nella Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I am just curious about something from people who have had an affair. Was the person who you had an affair with someone who when you first met them someone you looked at and said "WOW!" or were they someone you would have never imagined having an affair with. Also how long after meeting them did you first start doing stuff. one week? one year?
Lizzie60 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Was the person who you had an affair with someone who when you first met them someone you looked at and said "WOW!" or were they someone you would have never imagined having an affair with. For some I said WOW... with others ..nah they were 'ordinary'. Also how long after meeting them did you first start doing stuff. one week? one year? One year.. are you kidding me... this is an Affair not a Date... the first time... except maybe 1 or 2 ... it happened on the 2nd meeting.
OWoman Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I am just curious about something from people who have had an affair. Was the person who you had an affair with someone who when you first met them someone you looked at and said "WOW!" or were they someone you would have never imagined having an affair with. Also how long after meeting them did you first start doing stuff. one week? one year? My MM is totally hot! But after years of abuse in his M his self-esteem had taken a knock and he couldn't see that. He thought I was way out of his league, so when I hit on him he couldn't believe I was serious. I wasn't the first woman to hit on him, but I was the first woman he said yes to. We work in the same field, so we'd met on occasion before, and had some mutual friends. I checked him out thoroughly and did my homework before making my move, so it was a while. Once I made my move, I sat him down and had The Talk so that he knew what my agenda was, that he was aware of the possible consequences and gave him time to think about whether he wanted to go there or not. And the rest, as they say, is history.
cj1988 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I cheated on my first H with my H now and we knew each other for about 4 years. We flirted (friends brother) and that was about it. Then, as my marriage fell apart I started giving him clues that I was interested. I was also out of his league, so he was confused. We talked for about 3 weeks then slept together. He said he was in love with me way before I was with him, but we are splitting up now.....so, as you see what goes around really does come around to bite you on the butt.
Mz. Pixie Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I cheated on my first H with my H now and we knew each other for about 4 years. We flirted (friends brother) and that was about it. Then, as my marriage fell apart I started giving him clues that I was interested. I was also out of his league, so he was confused. We talked for about 3 weeks then slept together. He said he was in love with me way before I was with him, but we are splitting up now.....so, as you see what goes around really does come around to bite you on the butt. So, he cheated with you, then cheated on you??? My A was with someone I would have never imagined having an A with.
cj1988 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Yes Pixie you are correct. My H knew my H at the time and had an A with me (knew I was leaving my H) and then he did it to me, or I think he did have an EA at the least. So, you see that was MY punishment for wronging my first H by having an A.......I will never cheat again!
Cobra_X30 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 My MM is totally hot! But after years of abuse in his M his self-esteem had taken a knock and he couldn't see that. He thought I was way out of his league, so when I hit on him he couldn't believe I was serious. I was also out of his league, so he was confused. What league are we talking about? NFL? NBA? I'm confused as to how you see yourself as above your partner.
OWoman Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 What league are we talking about? NFL? NBA? I'm confused as to how you see yourself as above your partner. I don't. But he did, initially, given the self-esteem issues he'd developed as a result of his wife's abuse of him. That's all worked through now, thanks to counselling and leaving his wife.
cj1988 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Cobra, I am not meaning I am better than him.....let me try and explain. I do not look nor act like anyone he had been with before. Most of them were over weight did not take care of themselves, could not hold a job etc....they were all you ng too. I was a bit older and more groomed so to speak. He had never been with a woman that was actually in control of her own finances, life etc......so, I was definitely not in the same catagory as his previous relationships. Bent, yes I have learned that VALUABLE lesson in life and I hope I never forget it. I felt bad a long time ago for how I handled my first marriage and made peace with it, but KARMA was on back the whole time. So, all that do others wrong, it WILL come back on you 10 fold and then you will change your ways for sure, I know I did !
michaelk Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 To the OP's question: My A was with someone who I fell in love with prior to our ever meeting, so there was no 'WOW' upon our initial contact. When I first saw her, later on, she was not what I had pictured in my mind, and she was definitely someone I never imagined myself being with. We started 'doing stuff' after about 2 months.
Confused9 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Michael, how did you fall in love with her prior to meeting? Did you talk on the phone or something? CJ... You say you regret how you handled your first marriage. When did that regret start? How long did it take to realize? Did you ever try to make amends? I don't mean romantically, but...just to make the peace?
cj1988 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I did not start regretting it until he came to get his belongings. It made me feel bad because NO ONE derserved to hurt that bad. He loved me and I should have waited before I moved on right away. Yes, he and I met about 5 years ago, talked over the years a little and I told him how sorry I was and he said " It is alright, do not beat yourself up...I should have been a better husband and there when you needed me the most and I was not, you were just looking for someone to love you" He forgave me on the spot, so I moved on !
