jdeedee Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I wrote a topic in "Second Chances" regarding emailing my ex for forgiveness ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140101/ ). I don't know if its proper forum etiquitte to post multiple topics around here and if not, feel free to delete this one. Anyway, she hasn't replied. I sent the email on the 29th, a month after we broke up, and I know thats a long time for people to move on, etc. I was at least hoping to hear something but she just hasn't said a word. It's been hard, as I said in the last update in the other thread: Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had in a while, I got home from vacation and didn't have anyone to turn to. I don't know why she's ignoring me. I wish she would at least reply with something instead of this cold shoulder. I admitted a lot of wrongs in that email and it really took some strength to send it, its pretty scary to tell someone you miss them and hear nothing in reply. It's not like we don't work and go to the same school, I'm going to pass by her sometime and to know she got this email and just ignored it... I'm hurt.
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 It's not like we don't work and go to the same school, I'm going to pass by her sometime and to know she got this email and just ignored it... I'm hurt. Most of us on LS has felt the same as you at some point after a breakup..when we texted, called or emailed an ex and he/she didnt reply. And it feels like you just poured your heart out to them and what do they do in return? Ignore it. Most times its just to avoid talking MORE about the breakup and other times it means they have moved on. But it really depends. Did she breakup with you? Or did you breakup with her?
Author jdeedee Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 I broke up with her. I explained a good deal of the ending over in Second chances but to reiterate, I got cold feet. We were moving too fast and I pushed her away. In the email I sent to her I told her how selfish and wrong I was, explained that I am very torn right now regarding responsibilities to friends versus how much I missed her. I was hoping she would respond and we could begin rebuilding a foundation but she hasn't said anything.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 jdeedee, I think its best you back off from this girl. You realise you made the mistake of breaking up with her - but in life we live and learn from our mistakes, its what helps us gain knowledge in the relationship criteria and helps us not repeat the same mistakes in later future. It sounds like she is ignoring you because she is/was VERY hurt from the breakup and does not want to get back with you (right now) due to the hurt she may be feeling. I suggest you to leave her be, your only hurting yourself by not getting a response your hoping from her.
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I think if you really love this woman and see a future with her then I think you should prove to her that you made a mistake somehow.
Author jdeedee Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 I think if you really love this woman and see a future with her then I think you should prove to her that you made a mistake somehow. I don't think its that simple. If I keep doing things I feel like I'll just push her away. I emailed her, I'm strongly debating a birthday gift (her birthday is January 20th and I was going to send a bouqet of her favorite flowers). I don't know, I'd like to believe that if I just pushed towards her she'd realise Im sorry but I think that backing off and waiting on her is the only thing I really can do. When you push at someone they push away.
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Yeah i know. I meant show her that you still care for her.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Do you know if she is dating someone else? She might be ignoring you due to that.
Author jdeedee Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Do you know if she is dating someone else? She might be ignoring you due to that. I don't think she is but really don't know. She is still listed as single on facebook and I am pretty sure both her and I aren't ready to begin dating a new person. The breakup was hard on us both. ..but then again who knows. I never thought of her as the type of person that would just ignore me, and that seems to be the route she's chosen. I know patience is key when attempting to resolve something this big. It took me four weeks to figure my own self out and write/send the email, it may take her a while to respond, but it still really hurts.
runnernotswimmer Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Dude, I know the pain. But if you're going to tell this to total strangers and acctually get support from people you don't know at all, forget it. It seems like she has no support fom your dreams and you need to find a girl that will support them. If you want to do music, then find someone that will support you instead of playing the "sturdy life" like she said or whatever. Life is short and you should do what you see yourself doing. If you want support, go to your friends. If you want hard core advice, continue to refer to these forums and get just that harsh advice that isee people give and what I get. I think you should find someone who will support your music. If she wants to do that, there is still hope for you two. If you're not ready for marrige, if she won't wait for you, then she's not worth the wait. But if you want to continue to go head over heels for her, keep sending those emails and wasting both of your guys time. Like I said, total strangers will show you no mercy because they don't know you... Abe Lincoln: I will be as harsh as the truth and as uncompromising as justice.
Author jdeedee Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Hey man I appreciate your advice and I never tried to give the impression I didn't appreciate any and all input.
sedgwick Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 My ex dumped me last July. We spoke twice after that. The first time he still loved me, etc. The second time he acted like he despised me. That night I blocked his phone number, both email addresses, and myspace. I have not unblocked them since. I feel fairly certain he hasn't tried to contact me, but if he has, I wouldn't have known it. It could be that your ex was as hurt as I was and blocked you.
runnernotswimmer Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 no, you never gave that impression. It's only the title you put in there. I'm just going through this one session of my own and am finding out that the internet is not the place to go for "friendly" advice. In fact, thank you for letting me write it and not getting too angry about it. It was actually more of a reality check than a forum reply to me. So my bad. I hope and pray it works out for you jdeedee.
Lee725 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Hi Jdeedee, I am one of those girls who is looking long term. If someone told me that they were not ready for marriage and i was it would probably irrepairably damage the way i feel about them. (mind you i am talking long term relationships here). For the ideal of a life together and marriage to have come up you, yourself must have been contributing somewhat to the conversation because if you had said from the very start that you were not ready for it, she would not have pursued it with you and she may have looked at the relationship differently. You have said that you got cold feet in the end. That's ok and it is good that you were truthful, but the effect that would have had on her would have been pretty devestating. You were with her, living with her and then you wanted to back off a great deal and go back to the dating scenario (some people feel that is a "slap in face" to the relationship) . She done what was best for her, she protected herself from you in the sense of not wanting to feel hurt by you anymore. She may be under the impression that you will never really want to commit to her, and if you do now you will be doing it because "she wants it", not because you really do. (this may be her perception - not yours now). The only thing that can perhaps change that is time, a month is not a long time (to move on) from a long term relationship, so i would not say that it is completely over and done with yet, you can try to send her more emails (maybe a couple a week, saying how you really feel, not just - "iam sorry, i want you back", or you can go with NC, the choice is yours. Maybe also with the emails put a read-reciept on them, that way you will know that she is getting them and opening them. Just my thoughts, hope it all works out for you.
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