your star Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I need to vent, so here goes... last night was the first new years ive spent alone in 6 years. it affected me so bad that I cried on my way home. now in january would have been our 7 yr mark. brief summary of my story is that my ex of 6 1/2 years broke up with me around june of 07. feel free to read my past posts for all the details. after disappearing from my life suddenly for 2 months, he reappeared on my birthday in october. we remained in contact after that and it got to be too much for me. i decided to go strict no contact with him because our convos always turned into me being too emotional. he told me that he doesnt want to lose me from his life, but isnt ready for a relationship yet and just wants me to go on with my life and be happy. i have disappeared for periods of time from him and he called me christmas morning and wished me a happy new year last night. i just dont get him at all. when it comes down to it, he says that right now in his life he is focused on his future. he always felt like he wasnt where he wanted to be career wise. and that he just cant handle a relationship right now and wants me to be happy. and that he's not the man to make me happy now. sometimes i just wish i never met him. it hurts me to feel pushed aside. im holding on to no contact for dear life to help me through this... i just had to vent because Im trying to get over a hump in this process. thanks to all who listen
s_n_d Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 sometimes i just wish i never met him. it hurts me to feel pushed aside. im holding on to no contact for dear life to help me through this... Same here. I feel your pain. Im trying NC right now. Its been a day.. :(
Lucky555 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 i myself cannot be friends with a man that i dated. It just can't happen. I too am doing no contact. I don't understand him either, its the only thing to help heal!
s_n_d Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 i myself cannot be friends with a man that i dated. It just can't happen. I too am doing no contact. I don't understand him either, its the only thing to help heal! How long have you been doing NC for?
Author your star Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 thank you both for replying. its comforting to know there are people out there who know how it feels. although no contact is the way to go, it's just sooo hard. but i know it has to be worth it in the end!
PinkRibbon Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I do understand also. This is my first one apart from my husband since 2002 (our first together). It was a long evening waiting and hoping he would text me, call me, come by or just something. But I got nothing as usual. It has been 26 days of No Contact and I hate it with a passion but I will cut my fingers off with a butter knife before I email or call him again after the last horrible time. Only so many times this puppy can be kicked before it gets the hint to stay away. I hope you feel better soon. And NC is the best when someone is playing with your heart.
Confused9 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I am in the same boat as you in terms of time; with him for 7 years, but he is a complete an utter @sshole to me every time I talked to him so in that aspect it's much different. Just continue moving forward and try and be strong. As hard as it is...you deserve to live a happy life and can't depend on him to help you do so. I know that s*cks but...moving on is all we can do at this point. Good luck! We are all here for you!
Author your star Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) Pink Ribbon - I will remember that next time he tries to pop in my life, that he is only back to play with my heart.. thank you. Confused - my ex also started to get mean. but i wasnt going to let him bring me down with him. someone once on the board said that its not a bad thing to lay your heart on the line and put it all on the table. i did that. and now i will walk away with dignity. thank you all. i also want to share this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQ-4f9GP92Q Edited January 3, 2008 by your star
PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I know this may sound cheesey but I was on the phone with my mother earlier and I was doing my usual snifflingg and tears running and sobbing because he "dumped" me like a pile of garbage and she said something that for some strange reason just hit me. It is nothing important but so simple. She said that it hurts right now and I will get over this but I will be able to look back at this in years to come and realize I was a good wife and a good person. I loved him with more depth and feeling than anyone ever has or ever will and I loved him unconditionally. And I put forth the love, energy and effort to want to make our marriage. And he may have the upperhand now with his new girlfriend but one day he will think about this and realize he never put forth the effort or had a marriage with me and no one will cherish or love him as much as I did. And I can go to bed every night with a clean mind where as he will forever be thinking about what he didn't do. So the man hateful men (And my husband is the leader of the hateful ex husband pack) will in someway shape or form will realize their mistake and it will eat at them forever, Cheesy I know but some reason I was like "yea I was a good wife" and I am a good woman and no ones needs to be played with especially with your heart..it is not a toy.
Author your star Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I loved him with more depth and feeling than anyone ever has or ever will and I loved him unconditionally. And I put forth the love, energy and effort to want to make our marriage. And he may have the upperhand now with his new girlfriend but one day he will think about this and realize he never put forth the effort or had a marriage with me and no one will cherish or love him as much as I did. And I can go to bed every night with a clean mind where as he will forever be thinking about what he didn't do. PinkRibbon, youre right. that's one part of me that keeps me going. I also loved my ex unconditionally. I did everything I possibly could and I can walk away knowing that. I know he does and will look back on our relationship one day and say you know there was this girl once who really loved me..They won't ever forget us, that's for sure. Thank you for sharing.
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