marcus0884 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Ok well to sum up a long story. My sister in law thought it would be a good idea to hook me up with her boss. We exchanged numbers and she and I hit it off. We would talk on the phone for hours everyday. We met in person and it was something out of a fairy tale. She said I am perfect and that she was falling in love with me( also talks of eventually moving in together). However she did tell me that she had a few issues ...being that she got out of a serious relationship not that long ago. Nevertheless we continued dating and things were going great. She and I were very very happy together. Now heres the clintcher.. She left the country to visit her family for the holidays and would not return till later janurary and the night before she left she spoke to me as if she was never coming back. She said she needed time to get over things and work out her issues also. But the fact that she hasnt called me in about 3 weeks is bugging me. Her cell phone is off. I havent seen her online either. I really dont know what to do. I wonder if i should just move on but im afraid if i do move on and she does come back that im going to hurt her. I dont know if i should just wait. regardless Im very unhappy right now and feeling very lost. The relationship seemed perfect.
MLR930 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I think you should just move on, you shouldn't have to wait for anyone. I have a friend who was in a similar situation. He was engaged to this girl he grew up with and she went down to New Mexico to go visit her sister and said that she'd call him when she got there, she never called him and left him hanging and it really broke his heart. She later told his mother that she was hoping he'd get off his butt and go down to New Mexico and sweep her off her feet and bring her home. The whole thing was just cruel and ridiculous.
Jilly Bean Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 How odd! But, people constantly do baffling things... I also think you should move on. I think her silence speaks volumes. And if she comes back, no way should you sweat hurting her if she does! What would you owe her at that point? If she wanted things to be over, she could have showed you the basic human courtesy of being up front with you. Tell sisinlaw you will find your own dates next time...
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 No point in waiting for someone who is giving up the silent treatment. If she's going to come around again- you can make the choice if you want to keep dating her. I wouldn't keep cpntacting her though. She isn't being consistent- so I'd move on!
Author marcus0884 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks, Ya I kinda want to move on and I probably should but the lack of closure really bites so its gonna take some time. Ive actually been considering going over to her mom's house to discuss this. At this point im really losing my mind and just need some kind of answer : \
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I wouldn't do it- no visiting the parents to enquire... it may ruin any chance you have at a reconciliation....trust me. I have had relationships that ended without closure- and they suck. You question what went wrong- obsess over how you could have done things differently- you wonder what she is thinking... I know the drill. Sometimes you will find you have to make your own closure, and come to peace with the loss. Posting here is a good way to begin the process of closure. If you talk to her mom- word will get back to her and she may find this an intrusive act on your part. I beg you to reconsider this. Right now- the ball is in her court- you have contacted her and she isn't responding. The best way to handle it is to give her space and leave her to resolve her issues. When you go into no contact mode with her- she'll respect that you gave her space- and it will give her an opportunity to figure out if she misses you. I had someone walk out on me with no explanation a bit ago and it drove me crazy. We had been so close and had so much fun. I didn't even see the disappearing act coming. I made a couple attempts at contact- to no avail, so I backed off. And guess what- he came back. Well- he started texting and asking to see me again. When you back away, it gives them a chance to figure out if they miss you. You cannot change how she feels by talking to her mom. You cannot get answers from her if her phone is off and she is being silent. It sucks- but be patient and wait it out. In the meantime, do your best to move on and treat things like it's over. Make your own closure for now. Perhaps it really is just space that she needs. If that's the case- you'll push her away by continuing to contact and by visiting her family for answers. I hope that helps. I too have been in that situation- and when the person left me alone- I contacted them after I had straightened things out for myself. Hope that helps give you some insight. D
Author marcus0884 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I'll definately take those words of wisdom : ) Thanks. I have been going out with friends more and maybe join a gym to keep my mind occupied. I dont think you could have said it any better.
