hoc11 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 So Im currently in the midst of my very first serious relationship. It just so happens that my gf is also involved in her first relationship with me. We are both in our mid 20's and overall things have been going great. We are approaching the 1 year mark in our relationship and I know I love her and she loves me but I find myself dealing with feelings I have never dealt with before, having never been in a relationship. Both of us were very inexperienced sexually and relationship wise when we first met (she was a virgin and I had only had sex with one girl one time). When we first met we discussed our past with other people and how limited they were. Other than the one experience I had with another girl, both of us had only kissed. We both were on the same page as far as waiting to find the right person (which we both feel we have found in each other). However, as time goes on she keeps coming up with new information about various guys or experiences from her past that she never mentioned before, like having had guys spend the night (where apparently nothing happened at all), etc. It just seems that the more we go along, the more "experienced" she reveals herself to be. Now, she swears that she had never been intimate with anyone before me but I find myself finding this hard to believe in a way. I guess it just seems that some of the details of herself are wishy washy and I wonder if she's been telling me the truth all along or just what I want to hear. And the thought of her spending the night with someone else just makes me feel terrible inside. Are any of these feelings normal? Is that just what comes with the territory in a relationship?
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 You think she lied to you about being a virgin? Hey, everyone has a past... it would be unreasonable to expect that a woman in her 20's has never had a date or a sleepover. What exactly is your issue with this? And your one and only sexual experience prior to her was a one night stand.... and she seems to be okay with that, right? Why wouldn't you be okay with her having a dating history that might have included a sleepover here and there?
Author hoc11 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 You think she lied to you about being a virgin? Hey, everyone has a past... it would be unreasonable to expect that a woman in her 20's has never had a date or a sleepover. What exactly is your issue with this? And your one and only sexual experience prior to her was a one night stand.... and she seems to be okay with that, right? Why wouldn't you be okay with her having a dating history that might have included a sleepover here and there? No, I did not have a one night stand. It was with a girl I was seeing but we only had sex once, which was unsuccessful and awkward at that. I guess the main issue is that I fear she may be telling me things because she thinks that is what I want to hear. One example that has been bothering me for a long time: she says that she has been fingered before. One night she told me that she had an orgasm from being fingered and then a little while later she tells me that she has been fingered "once or twice" but never had an orgasm. It's just things like this seem wishy washy to me. And she claims that every guy in her past that she has kissed it was only a one time thing and that it was always awkward and she couldn't wait for it to be over, but then I wonder, how did it ever get as far as fingering even? Some things just don't add up and Im worried that she is inventing things based on what she thinks I want to hear.
purplebubbles Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I think that the lesson from this thread is not to ask a new partner about detailed past sexual experiences. Asking how many people that she'd been sexual with, is a good idea, for your own protection and knowledge - but chances are that she's just uncomfortable talking with someone she loves about her past sexual experiences in great detail. The past is the past and sometimes that's where it's best left. Both to save your feelings and why should someone be judged on previous experiences, within reason?
