Lucky555 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Ok I just tried to see if i could be friends with a guy that i dated, I know I am supposed to get rid of him but me being me said just try to be friends see if that is ok. I tried, even in conversation via aim i have too many mixed emotions. I now must write him off completely but I know in my mind i gave it a shot. I can't help what i feel and i can't tell him because it wouldn't change anything between us. He is nice to me but i just have not got over the fact that i feel like i can't trust him and i just want to run now. I don't luv him or anything but I tense up whenever i talk to him even if its only online. I am afraid of him now, afraid he will try to enter my "world" and hurt me again. So nope i have decided i don't care about any consequences about not being his friend i just cant. I just needed this out. if you all have been here just let me know might help to heal.
Jilly Bean Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Then delete him as an IM buddy, hon. Once I break up with someone, it is often months, years, or sometimes never before we can even be civil. My relationships and affairs are pretty passionate, and they tend to end pretty acrimoniously and immediate friendship is not an option. Just put him out of your life.
oppath Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Then delete him as an IM buddy, hon. Once I break up with someone, it is often months, years, or sometimes never before we can even be civil. My relationships and affairs are pretty passionate, and they tend to end pretty acrimoniously and immediate friendship is not an option. Just put him out of your life. So many people fail to understand this. It's ok to try and be friends, but if you don't feel you can, don't even try. The sad part is one person usually doesn't understand. Often, it is the dumper. When women have dumped me, non-mutually, I tell them "I can't be your friend, not right away, not until I can look at you without any attraction or desire. Maybe after some time and space we can resume a friendship, but that may be 2 months from now, 6 months, 1 year, or never, I don't know. I only know that right now, I need time and space to heal, and I'd honestly appreciate it if you didn't contact me, not until I let you know I am ready." They rarely understand. "That's just immature and silly." Lucky, as long as you want more, you can't be genuine friends. This doesn't mean burning bridges, it doesn't necessarily mean you can't share the occasional you-tube link, it just means that face to face friendship is not something you are ready for yet. That is fine. It wouldn't hurt to explain this to him. Just understand, that he may not understand and may not listen if you request space. He may try to be friends. If that happens, try not to get all pissy at him. Ignore it.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I def. agree that i can't stay in contact with this guy. I have deleted him from my buddy list and i am going to go out and lift myself up. Yes, i know he won't understand. I know he is not ready for any sort of relationship and friendship is not something i can do. yeah i can still be nice to him if he contacts me and he will no why i am not online and I am looking out for me and putting in those boundaries! I am glad that some can relate to this, because i feel bad but I rather be able to be happy within and look for someone else who is on the same page as me.
torranceshipman Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Totally agree, don't be friends! If it helps you, do what I did - email the guy and explain to him that you think he is cool and would like to be friends, but you have too many feelings for that to happen right now, so you will cut him off 100% from MySpace, AIM, etc so you can move on - and can he not contact you, but you'll be back in touch and friendly when you're ready - but that he should know there is no ill feelings whatsoever and you look forward to the day you can be really cool friends (but that might not ever happen as after a few months have passed you wont give a crap anyway, lol). I did this with one ex and it was a really cool way of moving forward. And we're good friends agauin as a result (tho kind of friends...he now keeps kinda pushing for more than friends again). And if you feel uncomfortable sayin all that, hell, just delete him anyways without sayin a thing (-: Good luck n I hope you meet a new hottie some time soon to take your mind off him!
Author Lucky555 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Yes, i too wish to meet someone else soon. I have been keeping occupied with shopping. I am avoiding him at all costs. I will not hang out with him, contact him, nothing. I have deleted him from my aim. I can't "pretend" to be his friend when he was never a friend to me. Writing this and thinking of it makes me tense, I don't know why i don't love him and he does not bring me happiness. When i think of him i am not happy. Thus I highly doubt if we will be friends due to the fact he will never try to make me happy because hes always thinking of himself. So yeah I will just keep busy and have hope. A few days from now with no contact ect. I will feel better.
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