Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Hello everyone! Happy New Year! Let's hope this year brings us strength and happiness. I have a questions regarding my xfiances actions... He has a myspace page, which is private, but he contiuously changes his quote. When we were breaking up he would put all this nasty stuff up there. The past two days he put...I hate my past but continue toward the future and now it says 'thank you for ending 07'. Now this kid cheated on me, got a girl pregnant, moved to another state, treated me like effing **** throughout the breakup and he's trying to act like he's the victim and I was the bad person?!?! Does he seriously believe this ****? I mean...come on!!! I know I should stop looking at it, but I just don't understand how he can be so cruel.I mean...he doesn't even have a ton of myspace friends so why does he continue to change his quotes? It's almost like he wants to torture me still. I know you are all going to say...stop looking...but if anyone wants to just help me understand his actions...I would appreaciate it. Some other quotes he's put: I have been dead inside for so long...now I can finally open my heart. I was living a nightmare...now I can finally live. HE told me in the beginning he put them up there for me to see to get me mad...now we haven't spoken in a month and I am confused as to why he still does it. my quotes have nothing to do wiht him by the way. This is so childish. I just don't understand why he won't leave me alone.
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Aww confused...First off, happy new year and I hope 2008 brings you peace inside your heart..As well as good health! Look, the guy is an a-hole. He knows you are looking at his myspace page, he is messing with you in every possible way. You gotta stop looking! Remember, no new contact = no new hurts, and that means even checking up on him, online. I don't believe you'll ever get the answers you are looking for from him. He is depressed, an alcoholic, and his coping skills are very messed up. He isn't the man you thought he was, or he changed quietly under your nose, turned into someone not worth knowing, let alone loving. HE is unworthy of your love!
norajane Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 He's acting like a victim because that's all he's ever done, all he's ever known. He's an alcoholic, drug addicted, emotionally unstable, possibly bi-polar guy who feels sorry for himself and does not seek help to take control over his life, nor to take responsibility for his actions, but would rather shift the blame on everyone around him as though he had nothing to do with it. Yes, do stop looking at his myspace page. What's the point? What are you hoping to find there?
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 I guess it's my only real contact with him and when I miss him I look at it. To see if there is any sign of regret or sadness from him. I don't know NoraJane...I just can't stomach all of this. He has been so cruel and he continues to twist the knife. I mean...if you were happy with your new life and new girl would you really be changing your myspace quote every day? What is wrong with him? I gave him everything I could for 7 years...he can't just leave me alone? It bothers me that other people see it and know what he's referring too. He's makeing me look like I did something wrong. What happened to my fiance? Why does he resent me and have so much anger towards me? Our relationship ended so abruptly and he said he didn't care...so if you don't care...let it GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Hi WWIU, happy new year to you too. I know I should stop looking. Why do I torture myself?!?! AHHH! He is an Ahole but I still love him and part of me wants to make sure he is okay, you know? I just don't understand his need ot hurt me still. LIke, is he getting pleasure out of this? 3 days ago he had 'best year ever' as his quote. Now it says, 'thank you for ending 08' like...that doesn't even make sense. Plus, if he does have a baby on the way...shouldn't he be out preparing for that and not spending his time on freaking myspace?