Green Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 alot of girls lie about how many guys they've been with or if their a virgin. Some girls have anal sex and then say they are a virgin like theres nothing technical about it. As for my advice to you... might want to let it go if you like this girl... or let her go... one problem of having ur first relationship is not knowing how to end it
Author hoc11 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Thanks for the responses. The only problem is that she is the one who volunteers the info. She asks me about my past a lot but I have never once asked about hers. Its not that I dont believe she was a virgin, I do. She even swore on her life that she was. Its just that when we first met she said she had only gone as far as kissing before. Then when we first hooked up I sort of asked her if it was alright to be touching her and she said that she had been fingered before like it was no big deal. It just surprises me that she would have done this because like i said, she acts like all of the guys she's kissed it was only a one time thing that was awkward and never meant anything. She was so shy about being naked around me for months when we first started dating that it's just surprising that she went even that far with someone before. I even thought that maybe she lied about that to make me think she wasn't prude or something. I dont know, it just worries me.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 So Im currently in the midst of my very first serious relationship. It just so happens that my gf is also involved in her first relationship with me. We are both in our mid 20's and overall things have been going great. We are approaching the 1 year mark in our relationship and I know I love her and she loves me but I find myself dealing with feelings I have never dealt with before, having never been in a relationship. Both of us were very inexperienced sexually and relationship wise when we first met (she was a virgin and I had only had sex with one girl one time). When we first met we discussed our past with other people and how limited they were. Other than the one experience I had with another girl, both of us had only kissed. We both were on the same page as far as waiting to find the right person (which we both feel we have found in each other). However, as time goes on she keeps coming up with new information about various guys or experiences from her past that she never mentioned before, like having had guys spend the night (where apparently nothing happened at all), etc. It just seems that the more we go along, the more "experienced" she reveals herself to be. Now, she swears that she had never been intimate with anyone before me but I find myself finding this hard to believe in a way. I guess it just seems that some of the details of herself are wishy washy and I wonder if she's been telling me the truth all along or just what I want to hear. And the thought of her spending the night with someone else just makes me feel terrible inside. Are any of these feelings normal? Is that just what comes with the territory in a relationship? have you questioned her everytime she has started to reveil these moments or just simply sat back and listened to see how much infomation she is going to spill. If she states that all that happen was she spent the night with these guys then its possible thats all that happened. You shouldnt be upset with her because these are actions that happened before you. I would just ask her!
Author hoc11 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 have you questioned her everytime she has started to reveil these moments or just simply sat back and listened to see how much infomation she is going to spill. If she states that all that happen was she spent the night with these guys then its possible thats all that happened. You shouldnt be upset with her because these are actions that happened before you. I would just ask her! I just sat back and listened. Im kicking myself because I should have used that as a chance to find out more, now I find myself wondering. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that she says how nice it is to be with someone who has never had a deep intimacy with anyone else before, that we're each others first. I just think about the whole fingering issue and how that is really intimate when we do it, I just wonder if she's had that with someone else and is leading me to believe that she hasn't. She is a really shy girl, like I said apparently has done nothing sexually with anyone else, it's just hard to see her opening up with someone else like that. Since she has asked so much about my past and I have asked nothing about hers, do you think I have the right to ask? Im a little worried about what I'll find out.
Jilly Bean Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Hoc - all I can tell you is that this issue gets posted on the boards about once a week. Young men with limited sexual experience and gf's who say the same, and then suddenly there is a slow reveal that this may not be the truth. I suggest for additional insight, you do a search for some of these threads - the advice given there would be the same as to you. Take care.
Author hoc11 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Thanks for all the help. I actually just saw my gf and we had a long talk about all of this. I had mentioned to her a few days ago that I have been having some strange feelings lately, that I feel like she knows all about my past but I dont know as much about hers. She asked me today if I was feeling any better about things and I just came out and asked. So apparently she has only kissed a few guys in her life, usually only one time. She says she was fingered by one guy because she was 21 and had never even pleasured herself because she had no idea how. One of her friends told her that she should get to know her body better so when she meets someone she loves she will know what will pleasure her. Long story short, she had a crush on this guy, they kissed, he wanted to have oral sex, she said no, then he asked what he could do to pleasure her, she didnt know so he taught her how to pleasure herself by fingering her. In some way it really bothers me to think about her doing this with someone else, but on the other hand that's almost the exact reason why I had sex with the one girl in my past. I had never had any experience with that so I kinda just went with it. Anyway, talking about it with her really helped a lot and I understand the situation more now. I realize it's not right to feel like this about something that happened before she even knew I existed but these feelings are just all really new to me.
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I think you're are completely over reacting and making a huge deal out of nothing, therefore upsetting yourself needlessly. You're actually obsessing over the fact she was fingered before you came along? Come on, get over it. The fact that she revealed that is giving you a trust issue?? Does she treat you well? Is she kind and loving with you? Does she be-grudge you for having a sexual experience prior to her? If she is a good woman who is fun and cool to be around, she's faithful to you, and she enjoys making you happy.... I don't understand the problem. Let it go. Base your judgement on her treatment of you and how you feel about one another.
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