wowIlose Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 So it's been 4 months since my hard breakup with my first love, first girlfriend and first sex partner (both virgins at the time) of 4 years. It hit me hard when we broke up as it was sudden for me. I broke down, did the whole groveling and pleading thing. Shortly after I went NC. This lasted about a month and than I went LC (low contact) and we started talking again. Meanwhile I was doing everything to better myself, and try to move on but no matter how much I went out, partied at the end of each night I wanted her back with me. I stopped all the pleading, groveling and I'll admit I went NC/LC in hopes of getting her back but at the same time I was really trying to move on if that makes sense. Anywho, long story short is I had dinner with her last week. We had a nice talk, everything was great, we had a good time and I recommended she come over and see a movie at my house.. she agreed. So she came over tonight and I wish she never did. We watched some dane cook and after I gave her a kiss and it was alright I guess.. I could tell she was scared and unsure of it. Than for some reason I asked a question that I should have never asked.. i knew she wasnt in a relationship and I was certain what the answer was but I was not ready for what I was about to hear. Basicly I asked her if shes had sex with anyone else yet in a joking manner but I did want to know (we were each others first) and the answer hit me like a baseball bat to the head at full speed... she said she did... I than reluctuntly got her to tell me with who.. I wasn't mad and was somewhat cool , I didn't break down or cry but felt like it.. anyway the guy was someone I hang out with a few times , one of her friends kinda thing at the time of going out and we actually 2 months prior to our break up all went up and had a road trip. This guy was there. So now as you can imagine all I see when I close my eyes is an image of them having sex... a very unbearable feeling so I cant sleep tonight until I litterly pass out. I also asked if she liked him and she wasn't even sure, in fact I think she said she didnt really like him.. (but had sex with him 3 times since our break up..). Yes I got this info out of her by calmly asking since I already mind ***ed myself anyway. Right after this I needed to get stuff off my mind so I quickly called a friend to go see a movie with him and not sit at home dwelling over what I just found out. As I was about to leave another one of my friends called and told me my best friend was in a crash last night (drinking and driving) and almost died and was in emergency at the hospital a few blocks from my house. We both had to much to drink on new years and we were together all night till I blacked out, I woke up in his house, tried calling him all day and couldnt get a hold of him. I canceled the movie and rushed to the hospital to see him. He fractured his shoulder, and broke 2 ribs and was all bloodied up from the accident. I almost cried when I saw him as he barely opened his eyes and told me he was happy I came to see him. He was on morphine so I didnt stay long. So here I am trying to stay calm and collected after today and the only way I can explain how I am feeling is as if someone took 90 pound weight and put it on your chest and I feel a constant uneasy pressure and a very low feeling. I have never in my whole life felt this low. I am trying to be as strong as I can but my mind is destroying me in every each way if I go idle for a few minutes. Has anyone ever felt so low that life didn't feel worth living? I am not talking suicidal thoughts but extreme low of depression. How do I cope with this? I dont know where to start. Thanks for reading.
Double D Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Dam! That sounds intense. First things first is to try and not let this deciate your life. Its your life and youir in control of itSo starting as little as waking up in the morning and breathing and going to work/school is just a start. As with your ex. Its over mate, so we have got to put things in place to try and move on. You were each other's first and that will never leave you but you need to keep yourself healthy and safe and you never know what tomorrow will hold. Keep it going!
Always Wrong Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 As I have recently recieved this same advice, and it seems to be working, I'll pass it along. "Time heals all wounds". Sorry to hear about your situation. Since the beginning of time we've been playing a game that has no rules. So the best we can do is make our own and keep on keepin on. Hope it all turns out.
Author wowIlose Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks for responding. I am still up and haven't slept since. I don't know why I am having such a difficult time letting go. I know its not easy but I never imagined myself feeling like this. Deep down inside I know its over and been over but I continue to find hope and it actually makes me feel better when I put myself in that mindset. But the hope is temporary since once it gets crushed my mind descends into a dark abyss till I create new hope. Its something I have to stop but I can't do it right now. Maybe this is one of those things thats going to take me a year or two to really get over and done with. Seeing how its only been 5 months or so. Still 5 months that felt like eternity and now I have no idea how I am going to cope with constant thought of her having sex with a new guy.
Nomad1 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I know it is hard and that it is easier said than done, but let it go. Your Ex has a right to choose who she wants to have sex with and so do you. She clearly does not feel the same way about you as you do for her. It is good to have hope of course, but hope for a diffrent encounter with someone else, not with her. Would you really take her back? You will always have the image of her sleeping with someone else while you were pining for her. YOU MUST FORGET ABOUT HER, otherwise, you will prolong the agony for YOU. She's done and has moved on very quickly. TRUST ME, letting her go is the only way out of this. Switch her off. Don't accept her offer of friendship. It only confuses things and will prolong your agony. Start dating other girls, nothing serious, but have fun. Take care man Nomad1
s_n_d Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks for responding. I am still up and haven't slept since. I don't know why I am having such a difficult time letting go. I know its not easy but I never imagined myself feeling like this. Deep down inside I know its over and been over but I continue to find hope and it actually makes me feel better when I put myself in that mindset. But the hope is temporary since once it gets crushed my mind descends into a dark abyss till I create new hope. Its something I have to stop but I can't do it right now. Maybe this is one of those things thats going to take me a year or two to really get over and done with. Seeing how its only been 5 months or so. Still 5 months that felt like eternity and now I have no idea how I am going to cope with constant thought of her having sex with a new guy. I feel the same way.. Hang in there. Its been two months since my ex and I broke up. Although i know its over, i just cant stand here and watch as the best thing that ever happened to me leaves my life.