Confused9 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 oh. I don't think my WF will ever regret what he has done to me, that hurts the worst. I miss him so much and am still in love with him. He on the other hand...pretty much seems to hate me. That is so hard to swallow. I am glad he forgave you. Perhaps for you, third times the charm? : )
feelingtorn Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I just finished the book called, Little Children, and learned a lot about myself. My OM was someone I would NEVER go out with if I were single. I knew it wouldn't work long-term, but went ahead anyway. I am still struggling to forgive myself over the poor decisions I made last year. I met him last Feb and felt the instant attraction. Tried to pretend that everything was cool and we were just good friends, but ended up PA last June. I broked it off last Dec, and so far so good. OM has not contacted me, and neither have I.
michaelk Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Michael, how did you fall in love with her prior to meeting? Did you talk on the phone or something? Mainly IM for the first two months.
Meaplus3 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I am just curious about something from people who have had an affair. Was the person who you had an affair with someone who when you first met them someone you looked at and said "WOW!" or were they someone you would have never imagined having an affair with. Also how long after meeting them did you first start doing stuff. one week? one year? In my case xmm has been my neighbor for over 12 year's. I remember when we first moved in I thought he was nice looking, but not much else. When H I had children, his children started playing with our's this is when I got to know him. It was many year's of knowing him sort of in a platonic sense that lead to a freidnship between us all as couples. The ea started while we were all close and hanging out. I never really would have thought I would become involved with him per say, or anyone for that matter while married. AP:)
IamASelfishSOB Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I am just curious about something from people who have had an affair. Was the person who you had an affair with someone who when you first met them someone you looked at and said "WOW!" or were they someone you would have never imagined having an affair with. Also how long after meeting them did you first start doing stuff. one week? one year? nella, I've been following your posts. I hope you are really thinking about where you are headed. I mean really thinking about it. Think about what will happen when your wife finds out about the affair that you are GOING to have if you continue down the road you are going down. You are in a very dangerous place and I can tell your thought process is the exact same as mine was. My wife hasn't even found out about my mistep and I am still miserable. It looks great, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. It affects every aspect of your life. Your work suffers, your relationship with your kids suffer. I'm still not through it. Think long and hard about it.
Confused9 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks Michael. I was just curious. I try to imagine that my WS is in this dream world that he will soon wake up from and realize it's a nightmare. I just wish I could figure out where I went wrong and how to make him come back!
White Flower Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I am just curious about something from people who have had an affair. Was the person who you had an affair with someone who when you first met them someone you looked at and said "WOW!" or were they someone you would have never imagined having an affair with. Also how long after meeting them did you first start doing stuff. one week? one year? I have never even looked at a guy with gray hair before. It was his eyes that seemed to look right into my soul. When he lead me off the dance floor, there was electricity. His eyes and electricity, not to mention his wonderful personality, is what attracted me to him. It took over a year to turn PA.
feelingtorn Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 BTW, here's the quote from the book, Little Children, that I really liked. Todd nodded. It was painful to admit it, but the main thing he felt right now was an overwhelming sense of relief to be here in the street with DeWayne, instead of in the car with Sarah, rushing down the highway into the next big mistake of his adult life. Sure, he felt guilty for disappointing her, for making her wait around for nothing, for promising something he couldn't deliver. But what he suddenly understood - it seemed so obvious now, as if the truth had been jarred loose when his body hit the pavement -- was that he'd never actually wanted to start a new life with her in the first place. What he loved most about Sarah was how beautifully she fit into his old one, distracting him from his imperfect marriage and the tedious obligations of child care, supercharging the dull summer days with a sweet illicit thrill. Outside of that context, he couldn't imagine them ever being as happy with each other as they'd been this summer.
cj1988 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I had an A a long time ago right before I met my H. It was with the BIG boss of our company. He was smart and from another country. He was not my type in looks, but had money to look and smell charming. It went on for over a year and ended in disaster. I was so glad when he moved back to Eurpope. He was someone I worked with for 2 years prior to the A. It started as an EA for about 3 months and turned in to a PA.....I never loved him, but he gave me something my H could not. Conversation, he LIKED talking to me.....we would talk for hours. He took me to expensive restuarants etc.....I never dated before or been treated like that, it was nice. The high was I was f---- the boss and he LIKED me. He never asked more of me than I was able to give, but he lied a lot and I hate a liar more than anything....mostly about other women. I did not want any STD's so the only thing I asked is that he tell me when traveled if he slept with anyone else so I could back out, he would not tell me, but one did ! That was the end of us.....he was very hurt and mad when I ended it although I was not in love with my H, I was glad it was over and I could live one life again.
GangstaGrillz Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 The first person I had an affair with actually a friend of mine from work. But never in my mind did I think that it would happen.
LadyDi Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I knew my MM several years before the A started. I wasn't attracted to him during those years either, which is strange. Then we both ended up with another company (although 2 years starting difference) He's one of my only friends here, we talked alot, he helped me adjust to the new job and it just kind of went from texting, IM's etc., to the first kiss and on. Now that his wife has discovered our texting, he's called it off. Don't know how he'll act at work when he gets back. It's a slippery slope......
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