did i ruin everything or was he never going to love me anyway?

[tikster]

well you guys know about my ex who broke up w me, dated someone new two days later. came back but wanted fwb so i walked away.

 

well he always wants us to be friends so i really try to be. we talked via myspace only and on friendly terms.

 

well, i went to my office christmas party and we were all hanging out and drinking. my ex grabbed me and told me that he missed me, that he was crazy about me and that we should start over. i was a little reluctant and asked him what changed. eventually throughout the night we were kissing and spent the night together (no sex) he tried but i said no and we messed around a little and the next day he said that he'd call me.

 

the next day i was so confused and i wrote him an email and told him that we needed to have a serious talk about what happened. we had friendly convos but he never acknowledged the comment about talking.

 

so i assumed that he wanted to forget what happened and stay friends. i wrote him a long emotional email since it seemed like he doesn't seem to talk to me on the phone. basically saying that i can't keep going back and forth cuz everytime i let him in he rejects me. and that the only way we could be friends again is when i can move on to someone else.

 

he called that night and said that i am doing my best to screw things up and that i m not patient enough to wait for his call because it was two days that he didn't call. and that he wanted me to call him back so that we could talk things out. i called the next day and he never returned my call. i wasn;t trying to rush him but hes put me through so much this year and he really confused things that night and i needed to talk to him.

 

two days later he talks to me like we are still good friends and since he won't return my call like i asked and he even said he would. i told him not to talk to me. everytime i see him at work he talks to me like we are friends and i just ignore him.

 

i feel like im being a bitch, but he seriously put me through a lot and always gets what he wants from me but then rejects me saying "we're friends right?" and yea it may seem like i was impatient but in reality i have been waiting for him for over a year.

 

please tell me that i am doing the right thing by cutting him out of my life. im going away for college this week, but i still feel this hole and kinda miss him although he seems to walk around like he's as happy as a clam.

 

if you need me to clarify things just ask. i really feel so hurt by him. thank you guys

[PLAYBRAT]

If YOU feel like he is mistreating you or hurting you too much

to HONESTLY be his friend without it turning into an emotional ordeal...then YES you are doing the right thing. He sounds very passive/aggressive...and truthfully that would annoy the hell out of me, so I can see why you feel this way.

 

Bottom line: If a guy WANTS to be with you..he will make it happen.

This guy just doesn"t want to be the "bad guy"...Or so it seems. So he

dangles the "friendship carrot" when he thinks you're angry or hurt.

Give him a dose of his own medicine. Cut him out of your life without

a word. If he wants you bad enough he will find you.

[s_n_d]

If YOU feel like he is mistreating you or hurting you too much

to HONESTLY be his friend without it turning into an emotional ordeal...then YES you are doing the right thing. He sounds very passive/aggressive...and truthfully that would annoy the hell out of me, so I can see why you feel this way.

 

Bottom line: If a guy WANTS to be with you..he will make it happen.

This guy just doesn"t want to be the "bad guy"...Or so it seems. So he

dangles the "friendship carrot" when he thinks you're angry or hurt.

Give him a dose of his own medicine. Cut him out of your life without

a word. If he wants you bad enough he will find you.

 

I agree with playbrat. You should try to cut him out of your life for a bit.

[NotMyselfNEmore]

Wow...if you take the sentence "I will be going away to college" out of your post, I would think we dated the same guy!

 

I'm probably about 10 years older than you and dated someone even older, for he was 17 year my senior. You would think that these mind games are territorial of being young but, NOPE! they're not! I read your post and almost every situation reminded me of my relationship with this 40-something year old baby. He also made me feel as if "I was the problematic one". He told me on many instances that I just wasn't patient enough and that he needed to "feel right" about every single little aspect of our every day interactions. Then, in all his passive-aggressiveness.... convinced me of being the one who actually screwed it up!

 

I'm not allowing anyone to do that to me again EVER. I have dealt with this (and with letting go) for 2 years now since he will go NC for a while and then call me, pursue me incessantly and then go NC again. That seemed to be his game and always left me hanging on a thread; waiting for his next phone call, email or MSN message.

 

Do not allow him to make you feel as though you are the one who cannot have a healthy relationship. He is the one who's feeling awkward and miserable. These actions are just a way of him controlling you.

