care about me and still think that someday we can be together again because i am a good person and i love him so much and he said he never get that much love from anyone. I know its up to him if he wants to have sex with anyone or not but to the respect of he knows how i feel to know that he has sex with other people, and that is the part of why you do that if you know how hurt i will be. i know men has their needs and women too but for me, sex is something that you do with someone you love, not just to get pleasure without feeling. yeah i am in NC now. I just want to get over him.
wowIlose Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I wish my ex thought like you. But she jumped in bed with some tool bag before ever starting a relationship and I was certain she would never do that. How wrong was I. Like you I just recently found out my EX is having sex. I asked during a convo and she told me.. wish she just lied but its my fault for going there. The part that hurts the most is not her having sex but just giving herself to someone else whos done nothing for her while I was busting away working on myself letting her run free, never bothering her about the stuff she was doing in hopes to reunite and start over. So now some random guy gets to have sex with my EX while I get to be her friend..which i refuse. Argh...
Author confuse80 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 The part that hurts the most is not her having sex but just giving herself to someone else whos done nothing for her while I was busting away working on myself letting her run free, never bothering her about the stuff she was doing in hopes to reunite and start over. So now some random guy gets to have sex with my EX while I get to be her friend.. YES that is my problem!!! I feel angry because here is this guy who said he still wants to be with me someday but start screwing around because he knows that i love him and he thinks that i will come back to him after he is having fun with his life, well he is mistake in that part because I will not come back to him when he is screwing around, no matter how much I love him but he doesnt give any respect on my love so I will not give it anymore. I dont want to give my love to someone who doesnt want to appreciate it.
Always Wrong Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 He sounds like one of those guys who thinks the worse he treats you, the more you'll like him. I hope you can break free of him.
Author confuse80 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 thanks, i want to break free too. he will never going to have a decent relationship if he keeps acting like that. gah - i should never fall in love with this guy. i think my life kinda related to bridget jones. always meet a d****** .
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 i am in NC now. I just want to get over him. I hope you stick to it
Lee725 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 i think my life kinda related to bridget jones. always meet a d****** . You have no idea how many times i have thought that about myself!!! Wine, chocolate, empty flat..... DEAR DIARY..........LOL Sometimes older guys think that they are so much more mature and better than you are no matter how old you are.... you could be 35 and he would probably still say that! The only thing that is more "mature" about them most of the time is the texture of their skin... (i am going to cop such a ribbing for that one LOL)
Author confuse80 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 lol u made me laugh! yeah ... i really feel like bridget jones, everyday writing my journal and feel empty inside ... but if she can make it, i can too and I will find my Mr. Darcy ... Oohhh Colin Firth ... gawsh .. whats wrong with me, why i always attracted to older man that isnt imature?
dunstable Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I think this is a man-woman thing. As a man, when a relationship ends, I think I am entitled to have sex with someone else the next day. I think the typical woman feels that is indecent to have sex with someone else till there has been some passage of time - maybe months or even years. Speaking for myself, I see a break up as something clear cut. Even if there is a hope of getting back together, there is currently no commitment so anything that happens with other people is fair enough. There is no intent whatsoever to cause hurt.
Author confuse80 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 yah i hear you man, but the problem is that i am not sticking around when he wants to do that, its up to him, its his life but not mine. i make myself clear if he wants to do that i am outta of his life and he choose that. his lost not mine. i dont care anymore. if he ask me back, he will never going to get it.
Always Wrong Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 well my ex bf just told me that he had sex with someone yesterday, he said it was only one night stand and it was nothing. What's the chance that he just said that to make you feel like sh*t? Sounds like he really knows how to push your buttons.
Author confuse80 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 well if he is trying to push the button, then its working very much. why would he do that? we over anyway and he is the one who wants to be friends, and keep telling me that i am still special to him and that someday he wants the chance to be with me again, but they way he act like that looks like its not goin to happen at all. either he slept around or not it doesnt worry me anymore, he said that and thats it.
Author confuse80 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 anyway, i am ok now, i am not angry anymore, i am letting go, its hurt but it would be the best thing i will ever done to my self and moving on so i can have my life back. having him around as a friend also dont bring me happiness at all, only bring tears to my eyes. i moved on for me and no one else. he can have the life that he wanted and i am not goin to be there for him anymore.
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