Tomcat33 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Hello everyone! Happy New Year! Let's hope this year brings us strength and happiness. I have a questions regarding my xfiances actions... He has a myspace page, which is private, but he contiuously changes his quote. When we were breaking up he would put all this nasty stuff up there. The past two days he put...I hate my past but continue toward the future and now it says 'thank you for ending 07'. Now this kid cheated on me, got a girl pregnant, moved to another state, treated me like effing **** throughout the breakup and he's trying to act like he's the victim and I was the bad person?!?! Does he seriously believe this ****? I mean...come on!!! I know I should stop looking at it, but I just don't understand how he can be so cruel.I mean...he doesn't even have a ton of myspace friends so why does he continue to change his quotes? It's almost like he wants to torture me still. I know you are all going to say...stop looking...but if anyone wants to just help me understand his actions...I would appreaciate it. Some other quotes he's put: I have been dead inside for so long...now I can finally open my heart. I was living a nightmare...now I can finally live. HE told me in the beginning he put them up there for me to see to get me mad...now we haven't spoken in a month and I am confused as to why he still does it. my quotes have nothing to do wiht him by the way. This is so childish. I just don't understand why he won't leave me alone. Happy New Year Confused9! Sorry to see you are still suffering over this jerk. He is doing exactly what he told you he is doing he is trying to get a rise out of you. Especially now that you have not contacted him in a month his ego isn't being stroked and he is not so sure you are still there pining away for him so he knows that if he posts something mean he will get a reaction out of you. Whatever you do DO NOT react, that is exactly what he wants. Did you ever consider that he gets a rise out hurting you? Out of arguing with you and putting you down? He sounds like a real poor excuse for a human being. I would stay as away from him as possible. Don't let on that you are reading his comments or checking his profile at all. Question: if you are broken up why are you still part of his contact network on myspace and can see his profile? I haven't been on there in years and can't remember, is it that if you are no longer in contact you can still see a person's limited profile?
norajane Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I guess it's my only real contact with him and when I miss him I look at it. To see if there is any sign of regret or sadness from him. I don't know NoraJane...I just can't stomach all of this. He has been so cruel and he continues to twist the knife. I mean...if you were happy with your new life and new girl would you really be changing your myspace quote every day? What is wrong with him? I gave him everything I could for 7 years...he can't just leave me alone? It bothers me that other people see it and know what he's referring too. He's makeing me look like I did something wrong. What happened to my fiance? Why does he resent me and have so much anger towards me? Our relationship ended so abruptly and he said he didn't care...so if you don't care...let it GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As I said in your other thread, he is NOT a happy man, and he can't be until he gets some control over his problems, which he is not doing. And, as I said in your other thread, what is wrong with him is that he is MESSED UP. You are expecting rational behavior from someone who is that messed up? Not gonna happen.
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Hi WWIU, happy new year to you too. I know I should stop looking. Why do I torture myself?!?! AHHH! When the pain gets too much and you realize what you are doing isn't self serving, or helping you get past this, you'll stop. You just haven't hit your ENOUGH IS ENOUGH boiling point yet. It'll come... He is an Ahole but I still love him and part of me wants to make sure he is okay, you know? I just don't understand his need ot hurt me still. LIke, is he getting pleasure out of this? Because he knows that you look at his myspace page and he feels very powerful and good about hurting you, making sure YOU know that he has moved on, found someone else and is about to be a father. All that you wanted from him is gone...HE IS AN A-HOLE and that is the only explanation. An A-hole who just doesn't care. 3 days ago he had 'best year ever' as his quote. Now it says, 'thank you for ending 08' like...that doesn't even make sense. A-hole! Manipulation and ego feed. He doesn't care.. Plus, if he does have a baby on the way...shouldn't he be out preparing for that and not spending his time on freaking myspace? A-hole. Only thinks of himself. I feel for that little unborn baby...He/she has NO clue that their daddy is an A-hole.
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Hi Tomcat!!! Happy New Year Question: if you are broken up why are you still part of his contact network on myspace and can see his profile? I haven't been on there in years and can't remember, is it that if you are no longer in contact you can still see a person's limited profile? I am not his friend on myspace. I can't see his profile and he can't see mine as we are both private. But we share some friends so I can still click on his page and see his picture and his quote. That's all either of us can see. I am trying to stay strong and not post anything in retaliation but it's SO hard. He is such an effing jerk. Of course I am still sitting here pinning for him. It's been only 3 months since we broke up, but, I am not going to let him walk all over me which he is trying to do. I think he does it to get a rise out of me to the question is...why? Why do that to someone you once loved? He is insane!!! I am going to try and stop looking at it. MAybe I will do like a 12 step thing or something. Look at it 5 times 1 week, then 4, then 3, then 2, then 1, then 0. I don't think I could quit cold turkey! I am such a loser!!!
