FooledOnce Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Isn't life great? NYE sucked cuz i couldn't be with her for the first time since 2001. I really did not enjoy midnight because i knew that somewhere she was kissing her new bf and I was having a conversation with my beer feeling sorry for myself. Well today I logged onto facebook and noticed that she was online which always stops me in my tracks. She had just posted 60 pics from a wedding of a friend of ours last week that we were once supposed to attend together (she was a bridesmaid and I didn't go for obvious reasons). A little voice in my head said "don't look" but I couldn't stop myself. And there they were. Pics of her and him. Them smiling, them kissing, her wearing his tie, her kissing his cheek, etc. Seeing that just made everything so, real. So permanent. I just sat there with my heart racing. Maybe this was something I needed to see. But my day is ruined. I'm really hoping that 2008 is better than the craptastic 2007 experience.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Isn't life great? NYE sucked cuz i couldn't be with her for the first time since 2001. I really did not enjoy midnight because i knew that somewhere she was kissing her new bf and I was having a conversation with my beer feeling sorry for myself. Well today I logged onto facebook and noticed that she was online which always stops me in my tracks. She had just posted 60 pics from a wedding of a friend of ours last week that we were once supposed to attend together (she was a bridesmaid and I didn't go for obvious reasons). A little voice in my head said "don't look" but I couldn't stop myself. And there they were. Pics of her and him. Them smiling, them kissing, her wearing his tie, her kissing his cheek, etc. Seeing that just made everything so, real. So permanent. I just sat there with my heart racing. Maybe this was something I needed to see. But my day is ruined. I'm really hoping that 2008 is better than the craptastic 2007 experience. And what's stopping you from deleting facebook, moving on with your life. Why are you holding back your growth from the memories you still mull over. Go get on myspace, forget facebook, start over by yourself.
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Im not looking forward for the day when my ex finds someone else. Because of the same reasons as you. Itll only become REAL to me then.
Ronni_W Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 A little voice in my head said "don't look" but I couldn't stop myself. ... Maybe this was something I needed to see. I'm really hoping that 2008 is better Yep...sometimes we just gotta take two steps back to eventually be able to take one, forward. My guess is that when you've filled your head with all the gory pics it can stand , you'll not go back to her pages. And I'm betting that you WILL create a much better 2008 for yourself...Wishing you a brighter and happier New Year!
Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 FooledOnce, Who knows what you might be missing if you don't get out there and see? I know I keep holding on to the fact that he found someone else and is happy but I can find someone too and so can you! I know it hurts to see them, TRUST ME, but...one day you will be happy too. This is a new year, for new beginnings and new love. Walk in to 2008 with a smile and begin living! We all need to do this to move on!
Author FooledOnce Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Well, I'm on myspace too. I don't want to delete her from my friend's list because that would look like I miss her so much that I can't even stand to look at her (which is sort of true). I don't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing that I'm so bothered. I'm doing the NC thing, losing weight, and acting like i'm getting on with my life. Plus, we've been on a break since friggin September and broken up for good since Halloween. I can't suddenly delete her now or she'll know I suck and can't move on.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Well, I'm on myspace too. I don't want to delete her from my friend's list because that would look like I miss her so much that I can't even stand to look at her (which is sort of true). I don't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing that I'm so bothered. I'm doing the NC thing, losing weight, and acting like i'm getting on with my life. Plus, we've been on a break since friggin September and broken up for good since Halloween. I can't suddenly delete her now or she'll know I suck and can't move on. Um Mcfly!?!?!?!? Hello!!!! She doesnt care about you now!!!!!! Doing a 180 isnt about her it's all about you!!! You need to get yourself mentally prepared for the future without her in it!!! If you delete her, she wont care!!!! If you move on with your life she wont care!!! Get it through your damn hard head!!!! SHE DOES NOT CARE!!!!! She went to a wedding with the man she cheated and left you with correct? Se had new pictures of them together correct! She erased you from her life. You need to do the same. The more you pine after a ghost the more you will not move on!!! I'm sorry but you need to move on if only for your life. You are the master of your own destiny! Why pine after someone who treated you like crap!?!? and left you to rot!
