Author Confused9 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Seriously WWIU explain to me why he wants to hurt me still. THis is killing me. I love this man or the idea of who he was or whatever it is ppl tell me that I love, but where did his love go for me? What happened to that love he had or pretended to have for me? How did I not notice it wasn't real? He promised me forever. I was ready to give him my forever. If it really was that bad then he should have left me sooner. I can't get over the fact that he walked away so easily and continues to twist the knife. IT hurts so bad. He meant everything to me. I don't know where I lost that for him. How is he in love with her now? So soon? How did he leave me like this? How can he hurt me still? It makes me so sad. I know you arne't an expert...but why hurt me? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????
Mr. Lucky Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 but why hurt me? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????? Because he can? You continue to give him power over you by buying into his BS. Unless you take that away from him by moving on with your life, he wins on several different levels. He gets to dump you but still have you attached. He gets to ignore you but have you pay attention to him. And he gets to hook-up with someone else and still have you as a potential fall-back position. Pretty good deal for him... Mr. Lucky
TotalChaos Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Hi Tomcat!!! Happy New Year Question: if you are broken up why are you still part of his contact network on myspace and can see his profile? I haven't been on there in years and can't remember, is it that if you are no longer in contact you can still see a person's limited profile? I am not his friend on myspace. I can't see his profile and he can't see mine as we are both private. But we share some friends so I can still click on his page and see his picture and his quote. That's all either of us can see. I am trying to stay strong and not post anything in retaliation but it's SO hard. He is such an effing jerk. Of course I am still sitting here pinning for him. It's been only 3 months since we broke up, but, I am not going to let him walk all over me which he is trying to do. I think he does it to get a rise out of me to the question is...why? Why do that to someone you once loved? He is insane!!! I am going to try and stop looking at it. MAybe I will do like a 12 step thing or something. Look at it 5 times 1 week, then 4, then 3, then 2, then 1, then 0. I don't think I could quit cold turkey! I am such a loser!!! Hello...Happy New Year! Sorry to hear about about your problem. I think it's something we all go through at some point. As I was reading through what everyone wrote, something you said really struck me hard. You said, "It's been only 3 months since we broke, up but, I am not going to let him walk all over me wich he is trying to do." With all do respect, it sounds to me like he is doing more than walking all over you. He's controling your thoughts, emotions and your heart. He knows he's doing this! I understand that you love him and you just want to understand why, but take it from someone that has been there and you may never know why. You are going to make youself sick and totally stressed out with this question of "why?". It's just not worth it. As long as you are chasing him and he knows it, you will never get things figured out. The best thing you can do right now is take a step back and worry about taking care of youself. Stay busy doing stuff you enjoy. Do not make yourself accessible to him in any way. Make him wonder what YOU are doing and show him that he missed out by not working things out with you. He will become very curious and realize what a jerk he has been. This may take some time, because he seems pretty immature at this point. If you can do this, I think within time you will come to realize that you are better off with out him and that there are men that will treat you with alot more respect. You deserve better!!!
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Yep- you hit the nail on the head when you said you know you need to stop looking. You also know he posts those things because he knows you look. There is only one way to put an end to your misery- and yes, it means you have to stop looking at his profile. Delete him, block him, take your profile off myspace and defect to facebook. The looking is the primary source of your grief and anger right now.... and you just need to keep in mind that you have complete control over clicking that button or not. I am the opposite of you- I can't bring myself to look. I remove pictures, I block and delete from msn, I remove all possible memories of him from my place, number comes out of my phone so I can't drunk text, and I delete them as a friend on my facebook. The last thing I need to see is my ex adding new women as friends to his profile.... I also know I am prone to drunk texting- which is why I remove the number and save myself the morning after grief. You have it in you to stop looking.
Author Confused9 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Because he can? You continue to give him power over you by buying into his BS. Unless you take that away from him by moving on with your life, he wins on several different levels. He gets to dump you but still have you attached. He gets to ignore you but have you pay attention to him. And he gets to hook-up with someone else and still have you as a potential fall-back position. Pretty good deal for him... Mr. Lucky I know Mr. Lucky...I am going to try and work harder to step away from the situation. I dont want him to have that much power. I really need to stop looking!!!
