Nomad1 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Hi all, Some of you will remember a couple of threads I posted on here to do with my break-up with my wife. Out of the blue, wanted her space etc. then things escaled in the space of 4 months to divorce and selling the house. We have 3 kids (13, 15 and 16). We have been living together but separately for 4 months now. Probably another 3 or 4 months before things are finalised. We are now at a stage of 'friends' and trying to negotiate what is good for the kids. The kids want to stay with both of us. My wife suggested that we could have all three of them a week at a time. I was looking forward to a life of being single and seeing the kids once or twice a week, but my wife seems keen on the idea of 50/50. I am a responsible father and will put my kids first and particularly that they want to be with both of us. I am wondering whether this will provide a stable environment for them. Anyone out there had a similar experience? Your comments appreciated. Nomad1
Mz. Pixie Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Hi all, Some of you will remember a couple of threads I posted on here to do with my break-up with my wife. Out of the blue, wanted her space etc. then things escaled in the space of 4 months to divorce and selling the house. We have 3 kids (13, 15 and 16). We have been living together but separately for 4 months now. Probably another 3 or 4 months before things are finalised. We are now at a stage of 'friends' and trying to negotiate what is good for the kids. The kids want to stay with both of us. My wife suggested that we could have all three of them a week at a time. I was looking forward to a life of being single and seeing the kids once or twice a week, but my wife seems keen on the idea of 50/50. I am a responsible father and will put my kids first and particularly that they want to be with both of us. I am wondering whether this will provide a stable environment for them. Anyone out there had a similar experience? Your comments appreciated. Nomad1 I split 50/50 custody with my ex. I have them one week, he has them the next and we negotiate holidays and other events that we need to. If you have to be divorced IMO 50/50 is the best way to go. My kids seem well adjusted and enjoy being at both places- and then it still gives you time to have a social life. The best way to do it is to keep the rules the same at both places. My ex and I are pretty much always on the same page about discipline and issues like that.
Confused9 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 My friend did something like this back in high school. She was with her mom the first half of the week and her dad the second. It took her a LOT to get used to it. Are the schools close to where you will both live? What about thier friends? You need to make sure it's convenient for them and not too stressful. They are going through a lot with the divorce and this should be a smooth transition as possible. I know that's tough, but you sound like you have their best interests in mind.
Author Nomad1 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Ms Pixie - thanks. How long have you had this arrangement? How do your kids respond to having to live in two different places? Confuse9 - They won't need to change schools since at the very most, they will have the same distance to travel as they do now. My wife will probably get a house much closer to their school than where we are at present. I just have to get them to leave on time in the morning, which has always been a challenge (teenagers!). I am just hoping that it will work. I guess they are old enough to be independent when they get home after school while I am still at work. Cheers Nomad1
Confused9 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I think as long as they have two loving parent's who want to be in their live...they are golden. when my parent's divorced my dad wanted nothing to do with us. that was brutal. It's great that you and your wife are putting your children's emotions, etc first. Some people, not all, but some don't do that and that is very hard on the children. I applaud you for that. good luck with everything!
Mz. Pixie Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Ms Pixie - thanks. How long have you had this arrangement? How do your kids respond to having to live in two different places? Nomad1 Three years. They have everything they need at both houses so it's been okay for them. They love to come to my house but equally like to go to their dad's house. I have worked very hard to make sure my house is like home, even though their dad lives in the marital home. I think that's is part of what has made it so easy for them, that and the fact that we've kept the rules consistent in both places. They know their dad and I are together on the same page as far as most issues go so they don't tend to test the waters as much, ie, "But dad lets me do so and so" etc.
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