asilisa Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Last time I logged on I thought about you and thought maybe you were doing much better since I haven't seen any post from you. I can't imagine what it must be like to know that your ex is having sex with someone else. I don't have any real advice for you because honestly I'm not doing so well myself. I hope things get better for you and you can move on from this. Everyone says that with time things will get better so maybe that is all we have. I hope your friend gets well soon -Lisa
StartingAnew Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I actually did the break up (4 yrs together) and then regretted it and tried to get her back. Within a week she had already moved on. So she ignored me and never answered any calls and told me to leave her alone. I knew something had to be up with her so I would check facebook/myspace etc. Could not find the answers I needed there and could not move into the angry stage towards her. So I started to tourture myself by figuring out passwords to email etc. Anyways, ended up finding her online private journal and logged in. Here I find within one month of us breaking up she slept with 5 different guys in one week, comparing all of them to me. (I was her first and only, so she claimed) So I confront her on it via email and tell her how sick it makes me to think she could do that to herself. She calls back and I simply dont answer. Her last message to me, in the past 30 or so days was "I hope you die in a fire a-hole" (me being a volunteer with the fire service for 8 years of my life) Moral of the story, it really helped to know that and move on because now i NEVER want that back. It took her from the pedestal in my heart and head to the scum underneath my shoes. I know all girls go wild now and then, but thats just disgusting. So hang in there man and in time you will take her off that pedestal and realize what kind of person she really is. It is tough but it takes time, and every woman you see you will compare to her. Then eventually you will meet some girl, and you will dream of her instead of the nightmares of the ex. Thats when I knew I was healed. (Oh and your first few dates with new women will go so horribly bad so expect that) Best of luck! Sorry it was long winded...
Author wowIlose Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks again for responding. I think its really time for me to let go and stop creating hope. I did go on a few coffee dates but either didn't like the girl right of the bat or just didn't find her all that attractive but I'll keep trying I guess. Last night after she told me about what happened I gave her back the last picture of her and me I had kept in my shelf. It was a picture she gave to me with us in it and had the words "I love you (name).." in it. I told her she has to have it or I'll throw it out as I cant be tortured by these little things around my house anymore. I had also removed her number from my phone (this was even prior to tonight to stop myself from calling while I was in NC when I got drunk). Also I removed her from my facebook and the guy as well.. cant believe I had him on my facebook this whole time heh.. I had no clue since they never posted on each other walls but had seen him in a few pictures of hers(never directly together alone) but always thought they were just friends and so I didn't see this coming. I thought of 5 different guys that weren't him when she told me initially she had sex with someone else. I thought I could handle seeing her again and was certain she wasn't having sex with anyone else yet, thought it would take her a long time to get comfortable around someone before she can have sex again but I guess I was wrong, you think you know someone till something like this happens. Also my friend called me today hes doing much better and will probably still be in the hospital for a few more days but he sounded like he was making a recovery from his accident so that lifted some pressure of my chest. Looks like NC+Time is the only way. I hope to god I also meet some cool girl that blows my world and makes me forget about this girl but iam doubting myself for some reason. Need a confidence boost i guess.
82knightrider Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I was in the same situation and I have decided to never talk to her ever again. Totally caught me by surprise .It really messed me up for a while.Because I am a nice guy and my 2 closest friends took advantage that.(ex g/f and ex friend had a fling) 4 me I have a lot of anger inside me but slowly I get better improving myself every day.Successful life is the best revenge
your star Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 hi wowIlose. my only advice for you would be to focus on you and you alone. you probably need to allow yourself to really heal rather than try and go out with other girls right away. but that's just my thoughts... i started no contact with my ex of 6 1/2 years and im not going to say it is easy. but it is something you have control of and as they say, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. we can go on the nc roller coaster together and hold on for dear life
Lee725 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Hi Wowilose, i have been reading your posts for quite some time now, i have read your sadness and i have felt for you. Eventually this will pain will ease, the cloud of depression will lift and you will feel alive again. I know you must be so sick of reading one liners like this. I really wish there was something inspirational i could say that would strip away all this sadness you feel right now, but i am sorry i have nothing. I just want you to know, as useless as it is my heart goes out to you & i really hope that happiness and contentment find you really soon. I sincerely hope your friend gets better soon. Good luck and BIG HUGS TO YOU! {{{{BIG SQUISHY HUG}}}}
FooledOnce Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Sorry for your pain, buddy. Personally, I am taking your story as a precautionary tale to stay away from my ex.
Author wowIlose Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks for the support everyone. Today was another day of hell as I broke down again for the first time in weeks. The reality of the situation was stronger than ever, the crushed hope of reuniting gone. Nothing for my weak mind to cling to. I let it out and composed myself. Went to watch Sweeny Todd and about 75% through the movie all I could think of is them having sex as I am watching this. Torturous thoughts... couldn't stop grabbing my head like I wanted to palm it and crush it along with my brain so to stop myself from thinking of this bull****.. Let this post be a warning to those thinking of meeting up with their exes.. I thought I was ready to see her again but wish I just didn't. As for not getting out there and meeting new people.. iam not gonna stop myself from any opportunities because of this. Shes wasting no time, I been reserving myself and I think maybe meeting someone new will help. I won't know till I try. Don't get me wrong I been working on myself since day 1 of the break up but have yet to try pursuing a new relationship even if its a fling. Has anyone tried a few months after with good results?
82knightrider Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Yeah,My wx and I broke up in july.I was rock bottom too.I have come a long way since then.About 1 month ago I started talking and going out with this really cool girl.I dont even think about my ex anymore. Now whats on my mind is coming up with fun things to enjoy with her .
Author wowIlose Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 How did you cope with it? Was it simply over time it got easier? Or was it when you got this new girl interested in you?
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