Author Confused9 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 DLish, I know I NEED to stop looking I just can't. As far as any other communication...I don't have his number - I deleted it and lucky for me it was a new one so I don't even have the number memorized. I don't email him, call him, nothing. I don't even respond back to his myspace quotes and he text messaged me a couple of weeks ago and I didn't respond to that either. So I am trying not to communicate my sadness or missing him, but I still look at his myspace. I am going to try and lessen the amount of times I look then quit. It's like an addiction. I just don't understand why he does it. It's almost like I feel like it's his way of holding on or something? I don't know? Totalchaos, I have not been contacting him or chasing him. I have remained in NC so he doesn't even know I am looking. I ahven't responded to waht he's put...I've just tried to look happy. He is in another state working so he has no idea what is going on here. I moved in to an apartment and have tried to move on with my life. I didn't contact him on his birthday, Christmas, New Years even when he texted me...I didn't respond. I miss him so much but I know that I can't speak to him. Last night I wrtoe a letter to myself from him. I am going to read it every night before I go to bed. Hopefully that will help me let him go. My therapist suggested it and although it sounds weird...I'll do whatever it takes.
PinkRibbon Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 So how are you doing today? And how long have been in NC?
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Writing him letters and not sending them helps you get this stuff out of your head and will relieve some of what you're feeling inside. Maybe do a whole bunch of letters, then once a week, burn them all, kind of theraputic it'll be for you.
Author Confused9 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Hi PR, today was okay. I had an okay day but still continue trying to analyze why he did what he did and says what he says. I feel like he is trying to communicate to me through his messages on myspace. Others on here disagree or say he's doing it because he doens't care...I think it's because he does. I guess that's neither here nor there. I wrote a letter to myself from him saying all the things I wish he would say. I will read it again before I go to sleep tonight. I had a BIG cry fest earlier then went out wiht my girlfriends for dinner. Of course, during dinner when I had forgotten for a moment how sad I was and was laughing our song came on so I burst in to tears. Then, I got a hold of myself and tried to remain positive. I can't shake this feeling of worhtlessness. I can't stop blaming myself and feeling that I am repsonsible. I am trying to talk myself in to realizing it isn't my fault. Maybe the realization will come in due time? Who knows? I guess the sadness is changing. The end of the relationship and the finality of it all is really hitting me. I was confused, alone and sad, then hurt, alone and sad, then confused, alone, hurt and sad, then came the worthless, confused, hurt, alone, and sad phase Now it's more worthless, confused, sad, hurt, alone, and mourning my old life and my relationship with him. It's amazing this breakup world. I hope to never come back to this state. WWIU, Writing the letter felt good. I have actually been keeping a notebook throughout this whole thing and it has helped but it doesn't answer me back and that is hard. Writing the words I wanted him to say helped too. But, I am still not sleeping and still feel as if I am worthy of no love, but in some aspect I am MUCH stronger than I ever have been so it's weird. I am sticking up for myself more with people in my life. I can't explain this change...perhaps I wish I stuck up for myself during the dimise of our relationship so I am doing so now with others? Who knows. I can say I am working on me in some ways. I miss my X I really do, but, I also am OK without him in my life. I don't feel this way...but he hasn't been in my life in the capacity he was for our 7 years together for 3 months now and I am still alive. That's a good thing I guess? NOTE*** I am NOT sleeping and this may be a rambling post with many spelling errors. In fact, all my posts probably are...so for all you grammar lovers out there...SORRY!
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I can say I am working on me in some ways. I miss my X I really do, but, I also am OK without him in my life. I don't feel this way...but he hasn't been in my life in the capacity he was for our 7 years together for 3 months now and I am still alive. That's a good thing I guess? This is a good thing. You are surviving. Yes, you're lonely, you miss him, miss what you two shared, but you are okay!! And you'll continue to be okay, and heal. You have time on your side..