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 What is wrong with him? I gave him everything I could for 7 years...he can't just leave me alone? It bothers me that other people see it and know what he's referring too. He's makeing me look like I did something wrong. What happened to my fiance? Why does he resent me and have so much anger towards me? Our relationship ended so abruptly and he said he didn't care...so if you don't care...let it GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But confused, he has let it go...He is just enjoying hurting you. Knowing full well that you see his profile and all the comments, he gets off on the fact that you are upset over it. Another thing is, those who know him well and know you, WILL know that he is f*cked in the head, depressed and an alcoholic. Those who count in your life will see that this guy is an a-hole and you are better off in the long run. Those who are listening to him are not your friends.. Bottomline too, you can't control what others think, and if he wants to make you look like the bad guy, well, his actions SHOW that HE is the bad guy by knocking up someone else while engaged to you. NOTHING can prove otherwise..Am I right or am I right?
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I am not his friend on myspace. I can't see his profile and he can't see mine as we are both private. But we share some friends so I can still click on his page and see his picture and his quote. That's all either of us can see. Any friend that you have on myspace, well, you should contact them through email only, atleast until you work through your pain...Seeing his comments by his name on someone else's myspace page IS only doing more damage to you.
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 See, to me it seems like he DOES care that is why he is doing these things. To see if he can get me to contact him, make the first move, since he tried a couple weeks back with the text and I never responded. MAybe I am wrong or giving him too much credit? I don't know. I just don't feel he's happy with his choices and regrets leaving me. Maybe that's what I want to beleive? Obvioulsy, I love him and want to believe what we had was real. You guys are so wonderful. I was lost without LS yesterday when it was 'broken.' I don't know what I would do without LS. This is my first breakup, ever and of course it's been awful. But, the advice I get here has been amazing!!! I only wish I started posting sooner.
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 You can't be objective...It's impossible because of your feelings for him and you really don't want to see him for who he is. I am sorry and I don't want to hurt you more than you already are hurting, but allowing yourself to believe he is miserable, missing and loving you, wanting you back is only preventing you from healing. He isn't coming back, his behaviour, his actions are showing you this. Sorry again confused.. If he wanted you back he would end his relationship with the OW, and be with you again. If he was even considering that he would tell you that he misses you, wants to work through this..He hasn't and he won't. The few times he has contacted you, more than likely it's because he is wanting reaction, any kind of reaction out of you. Silence to him is your only option. No reactions at all. This shows him that you will not tolerate his behaviour, that you two ARE no longer a couple so he has NO right to speak to you, let alone try to piss you off and make you feel bad through this myspace blurb comments.
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 You aren't hurting me whichway he is. It just floors me that he doesn't care anymore. How the feck did he just turn off the love? I know he was in love with me before he left to go work out there - I know it. So how in a month can some woman be the end all be all. If he was so hapyp with her why continue to mess with me? I don't know...something isn't making sense. You're probably right that he doesn't care. But, that hurts worse than him cheating. That just proves that I was not something he cared about for a long time and I was too blind to see that. That proves that he looks to me with as much respect as the sh*t on the bottom of his shoe. That proves that I was planning a wedding and a future with a man who did not recipricate my feelings and fooled me and everyone else with his romantic gestures and constant speak about our future and how much he loved me. I was once the best thing that happened to him. I was held on a pedestle or so I thought. Does that mean...he was just faking it this whole effing time?
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Okay, is it possible that he just fell head over heels inlove with someone else and what he feels for her wiped out everything that he felt for you? My guess is no. I think he was looking for a way out for a while, and didn't have the balls to tell you he was unhappy, he just went along with things until he found his way out. The OW. He is not thinking properly, you know that. He has depression, which makes him very selfish in the sense of always worrying about HIMSELF first, and caring most about himself. It's just a trait that many depressed people have. Unfortunately, the drinking doesn't help and throw in that he is having ALOT of a-hole moments... I doubt he was faking it the whole time, but I think, in time, maybe you can look back and see that maybe, possibly, there will little tiny red flags that you both swept under the rug..I don't know.
