Author blind_otter Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 He is ready to run...but is he ready to sober up ?.. By the way.. Props to you and your Sobriety.. I have the utmost respect for you I think he was just afraid that I would kick him out and he was trying to mentally prepare himself for that result. He didn't go to work today, and I am not very pleased about that. He is needy and seeks someone with caretaking behavior, that's me in a nutshell. I wish he would be a man and stand up for HIMSELF.
hotgurl Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 BO, I know this is a difficult choice, but you have to make the right choice for you and your baby. I went through the exact same thing. I was pregnant very young nad the father was a a$$. He would lie lie lie spend all our money, drink not come home. I tried to make it work for the baby for a year. Let me tell you I regret trying the year was so stessful dealing with him and his problem him going to jail him spending our rent. him not coming home. That I feel like I never got to enjoy my daughter's first year of life. I finally kicked him out and moved back with my parents. I tell you it was such a relief. I was so glad just to be able to focus and my daughter and myself and mot have to worry about him blowing rent or getting arrested. It was hard ot be a single parent but my parents helped out. Making that choice was the hardest one I have ever made but it was the best. Without him in my life I was able to provode a stable enviornment for my daughter. The question you have to ask yourself if what would be best for your baby. Yes you can put up with a lot of crap but do you want you child to. I you ever need any adive or just to vent pm me./ I have been there and know what it feels like.
Author blind_otter Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I want to believe that he can heal himself. His father was an alcoholic who is 30 years sober....My own father had alcohol problems and drank until he couldn't physically drink any more.... I can't concentrate or focus on ANYTHING today. Do you think this might be because of what happened?
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I can't concentrate or focus on ANYTHING today. Do you think this might be because of what happened? Of course...It will get better though It also is because you are preggers.. My wife has has trouble concentrating at times and she forgets about everything, even the simplest of things like if the dogs have been fed or if the baby's room was going to be this blue or that blue after she picked that blue and I painted the walls I just smile..
quankanne Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 you've been blindsided by his behavior, so yeah, your mind is for shxt today because of worry and stress and being upset. Hopefully, this episode of his will go a long, long way toward doing the right thing for himself and his little family (you and the baby). My guess is that he thought he could "handle" a little bit of partying but he didn't think how quickly it would get out of hand. My husband is an alcoholic, and the early years of our marriage were hellish when he drank – I was ready to just get the hell out of the relationship, but several things happened that helped improve our life together (ME weekend + him ****ing up his back so badly that the meds he's on have kind of redirected his desire to drink so he's now a sugar junkie, of all things!). I think the retreat weekend helped him see how selfish behavior can destroy a relationship, even a seriously committed one; and I think he realized that it's more than just him in the marriage. My guess your guy is at that point, where he doesn't think he's doing any serious harm to anyone or to your relationship when he indulges in X binge, even though he may be the best person ever, otherwise. and because he's got such great potential, maybe the key is to keep encouraging him to be the better person and letting him know how disappointed or hurt you are by the negative behavior. Most people respond to that when it comes to love-relationships, you know? the best part of this particular plan is that you can also use it on the little one when he/she arrives :laugh: seriously, otter, have that talk with him about how happy you've been with him but that when he pulls dumbass crap like this, it just makes it harder to want a future with him even though you do love him; that it just shakes your confidence in him when you know he's intrinsically a good person. If he realizes there's a lot more he can lose than what he thinks, that could be the thing that motivates him to stay on the right track. about the baby: Is it too early to tell what you're having, or do you plan to be happily surprised when the little one arrives? And how is it going, pregnancy wiase, so far?
Author blind_otter Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 about the baby: Is it too early to tell what you're having, or do you plan to be happily surprised when the little one arrives? And how is it going, pregnancy wiase, so far? It's too early to tell. I'll have another ultrasound in a month and hopefully they can tell me then. The pregnancy is going fine. I thought I was over the worst of the sickness but this morning I was throwing up everywhere and I was late to work. I kept having to run to the bathroom and hover over the toilet. Even now I feel gross. I really just want to go home and crawl into bed but that's not the grown up thing to do.
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 he promised to never do cocaine again Then let his actions prove this to you. Did he say he'll go to AA, maybe even consider counselling or going to a rehab facility? Even now I feel gross. I really just want to go home and crawl into bed but that's not the grown up thing to do. It is when you feel that awful and your employers should let you go home because you need to rest. But, if you feel like you can manage, then stay. Maybe find a quiet place at work and lay down for abit? I hope you feel better..
Author blind_otter Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I'm considering going home after lunch. I just can't seem to focus at all.
Lishy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 BO I think you need to think about your future a bit You need to be honest with yourself, will he give up the drink? will he give up the coke? will he be a wonderful daddy to your child? does your child need a dad like him? Only YOU know him babe and only YOU can decide! I spent 14 years with the wrong man and I wish I knew then what I know now! You do not have to make a decision right now, you are pregnant and your hormones are everywhere.
Author blind_otter Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 To be honest I was surprised at the coke....it's been over a year since he last used. I aske dhim who gave it to him, he mentioned a guy I've never met. And another thing is that he wouldn't have used the coke if he hadn't been drunk. IMO he has a huge alcohol problem...the drugs are ancillary to his alcohol abuse. I honestly don't know whether he'll get sober. He will go for months without having a drink and then all of a sudden go on a binge. It's not something you can predict with him. I told him he had to go to AA, but he was curled up in bed at the time so I don't know that he heard me.
cj1988 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Honey, I can tell you now, NO THEY DO NOT GROW UP. My H is 38 and still acts like a freakin idiot. Drinks all the time, smokes dope all the time and probably does other drugs I do not know about. YES, leave him and raise this baby without him.....you and the baby are better off, if not you will have 2 kids to raise instead of one !
Lishy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I sort of agree with cj When someone self medicates with alchohol/drugs they genberally carry on to do so until they are either too old or too ill to carry on doing it! I dont want to judge your man and BO you have helped me so many times in the past and I have maximum respect for you so I dont want to say anything that may make you feel worse, but honey only YOU can see what he really is. I have an impression of him that is not good but you know the real man! Be honest with yourself honey and dont be scared as you will be a great mum either with him or without him!
Author blind_otter Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I can't believe that people can't grow up and get over drugs and alcohol. I did it. It took a few years and a lot of money and time and pain, but I did it. I'm still in recovery. I will always be. But if I can do it, I have to believe that he can.
hotgurl Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I can't believe that people can't grow up and get over drugs and alcohol. I did it. It took a few years and a lot of money and time and pain, but I did it. I'm still in recovery. I will always be. But if I can do it, I have to believe that he can. But does he want to do it? That is the real question. BO you worked really really hard. But you were willing to do the work. What about him?
tanbark813 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I have nothing to offer that hasn't already been said but I hope things work out for you one way or another, BO.
quankanne Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I have to believe that he can I feel the same way – you just gotta figure out what motivates him, and go from there. Meanwhile, if he's a good daddy to start with, that's not gonna change with the new baby.
Lishy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Things will definately work out for BO, she is too strong a personality for it to be any other way. You dont beat an addicton and stay celan when you are weak willed. The worry at the moment is that BO is pregnant and needs to look after herself. Her head is like mush and she is being pulled one way and another with her thoughts and feelings. She already knows that he is a good dad to his child but she has to work out if she can continue in an active relationship with him and his addictions.
Author blind_otter Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 I absolutely will not have a relationship with him and his addictions...I WILL have a relationship with him if he makes the effort to beat his addictions. I spoke with him on the phone a minute ago and asked him if he was committed to staying sober and he said he definately is. So what remains to be seen is if he is will to do the work.
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