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Finding yourself alone after 7 years of being with someone is very difficult! It's a time of healing and transition and reconciling with the pain. I don't know if this helps at all... But I was in an 8 year relationship that ended in divorce about 4 years ago. I felt just like you did for a time- but it does gradually get better. My ex and I still spoke often after the break up- which really did stagnate my ability to move on. That is why it's very important for you to remain in NC and stop looking at his myspace. All you are doing by checking his account is keeping yourself stuck. True healing doesn't begin until you make the choice to stop checking in on him. You can't move forward if you don't stop. I did stop taking phone calls from my ex.... and that is when I started to feel better and move on. It will be hard at first, but it does get better, and you will start to feel better about yourself once you begin to work on it. Throw yourself into an activity or a project that keeps you occupied, start to set some goals for yourself and stick them them. Your first goal should be to get away from the myspace thing. It does get better. Looking back now, I am so happy I am not with him anymore.... I realize how wrong we were for one another. If you are not sleeping- you can talk to your doc about getting some help for that. Again, I had problems eating and sleeping- I lost 40 pounds and couldn't sleep for the life of me because my brain was racing. I got some non addictive sleeping pills to help me through the rough patch. They worked wonders! Sleep is important. Keep posting. ;-)
Author Confused9 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Thanks WWIU... you have been wonderful. DLISH, I am trying to stay busy and trying harder not to look or care about what hsi myspace says. I am trying not to look and will try not to this weekend. I guess I will take it like an addict and do one day at a time. If I relapse...I will just start from day one again. I am glad to see that you got through. Gives me hope that there's a light at the end of the tunnell. Sometimes I feel like my story is so different and I am the only one that has been this heartbroken...then I come on here and realize some people have it much worse than me or just as bad. It puts things in prespective. I don't wish this pain and agony on anyone!!!
NoIdeaAtAll Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 "I have remained in NC so he doesn't even know I am looking". Hunni, I think, and someone correct me if I'm wrong, but if you check his myspace, he can see in the "stats" who has looked at his account. I'm pretty sure that's right - in which case, he does know you are looking. He's messing with you - try not give him the power to do that - I know how hard it is to "let go" - I have different circumstances to you - and I have No Idea At All how to let go. Good luck to you little one. I wish you the best.
Author Confused9 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 "I have remained in NC so he doesn't even know I am looking". Hunni, I think, and someone correct me if I'm wrong, but if you check his myspace, he can see in the "stats" who has looked at his account. I'm pretty sure that's right - in which case, he does know you are looking. He's messing with you - try not give him the power to do that - I know how hard it is to "let go" - I have different circumstances to you - and I have No Idea At All how to let go. Good luck to you little one. I wish you the best. Hi...I am on myspace as well and have a page and you CAN'T see who looks but it does tell you how many 'looks' you've had. So, I know he doesn't know I am looking but I'm sure he thinks I am. Oh well, let him ponder whether I am or not. I am not responding to his quotes so he has really no idea. I mean I assume he thinks I am in fact looking, but who knows, really. The whole thing is heartless regardless of wether or not he knows I am looking. Good luck to you too : )
NoIdeaAtAll Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Hi...I am on myspace as well and have a page and you CAN'T see who looks but it does tell you how many 'looks' you've had. So, I know he doesn't know I am looking but I'm sure he thinks I am. Oh well, let him ponder whether I am or not. I am not responding to his quotes so he has really no idea. I mean I assume he thinks I am in fact looking, but who knows, really. The whole thing is heartless regardless of wether or not he knows I am looking. Good luck to you too : ) You stay strong for you. I know how hard it is to put on the "social smile" for the rest of the world, especially when everyone is telling you to move on, let go, etc. It really is a case of one day at a time and you are absolutely surviving, one day at a time. I'm glad you have friends to go out with - keep them close. Writing is very therapeutic - get the thoughts outta your head and onto paper. Believe in yourself.
Author Confused9 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Thanks noidea...I am trying hard. Just looked at his page though, d'oh. Luckily it's private so I can't see anything but his picture and comment. Today it doesn't seem to be addressed to me...so that's good. I will make it through. The best revenge is a good, happy life, right?
NoIdeaAtAll Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Oh yes - it definitely is. You can do it. Don't be too tough on yourself if you sneak a peek girlie - but just really try and focus on you and stick with your mates and have some fun. You will get through it hunni.
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