Ronni_W Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I can't suddenly delete her now or she'll know I suck and can't move on. (((HUGS))) If you delete her now (or whenever), that is no indication that you "suck" or aren't moving on. To me, it would most likely reflect that your feelings have changed, you've stopped caring, and no longer consider her a 'friend' -- all of which is your right and privilege, btw. I'm also wondering if you really care about what she thinks of you? -- Whether it's that you "suck" or that you're great, is her opinion of you more important than what you need to be doing for yourself to be able to move on? For the immediate future, wishing you the strength and Guidance you need take one small, brave step forward...what might that look like IF/when you get there?
Author FooledOnce Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Update: She changed her status to 'in a relationship'. And she changed her profile pic to a picture of the two of them together. I'm going to write her a little note explaining why i'm deleting her and then I'll delete her. "T*^*%, I see that you have changed your profile picture to one of you and A*#*$. As you can imagine, seeing that pop-up on my screen when I logged on felt kind of like getting kicked in the nuts. It was unexpected. I've since realized that everytime you do or change anything on facebook I'll get a little pop-up with that picture on my homepage. That would be many nut-kicks. That's not something I want to experience. So I have decided to delete you as a facebook friend. You haven't done anything wrong; I'm not mad at you. But, this is something that needed to be done. I hope you find happiness in 2008 and beyond" Painful.
Author FooledOnce Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 She went to a wedding with the man she cheated and left you with correct? Se had new pictures of them together correct! No, that's not correct. This is a guy she met after we were broken up. It's not so much just her opinion that matters. We had 41 mutual friends on facebook. This whole thing is a 'knew it was coming but can't believe it's happened' experience today. Oh well, out with the old, i suppose.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Well whatever. Just do things for you, mutual friends or not. If facebook is like myspace they should have their own pages and you should still be on their friends list. If they want to contact you they will. It's time to move on without her. Erasing her will cleanse you of her image, and her ghost. She left , now you need to move on and be with someone else.
Lizzie60 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Update: She changed her status to 'in a relationship'. And she changed her profile pic to a picture of the two of them together. I'm going to write her a little note explaining why i'm deleting her and then I'll delete her. "T*^*%, I see that you have changed your profile picture to one of you and A*#*$. As you can imagine, seeing that pop-up on my screen when I logged on felt kind of like getting kicked in the nuts. It was unexpected. I've since realized that everytime you do or change anything on facebook I'll get a little pop-up with that picture on my homepage. That would be many nut-kicks. That's not something I want to experience. So I have decided to delete you as a facebook friend. You haven't done anything wrong; I'm not mad at you. But, this is something that needed to be done. I hope you find happiness in 2008 and beyond" Painful. WOW... If I were you, I would delete her.. simply.. not messaging her to tell her... what's the point... If a guy would do that to me.. (send me a message to tell me he is deleting my face from his face) I would think he's a loser.. and I would even lose more respect for him... I don't like weak people... Sorry for your pain.. but you need to get yourself all back together again and move on... DON'T send her any message.. just move on... period.
CalamitousJane Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Hey, fooled - I guarantee if you send her that message you'll eventually regret it. It's much, much classier to turn your back and move away in a calm and manly way without looking over your shoulder. That way you get to be the brave hero in the movie of your life, not the nutty ex. Just an idea.
Author FooledOnce Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 What's there to regret about the message?? It simply explains why i removed her and says goodbye and farewell. I'm certain she'll understand and it provides closure. Anyways, it's been sent. It's over. On to the next chapter.
so_sad Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Congratulations on deleting her. It was a very smart move. (Now just make sure you don't make the mistake I made in a moment of weakness and look at her profile via a mutual friend's account.) .
