dprelz Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I am going through a very difficult time right now in my life, as my dad just passed away from a horrible struggle with cancer. I know I have to be strong for my mom, who is struggling to get up every morning from the pain of losing her companion of 33 years. The problem is, thinking about his death and suffering of our whole family for the last few months brings me down to a point where I think of all the things that have been hurting me. Especially a lost love, who for the past year and a half I have not been thinking about much. But with the state of mind I am in now I feel so weak, and somehow I feel she is the only person who when she says "I'm sorry" will make me weep. I miss her so deeply but feel ashamed to contact her and leech emotional help from her, especially because our breakup was so difficult for both of us. I looked her up on facebook and she looked happy; she has a new boyfriend.. Everyday is so difficult for me right now. One night I have a nightmare, replaying the night where my dad died in front of me eyes. The next night I have a dream in which her and I are together and I feel so calm, safe and happy. Until I wake up and realize I have lost both of them. How can I be strong for my mom when I can't even deal with something I should have been over years ago? The underlining problem here is that I am so needy. What do I do about it?
AudiA4 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 bro I feel ya its hard for me I have nightmares too. I dream of us being together and happy but wake up and then it hits me like a baseball hitting a bat. and it hurts I have woken up and started crying for no reason and sometimes just pass out from being so tired. its really hard I have been trying to find some closure from the forums many people I have been talking too help I wont lie it does help to let it out but it is still very hard for all of us. just gotta try and get it out work out or something i don't hang out much with friends I spend most of my days now working out and running it sucks but its the only thing that halps somewhat with the pain its hard really hard.
so_sad Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I'm very sorry about your father. I don't think you are needy. You're going through what must be one of the most difficult things in life, and it's natural to want to be comforted. Please don't beat yourself up over it. It's not bad (in fact, it's good) to want to talk to people you care about when something like this happens. Good luck.
Lee725 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 The underlining problem here is that I am so needy. What do I do about it? You are not needy dprelz, when trying to cope with the loss of your father & trying help your mother while also searching for the comfort that was provided by your ex, you may have never needed people as much as you do now. it does not make you needy, it makes you human. My story is not unsimilar to yours: My father is gravely ill & i have perhaps spent my last Christmas & birthday with him (his b'day boxing day), my mother is un-well, my EX & i broke up because i was a rebound to him, one of my dear friends done something to me which i cant forgive. I too am reaching out right now, so if you are needy... we are in the basket together {{reach over & give me a hug Huh?}} It can be so painful. We are surrounded by friends, who are there to help us. They do the best they can as we sit there alone, opposite the table from them and their loving partners (as they hold hands and cuddle), and they try to give us up lifting advice to get us through, it might be me, i might be selfish but it is in these moments you wish you had someone beside you or in front of you who could feel your pain in the same way as you do, not people who kiss and cuddle & remind you of the support & love of a partner you had but lost. Friends are great, but nothing seems to beat a loving partner who you can collapse into the arms of as they hold you while you explode with emotion. I have found great comfort in writing... i keep a journal both written and a computer one (off-line). I sit and write crap for hours... i know it is not for everyone, but it seems to help me because no matter how angry you are, no matter why or at who, no matter how bad your language gets you can let it all out and no-one judges, no-one tells you that you are wrong & especially no-one gets angry at you because you are screaming. If this does not work for you try different things, some people run, some people take up a hobby (got one of those too - crochteting - i get sad & go granny ) What ever you do get it out babe, but please dont contact your EX, as there may be a whole world of pain just waiting there for you if you re-open that door.
Author dprelz Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Thank you for the replies. It always amazes me how kind complete strangers are; and how much a couple sentences written by them help me. I know I can't contact her, and this is what I wanted to hear. I guess I just wished on some level she could somehow help me when I needed her the most. Thanks:)
TheStudent Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Hey man, im so sorry about your father. I kinda feel you right there, my dad has been suffering with cancer too and my partner has always been there... So i know its nice to have someone beside you during tough times.. Well, if its just you and your mother, i think your mom is probably just getting her energy from you or someone close to her. Keep the positive attitude and just be on the lighter side; easier said than done as they say but hey, we gota do what we gota do.. Sometimes we really can be emotional and that makes us real and very human.
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