 

"You couldn't want patiently enough for 2 days for my call" What the hell is that supoosed to mean anyway? What, you are supposed to just sit there and hope that he can graciously come down and "touch" you with his blessing? That's messed up! Take it from someone who's been there, DON'T GO THERE.

 

I do not wish you luck for it's not a matter of luck. Instead, I wish you strength.

[tikster]

thanks for all of your words. actually the night before i moved i went into my job to return a few things and when he saw me he got all excited and kept trying to play around and talk to me. i asked him " why are you back here with me?" and he replied " b-cuz you're here i have to bother you" this is what he would do before he became friendly again. so i answered " well i thought we weren't doing this anymore" and he said " oh still mad about things in the past" i said "whatever" and left. seriously i don't kno what the hell is wrong with him. he obviously has no respect or love for me yet can't really let go or whatever it is he's doing.

 

i haven't spoken to him for a week since i moved and kinda wondering if he will try to contact me, lol. i just hope that i will find a good guy that'll show him what he lost. i think that i can honestly say that i did absolutely nothing wrong to this boy just show him that i care about him too much. yet he's the one who did everything wrong in the book and its all my fault and i bet he's not having a problem finding other girls. oh well. i noticed that the 2007 theme of the year was that life is unfair.

 

but i've been happier since i moved and started school.

[NotMyselfNEmore]

Yeay!!!!! I'm so glad that you feel that way!!

 

Keep it up

[tikster]

ok so during the weekend he e mailed me (through myspace, btw) to say that my paycheck was still at my job, since i went away to school i haven't picked it up yet. i gave him a short response saying " i know its there, thank you". gee, i feel like he really didn't have to email me to tell me that, i have bosses and people who take care of payroll to tell me that. maybe i'm reading too much into it but i kinda felt like he was looking for a way to talk to me. unfortunately, up until now he's been out of my mind but after that quick email i find myself thinking about him again.

[NotMyselfNEmore]

ok so during the weekend he e mailed me (through myspace, btw) to say that my paycheck was still at my job, since i went away to school i haven't picked it up yet. i gave him a short response saying " i know its there, thank you". gee, i feel like he really didn't have to email me to tell me that, i have bosses and people who take care of payroll to tell me that. maybe i'm reading too much into it but i kinda felt like he was looking for a way to talk to me. unfortunately, up until now he's been out of my mind but after that quick email i find myself thinking about him again.

 

Yup.... yet another way to yank your chain. That's how he gains control. Ugh!! You must be frustrated!

[wizzlebee]

Dont give into him. Cause the cycle will just start all over again. He really isnt worth your time. Forget him

[tikster]

well i've been away for over a month and haven't talked to him at all. well that is until he sent me a message over myspace.

 

well basically i do those stupid surveys when i'm bored. i guess he read it and copy and pasted these two questions that asked me if i talked to an ex and i answered : "kinda he i m's me but it's never a real conversation, i wish he would just talk to me if he wanted to." -it wasn't about him i never specified who it was about.

 

and then another that said who was the last person that made you cry i wrote: "he knows who he is...feel good about yourself?" to which he replied must be me

 

then at the end he wrote :

"personally i thought you preferred me not talking to you and i'm sorry if i'm wrong"

i told him that the ex thing wasn't about him. and that was it. it was kind of cold and i didn't respond any further. i just can't get close to him again in any shape or form. he hurt me too much and everything is different now.

 

this message came out of the blue and while i am still trying to heal. my friends tell me that it was obvious that he wants to talk to me but not to befriend him again. i don't know it's just so hard letting go even though i moved away i still think about him everyday. he wasn't the best boyfriend at all, but for some reason i still miss him. and trust me, i'm definitely trying to not think about him as opposed to people who intentionally wallow in grief, like my friend ,haha.

 

i just want to talk to him, but i know i'm not going to. why is this so hard when he treated me as only fwb and broke my heart? and sometimes i just wonder if he really does have feelings for me still or if he's doing the whole ego thing. i really just don't know. i know he's going to mexico for spring break and i'm jealous b-cuz i know that he's going to hook up with someone.

 

i guess i'm just sad