PinkRibbon Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Sorry you had to see all those pictures. I know it really must hurt. I never go to my husbands MySpace page. I went one time since he left me and saw all I needed to see. Never again and that would be my suggestion to you. She has obviously moved on so delete her from your friend list and don't email her explaining why. No explanation is needed. Hope you feel better soon.
Green Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 in the future just delete people from facebook u dont care for and dont send them a message. MOVE ON.... MOVE ON... dont you remember who you used to be. Just a guy looking to get laid and have fun. Be that guy again, and dont become a wuss when ur dating the next girl
Ronni_W Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I'm going to write her a little note explaining why i'm deleting her and then I'll delete her. Nah...screwwitt! Plus, that'll be the indicator (sign) that you're not past her...that you DIDN'T want to send, by deleting her in the first place. Just delete her without any drama or explanation. I do know that it is painful, but you don't have to take out a big neon billboard for her to know that she still has this kind of hold on you...do you? Do you want to do that??? You CAN do this...without losing your dignity and self-respect!
Ronni_W Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 What's there to regret about the message?? ... Anyways, it's been sent. OOPS! Missed this post...sorry! If it did provide closure for you, then that is great and, in that case, you were right to do it. NOW hopefully you have what you need to move forward
Author FooledOnce Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I'm still not over her. So what? Why is that so shameful to admit? My heart is broken. We were together for 6 years. I'm glad i sent her the message. I wasn't deleting her to upset her, I was deleting her because i had to to move on. Perhaps today will be the day I finally realize it's okay to have a broken heart. I've been wondering why I have no interest in other girls (i mean, i HAD interest in other girls when we were dating) and I think it might be because I never properly grieved. I think i secretly thought that we'd be back together when I absolutely knew we wouldn't. Today was a good day in that it was an awful day.
sumdude Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I'm still not over her. So what? Why is that so shameful to admit? My heart is broken. We were together for 6 years. I'm glad i sent her the message. I wasn't deleting her to upset her, I was deleting her because i had to to move on. Perhaps today will be the day I finally realize it's okay to have a broken heart. I've been wondering why I have no interest in other girls (i mean, i HAD interest in other girls when we were dating) and I think it might be because I never properly grieved. I think i secretly thought that we'd be back together when I absolutely knew we wouldn't. Today was a good day in that it was an awful day. It's OK if you feel it's was the right thing for you to do. Hope dies hard... and the death throes of love thrash incredibly.
Green Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 there was no point in sending the msg, your just secretly hoping for some kind of response. It was good that you deleted her from your facebook since you claim it was like a kick in your nuts every day. Grieving is good, just dont make a habit out it. Some people get addicted to a negative emotions, like feeling sorry. Your brains like a computer but way better so try to think those happy thoughts and remember what its like to find other women attractive again, go on the hunt its fun, play video games, watch a good movie,
Author FooledOnce Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 SumDude, you are some wise dude indeed. You speak the truth. Whether i sent the message or not, she would contact me. I'm sure she wouldn't think it was a coincidence that i happened to delete her on the day she posted pics of her and her new bf, so it's not like i could have pretended not to be bothered by it.
Green Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 why do u even care if she thinks its a coincidence or what ever. Your thinking needs to be im going to delete her because I felt like it and I dont care what she thinks. Your all like Id better send her a msg to let her know why im deleting her and that starts you No Contact clock back to zero. and the less contact and thinking about her the quicker u can get back to normal.
sumdude Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 why do u even care if she thinks its a coincidence or what ever. Your thinking needs to be im going to delete her because I felt like it and I dont care what she thinks. Your all like Id better send her a msg to let her know why im deleting her and that starts you No Contact clock back to zero. and the less contact and thinking about her the quicker u can get back to normal. Everyone is a little different, every relationship different. He did it his way... his way of finally cutting it all off. If he felt the need to get closure that way it worked for him. It was a long relationship... six years is nothing to sneeze at.
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