imonyourside Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 i am wondering what to do in this situation i am in so i will get right to it. basically, i started dating this guy a few weeks ago and all we ever do is go to his friends houses (who i know some of them) and drink and have a good time. theres no problems there i'm just letting you know what kind of relationship this is - a laid back one. anyway, so this guy i'm dating doesn't have a car. he is working so he can BUY a car but right now, he just doesn't have one. luckily all his friends live close but unfortunately i'm the one who is always driving us around. well for new years eve we drove about an hour and a half away to hang out with my friends and we had a lot of fun. new years day we drive back and stop somewhere on the way home at his friends house and hang out there for a few hours. then we go pick up one of this other friends and all of us drive back to my boyfriends house. we are drinking and carrying on and i'm getting pretty sh**faced and they want to go to their friends house. now i'm laying under a blanket f***ing tired and i don't want to go. but they need me.. they need me to go because i have a car. so they are all trying to convince me go to and i'm just like i can't i really can't. finally i say ok but when my bfs friends leave its just me and him and he asks me if i'm ok. i said no i'm really not i don't want to go i want to go to sleep. and we are just standing there and it was so awkward.. i could tell he was just searching for the right words rather than just saying "can we take your car?". he said some bull**it like you can go there and pass out there. its like why the hell would i do that when i could just do that here?! i felt like such a fool because he just wanted my car. he finally said ok well i have to go tell them we can't go. and i said no don't do that. and he said well we don't have a car. so i gave him my keys and off they went. and i'm really paranoid about my car. i HATE when anyone drives my car and he knows that. now maybe i just need to be a more laid back person about this but i'm really not too sure. i feel like sometimes he might just be using me because i have a car and the capability to drive. and it sucks questioning his motives but i don't know what else to do. i don't want to be the one who always has to drive or give up my car to basically a guy i met not too long ago and strangers. i think he could tell i was kind of put off but now what do i do? i don't want to cause drama but i don't know how to tell him hey we need to stop using my car. nobody else seems to have a f**king car and it sucks because i'm always going to be the one looked at since i have keys. help?
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I hate to sound harsh but - you're being used as a doormat. And you're letting them do it. First off, if anyone's had a drink, they shouldn't even be thinking of using a car, full stop. No arguments. That goes for you AND anyone else. Secondly, he got away with using your car because you let him. You should have stuck to your guns, if all he loves you for is the car - is he worth it anyway? Thirdly, if you go anywhere, and people use you like a taxi - then ask for a contribution towards fuel. "Hey *imonyourside*, we're all going to a great do on saturday! You coming?" "OH! Yeah guys, that would be great! How we getting there?" "Well, we were hoping you could give us a ride in your car!" "Cool! Yeh, ok, brill, no problem, but you'll all give me something for the fuel, yeah?" (broad smile) If they start complaining, tell them there's always a cab or a bus....!
Saxis Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I hate to sound harsh but - you're being used as a doormat. And you're letting them do it. First off, if anyone's had a drink, they shouldn't even be thinking of using a car, full stop. No arguments. That goes for you AND anyone else. Secondly, he got away with using your car because you let him. You should have stuck to your guns, if all he loves you for is the car - is he worth it anyway? Agreed. "Well, we were hoping you could give us a ride in your car!" Or....: "I would, but my tank is on empty and I'm a little low on cash!" If they don't even offer after that, you don't want these people as friends...
JackJack Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I'm going to agree with the others. Sounds like you're being used. Either flat out tell them NO you can't keep driving them around. Or, tell them if you are going to be their taxi you would appreciate some help with some gas money.
Author imonyourside Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 yeah true. i know i need to start speaking up for myself. its just kind of silly because his friends all live like .7 miles away from eachother so it doesn't seem like it would take much gas at all. so its like not even that. its just the fact that i don't like feeling like they only want me to hang out because i have a car. grr so complicated..
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Errr...No, it isn't. The fact that you have had three replies from 3 people - and we all say the same thing, actually means it's very simple. One (as you agree) stick up for yourself and don't be a doormat. Two: when it comes to cars, driving it around with other people and being pressured in to being a taxi - for him and others - as above!
Author imonyourside Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 youre right its not complicated. or at least it shouldn't be. but i hate any kind of confrontation and its not even really about the gas. i just don't want to be used so its like i have to try and figure out what hes really sticking around me for. anyway i text messaged him telling him that i didn't feel like it was fair of him to put me in that situation last night. he agreed saying he regreted doing that to me and he was sorry, it was pretty selfish. then i said something like just make sure it doesn't happen again and he said i had his word. so.. now what? that sounds good right? well lets hope so...
Geishawhelk Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 "watch this space" as they say. I think you need to clarify to him, face to face, that your car is off-limits to anybody - including you - who's had a drink. And - I'm sorry to sound critical, but - if you DO agree to give people lifts and act as friendly-cab (do the above about the gas money anyway!) It really is very irresponsible of you to have anything alcoholic. if you know driving is going to spoil your fun, and make you the only one in the group who doesn't get a drink - then don't drive! Let him know the conditions up front. be nice, discuss it with him amicably. Tell him you're looking forward as much as he is to his getting a car, because you realise it must be a real pain for him to keep having to ask you... (it dents his ego a bit, which is why he was a bit 'controlling' the other night, too....) But that you feel a little bit....'used.... folks don't live that far away from each other, so how about limiting use to when you really need it? And it would be nice if all these pals could help with fuel costs.... doesn't he think so....? Good luck. Let us know how you get on. It's good though, that this episode has made you realise a bit of self-assertiveness is what you need....Start as you mean to go on - you know - "I am Woman - hear me roar!!!!"
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