Author marcus0884 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 (edited) I did forget to mention what she told me before she left. She said that her parents were going to sell all theyre properties here. That is when I asked if shes coming back and where she is going to stay. She never answered me just ignored the question completely. However she spoke to me about comeing back in a month and possibly moving in together. So many mixed signals .This is why i was kinda hell bent on getting some answers.. She just bought a new car and its sitting at theyre house so I know she has to come back (my friend lives down the road). Edited January 2, 2008 by marcus0884
EYECANDY000 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Ok well to sum up a long story. My sister in law thought it would be a good idea to hook me up with her boss. We exchanged numbers and she and I hit it off. We would talk on the phone for hours everyday. We met in person and it was something out of a fairy tale. She said I am perfect and that she was falling in love with me( also talks of eventually moving in together). However she did tell me that she had a few issues ...being that she got out of a serious relationship not that long ago. Nevertheless we continued dating and things were going great. She and I were very very happy together. Now heres the clintcher.. She left the country to visit her family for the holidays and would not return till later janurary and the night before she left she spoke to me as if she was never coming back. She said she needed time to get over things and work out her issues also. But the fact that she hasnt called me in about 3 weeks is bugging me. Her cell phone is off. I havent seen her online either. I really dont know what to do. I wonder if i should just move on but im afraid if i do move on and she does come back that im going to hurt her. I dont know if i should just wait. regardless Im very unhappy right now and feeling very lost. The relationship seemed perfect. Im sorry Marcus! heres a hug \0/ I know how it feels to be with someone and it seems very perfect and then poof thats it and they vanish in thin air. I would still have hope that she will return only because you stated that she should return in less than a month. Im sure you wont find someone and truely connect with them in 3 weeks. If you do meet someone of course you will take it slow. and if the girl who went out of the country returns and you decided to start off where it ended then you can easily let the new girl go.. (if there is a new girl).. Wait it out and see what happens. Maybe something happend to her phone or shes not able to get signal in another country.
Author marcus0884 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks for the hug eyecandy : ) Im just waiting it out and getting into shape meanwhile. Just really focusing on myself. But my god does it hurt somtimes. it when from perfect to poof! She even said I am "the perfect man" Funny thing was is she was the one chasing me and pursing a relationship with me. I was the one who gave it a shot.. I guess i had the upper hand. and so i did give it a shot hehe .
Author marcus0884 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) I wouldn't do it- no visiting the parents to enquire... it may ruin any chance you have at a reconciliation....trust me. I really do appreciate your insight but the little detail that i failed to mention is that she spoke to me as if she is never coming back. Although I poked and prodded and tried hard to get a straight answer I could never get one, she just kept crying and crying the day before she left and I have yet to hear from her. The girl did have issues and the one that sticks to mind is that she got out of a relationship *she was engaged to get married*about a year before she met me and it all went to hell because the guy cheated on her several times and eventually treated her like crap. I could tell that she was hurt and I intended on being her Knight in shinning armor and aparently I did that well since she "fell in love" with me and said that i made her so happy. She even met my entire family for Thanksgiving but she practicly invited herself! However, we did break up once throughout the relationship because she said she just wasnt ready for me and didnt want to hurt me... the day after she called me crying said she missed me and just could not be without me " you are the best thing to ever happen to me". Other than that the relationship was p e r f e c t. However when it came to sex..we didnt have it. I tried my usual spanish seduction approach which works wonders lol. And she said she wanted to wait awhile before we did. And I did hell we were seeing each other for 4 months.. no sex in four months is painful to me. Nevertheless she was well worth it, her personality was just what i was looking for and she even said the same about me..-she said that about me first though- ok ok I digress, I am so worried you cannot belive. The day she left I came down with bronchitis and the flu and was bed ridden for nearly a week and im STILL sick. I cant sleep and I cant eat I just want some answers. There is a mutual friend that I know would know exactly whats up but I am hesitant to talk to him due to what you said about inquireing about her.. Anyway what do you think D-lish Just to note: I know it was only 4 months but it was so perfect in everyway and seeing that we were both so happy was fullfilling. Even my friends and family are shocked! I do have plenty of confidence.I m goodlooking and studying to be a doctor of anesthesiology and currently in a very meaninful and respectful career. I know I am a very good catch and can easily find another girl, but lately every time i go out I just dont want to even try ...not being concided : P Edited January 3, 2008 by marcus0884 note
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Well, what I think is that you are in desperate need of answers- and you are trying to come up with solutions that will give you some answers. Mutual friend is better to talk to than her parents. There is less of a chance that your enquiry will get back to her. Talking to her parents will get back to her... and I know if I was in her shoes wanting space and working things out that I would be angry if you talked to my parents. I'd see it as an intrusive move and it would push me away. Mutual friend? How mutual? Closer to her, or closer to you? Honestly, I think that your best revenge is being happy. If she gets wind you are moving on, being social, and moving on with your life... that will have more of an impact than having her find out you are still pining for her. If she's asked for space and she's gone away to get that... as painful as it is for you... it's best you leave her be- and leave her friends and family be. If you do run into them- you should be your happy fun self! That's what you want her to hear. It will probably have an impact on her if she thinks you are moving on and forgetting about her. I know that seeing my ex move on and being happy affects me more than knowing he wants me back. Just step lightly.... why not post here a bit longer before making a decision on who to talk to. i am sure you did have chemistry and a good relationship- her wanting a break doesn't negate what the two of you had. Don't look at it that way. Also- you don't want to be with her anyway if she has unresolved feelings for an ex. You want to be the and only.
