kalena9488 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Wow, I'm so surprised to even be saying this but my ex-husband wants me back. Short version: We met in the Navy, were best friends, got married and had three kids. Upon the 17 year mark I decided I wanted something different, even though he never cheated, never stayed out with the boys, never physically or emotinally abused me, nothing. The only problem I can say we had is we were a young family trying to live on a military income. Now we made pretty good money but, we both came from what I would say a low middle to high low income family. So, we didn't really have any clue on managing money etc. Well needless to say we did divorce. We have stayed in contact especially since we have three kids but, we've always gotten along. He has continued to be their for me both emotionally and financially in some cases. Though don't get the wrong idea their was no sort of emotional affair going on or nothing like that. I remarried... I thought I had found the man of my dreams a man whom as high school students was my bf. Even though he had been married two times and he as well had three kids I thought this was mean't to be. It didn't take me long to realize I had already had what I wanted out of life all along. I had my best friend, workout partner, and most of all family. It finally got to the point where I couldn't take the way my new husband treated my children. I still don't know if he just didn't like them or if he was jealous of them when they wanted my attention or what. I mean out of all three of my kids only my daughter who is 17 now lived with us. She is a straight A student and has never given me any trouble what so ever. But, if you talk to him he acts like she's the worst person he's ever met. Well, needless to say we are divorcing. He wants it just as much as I do. We have been together almost 5 years and been married for just over two. of which since we married we only lived together for one of those years. Well my ex-h sent me the sweetest email and wants me to move to Florida where we can all be a family again. It just feels like the right thing to do. I've known for a long time that we should have never divorced, that people have hard times and if I would've hung in their the tide would have turned because more than anything else we were best friends and always got along. I mean 17 years is along time! So, my daughter graduates this year, she had already planned on going to college near where her daddy lives and she was going to live with him. Now it looks that my family will be back together. I'm thrilled! We haven't really said anythng to the kids yet but we both know they will be so happy. My 20 y/o lives with and works with his dad and my 11 y/o lives with his dad too. We are already planning on buying a house for all of us to live in together. The 20 y/o has had some hard times and is finally getting his act together so he may be with us for a while longer but that's okay. Our job is never done with our children and you do what you have to do.
guessjeans Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 What a lovely story. I would love to have my family back also. I did want to ask your advice tho. Me and my husband divorce 4 years ago, we have a 20 yr old son together. During the 4 yrs apart, we saw each other regularly, went to some family functions together, did things with our son together, neither one of us during that time ever dated anyone else. He had asked to come back just fews after the breakup but I couldnt. I just felt nothing would change. I never really felt he loved me as much as I loved him, and we did go through some hardships financial with me going back to school and him just getting into owning a partnership into a company. In October of this year, he announced that he is now involved with the secretary from work that it seems the two of them have known each other over the years at this company that he no longer owns, but now just manages. It seems that he is very happy, and that he said to me that I should have told me how I felt about him, but I couldnt because he moved in his elderly parents a year after we divorced..i didnt want him to choose. I talk to family members recently and they all said he was devastated with the loss of the marriage, but he really never told me that. I realize now that a lot of his problems come from insecurities. What I want advice on is this. I love this man very much and would give anything to have my family back. I am heartbroken that he loves this other woman, but i understand. He is free to date whom he wants, love who he wants. I know he still loves me because he told me recently. I have placed a No contact in place with myself to protection myself from getting hurt hearing about his new life. Calls from his g/f, talks about her, etc. Our 20 yr old son is battling Graves Disease for the past 6 mths, so that in itself has taken a toll on me. I part of me says just walk away and have no contact with him to protection myself and perhaps one day he might miss our friendship, because he was and still remains my best buddie and I told him that. Or should I continue to be there and talk to him, etc. I use to have him over for dinner to spend time with our son, but I dont do that anymore, and he now invites our son over to his now, and i think he likes it like that..i dont know. All i know, I dont talk to him anymore, I dont deal with him anymore..i dont tell him about upcoming DR appts for our son, etc. I am hurt and I dont want to act jealous or bitter. Would recommend that I start involving him more or remain no contact?? I dont know what I should do. guessjeans
Author kalena9488 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I would continue to tell him the things he needs to know about your son. If you haven't told him how you feel about him since he started seeing this OW than I think you should do that as well. If you want him back tell him. But, be ready to accept his decision to move on. And be open minded and accept it and still continue to be close with him because of your son. It sounds like he waited for you for awhile and if he's finally moved on and now you've found you want to be with him all I can say is life is cruel that way sometimes. My exH has dated but never remarried. He's told me recently that he can't help but compare everyone to me and they just don't measure up. But, if he was to tell me that he had finally found someone that he thought would make me happy..after everything we've been through all I could do would be to wish him the best. I'm sure it would be hard!
guessjeans Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I did tell him how I felt just after he told me about this other woman and he said "I didnt tell him". Its both their first relationship after divorce. She just got a legal separation from a long term marriage, has a 23 yr old son, and the day she got the separation, she moved out, and they were sleeping together the next day, and have been together since. I am hoping that he compares me too. She is much older than me..10 yrs older..she is 57 and I am 47, he is 51. He told me its just companionship, but I know he has been lonely...but I know the answer..and that is for me to continue on with my life, and if i meet someone wonderful, then we know it was meant to be. And on the other hand, this is only a short term relationship, rebound for her, then I can only hope that we both still feel the same about each other, and we can talk about our feelings for each other again and see where it all goes. But something tells me a miracle would have to happen. guessjeans
Woggle Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 All I can say to guess is that you should have appreciated him when he was ready to give it to you. Could it be possible that him moving on with another woman has made you attracted again because you no longer have his heart? Many women do change their tune when a man truly moves on. Kalena I am glad you can now appreciate him and you are very lucky he wants you again. No insult but if my wife ever closes the door on our marriage it can never be opened again so I am glad you realize the grass isn't greener on the otherside.
Author kalena9488 Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Never say Never, at one time I'm sure we both felt that same way as well. Though maybe it didn't last long!
Author kalena9488 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 My ex called me yesterday. Mostly we talked about the kids but he still can sure make me laugh and it felt soo good. I haven't really laughed in a long time.
loveinlife Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Congratulations! I am happy with you!! best wishes! =D
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