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 I doubt he was faking it the whole time, but I think, in time, maybe you can look back and see that maybe, possibly, there will little tiny red flags that you both swept under the rug..I don't know I don't know either. But, I don't feel like there were. I don't know. Maybe it time I will see? He just never changed, really. He still wanted s*x, he still did romantic things, he wanted the wedding more than me (saying let's just go to JP and do it and have a party after rather than plan and wait for plans to take place), he wanted to start having kids ASAP....I just don't feel like this was premedidated. Maybe it was? I guess I will never know.
Tomcat33 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 See, to me it seems like he DOES care that is why he is doing these things. To see if he can get me to contact him, make the first move, since he tried a couple weeks back with the text and I never responded. MAybe I am wrong or giving him too much credit? I don't know. I just don't feel he's happy with his choices and regrets leaving me. Maybe that's what I want to beleive? Obvioulsy, I love him and want to believe what we had was real. You guys are so wonderful. I was lost without LS yesterday when it was 'broken.' I don't know what I would do without LS. This is my first breakup, ever and of course it's been awful. But, the advice I get here has been amazing!!! I only wish I started posting sooner. You are a smart girl!! I think you are right this is exactly why he is doing it. I would totally agree. HOWEVER you have to keep in mind that he may want you back for all the wrong reasons. He may want you back just to know he CAN have you back, not to start anything healthy with you, But yes i absolutely agree that he is doing it to get you back. He will be too chicken to be the first to make a move now and he will never admit he made a mistake even if he is feeling that. SO the only you can possibly know his real intentions is to lay low, if he sees he can't get you through this childish tactic of getting a rise out of your through mean actions, then one of two things will happen: He will try to rework his plan to see how he can get you to come around and get you to be the one to beg him back.He will have to come clean and simply face up to telling you he made a mistake or else he will be faced with losing youSo either way he will have to act if he wants you still. There is a third outcome and that is that he could think you are over him and he can resign himself to the idea of having you back, but # 3 is CRUCIAL because if he is not willing to go the extra mile to win you back, it means he wanted you for all the wrong reasons and he would have hurt you again as soon as he had you. So better to lose him than to entertain more hurt with him. Be strong and don't worry about still pining for him post 3 months it will take you as long as it takes you to get over him and you are not in any race to get over it, you give yourself the time you need and you be good to yourself and cry all you have to and feel what you need to feel. No one has the measuring stick on what is right and wrong in getting over pain. Do yourself a favour though and start telling yourself that while you do feel in love with him, you cannot feel TRUE love for a person that did what he did to you he has to improve because you are worth much more than what he gave you.
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Thank you Tomcat. I guess the moral of the story is...don't play his games and see what comes of it. If nothing...his lose! : ) Again, you all rock!!!
Tomcat33 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I guess the moral of the story is...don't play his games and see what comes of it. If nothing...his lose! : ) That's the ticket girlfriend! Steady does it.
Author Confused9 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Let's hope for a bright 08 for all of us!!!!
Author Confused9 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Now it says, 'the past was great but the future is better' I mean, seriously...can he get a life? I know I shouldn't look - but I do...I mean why does he need to change it so much. Give me a break!!!
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 STOP LOOKING! He is changing it because he knows you are looking, that's why. This is a one way contact which is hurting you and serving no purpose.
Author Confused9 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I know, but if he didn't care...why change it? I can't let that go. I feel like it means he cares. I am trying not to look. I told you I will do the 12 step thing or whatever. I will look a certain amount of times each week then cut it down to 1. Then NONE! I need time to do that. I am not responding to it...isn't that good?
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I know, but if he didn't care...why change it? I can't let that go. I feel like it means he cares. He doesn't care, that's why he's doing it! He is messing with you, knowing full well that you are hurting and he is pouring salt in your wounds. Mind games... Confused, I know you can't be objective right now about this, but if this was your bestfriend in your situation, and you were sitting across the table from her, listening to her, what would you tell her? I am not responding to it...isn't that good? Yes, it's excellent!
Author Confused9 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 MAybe you're right. I don't know. This blows!
Recommended Posts