Kamille Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I'm sorry you're going through this Marcus. I just wondered about practicalites though, as I read your thread. Are you sure that she has access to a computer and the internet wherever it is that she went? It doesn't excuse the sudden lack of contact completely, but internet access is not readily available everywhere in the world. Also, depending on where she is, the cell networks might not be compatible with her phone. (My canadian phone, for example, doesn't work in Europe). I know you are hurting and you're feeling a loss right now. We are physiologically programmed to feel this way when we are separated from someone we are falling in love with leaves. Think of it as some kind of chemical withdrawal: the person we love makes us feel good, and when they leave we feel loss because we no longer have them to provide the feel good chemicals. In this case, joining a gym is a great idea, as it can actually provide some levels of feel good chems and it will help you feel like you are thinking more clearly about your situation. Think of it this way: she is doing what she needs to sort herself out. Hopefully this will work out so that she comes back to you more then ready for an R.
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I'm sorry you're going through this Marcus. I just wondered about practicalites though, as I read your thread. Are you sure that she has access to a computer and the internet wherever it is that she went? It doesn't excuse the sudden lack of contact completely, but internet access is not readily available everywhere in the world. Also, depending on where she is, the cell networks might not be compatible with her phone. (My canadian phone, for example, doesn't work in Europe). I know you are hurting and you're feeling a loss right now. We are physiologically programmed to feel this way when we are separated from someone we are falling in love with leaves. Think of it as some kind of chemical withdrawal: the person we love makes us feel good, and when they leave we feel loss because we no longer have them to provide the feel good chemicals. In this case, joining a gym is a great idea, as it can actually provide some levels of feel good chems and it will help you feel like you are thinking more clearly about your situation. Think of it this way: she is doing what she needs to sort herself out. Hopefully this will work out so that she comes back to you more then ready for an R. What are you doing up so late Kam? lol. I think you will be ok M. Post here always- and talk things out before you make a move. get some opinions and then make a decision. This site has saved me from many a poor choice. Kamille in particular helped me through an awful time with great advice when I was a newbie. Hang in- ask first.... promise???!
Author marcus0884 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 The friend I speak of D-lish, is more her friend than mine, but He is a very nice guy (happily married) so im kinda thinking he would enlighten me. Kamille ,she doesnt have internet accesss and her cell phone doesnt work over there. BUT there are land lines that work but then again im not sure if they work well where shes at. But ya I feel like im going through withdraws here ha! A week before she left she was talking about she and I possibly moving in together and she was even talking about changing her major and just generally talking about what we're going to do when she gets back. She did tell me that contacting me would be a problem for her over there. Considering that she said she'll be gone for a month. i'll wait the month which is actually just 2 weeks to go now and after that i'll contact her friend , that is if it seems like a good idea. Thank you guys you cant imagine how this is helping me : )
Kamille Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I'm glad it helps Marcus! it's sometimes hard to keep things in perspective and we're here to help each other do just that, aren't we? What are you doing up so late Kam? lol. I think you will be ok M. Post here always- and talk things out before you make a move. get some opinions and then make a decision. This site has saved me from many a poor choice. Kamille in particular helped me through an awful time with great advice when I was a newbie. Hang in- ask first.... promise???! I'm actually up incredibly early. Apparently I was snoring, bf tried to move me but it woke me up instead.
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 hey wait? What are you doing up so late D? mmmmmm..... insomnia. Just something that surfaces in time of stress! lol. You snore????? lol. The last time a boy stayed over I woke up and went with my regular morning routine and let a loud fart fly. I forgot he was there- hey! I was disoriented!! lol. He stirred a little bit, so I punched him in the arm and told him he had just farted. haha. he apologized and went back to sleep. Crisis overted.
GangstaGrillz Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 If you are really into her, then you'll wait for her. You never know what's her reason for not trying to get in contact with you. Maybe trying to call someone from country to country is difficult. You may not know her circumstances right now.
Jilly Bean Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 The last time a boy stayed over I woke up and went with my regular morning routine and let a loud fart fly. I forgot he was there- hey! I was disoriented!! lol. He stirred a little bit, so I punched him in the arm and told him he had just farted. haha. he apologized and went back to sleep. Crisis overted. Classic. I usually blamed it on the dog. Er, not that I ever do that, I mean...
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