Phateless Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 so i meet girls all the time, and often they ask me a bunch of questions about myself to get to know me. explaining all of this is awkward and often times kills their interest. it's starting to PPPP me off. -where are you from? -what do you do? etc... normal questions, but my situation is complicated and i get sick of explaining it. plus that conversation is just plain boring. i don't like having it. i am 27. i am born and rasied in berkeley, but live in slo. right now i'm home for the holidays. i moved down there 3 years ago for a gf at the time. right before i moved i got my aa from dvc. i then worked for 3 years at a honda dealership selling cars. just recently, i quit my job to go back to school and finish the last semester or two i need to transfer somewhere and get a ba, so i've been living off my savings for the past semester. i hate explaining this whole thing, and this conversation is boring and awkward, but i don't want to just dodge the questions and seem like i'm being shady. what to do?
spookie Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) Oh man, I'm in the exact situation. I've taken to responding with "I don't want to lie to you, so let's drop this topic... what's YOUR story?" Only the pscyhos want to keep pursuing me after that. If you think your "story" is complicated, try mine: I was born in Azerbaijan, from where my family fled when I was 6. We were political refugees. But I'm not Azerii - I'm Russian - though I've never been to Russia and my family's roots in Azerbaijan date back to the 18th century on both sides of the family. I grew up in San Francisco, moving from place to place a lot. Oh - and my grandparents, who were illegal immigrants - always tagged along, living with us in usually cramped quarters. We had to hide them in the closet sometimes. Then in my senior year of HS, we moved to TX, which is why I ended up going to college there. But, my freshman year of college, my family moved away to the east coast. This is why I have no idea where "home" is or where I am "from". My junior year of college, some **** happened that I don't want to talk about and they cut me off financially, which is why I had to withdraw from school and start working at a strip club. Edited December 31, 2007 by spookie
Author Phateless Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Oh man, I'm in the exact situation. I've taken to responding with "I don't want to lie to you, so let's drop this topic... what's YOUR story?" Only the pscyhos want to keep pursuing me after that. If you think your "story" is complicated, try mine: I was born in Azerbaijan, from where my family fled when I was 6. We were political refugees. But I'm not Azerii - I'm Russian - though I've never been to Russia and my family's roots in Azerbaijan date back to the 18th century on both sides of the family. I grew up in San Francisco, moving from place to place a lot. Oh - and my grandparents, who were illegal immigrants - always tagged along, living with us in usually cramped quarters. We had to hide them in the closet sometimes. Then in my senior year of HS, we moved to TX, which is why I ended up going to college there. But, my freshman year of college, my family moved away to the east coast. This is why I have no idea where "home" is or where I am "from". My junior year of college, some **** happened that I don't want to talk about and they cut me off financially, which is why I had to withdraw from school and start working at a strip club. wow, you really can relate. sorry to hear about all of that, girlie. it sucks having to explain all this doesn't it?? the only thing i can think of is one word answers then flipping it back to ask about the other person. how funny that you're a ruskaya devochka from the bay area. i know a lot of ruskees. my ex of 5 years was a ruskaya, and i still have a bunch of ruskee friends. tee ochen kresivaya??
rosalie Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 make light of it! You're a jack of all trades, a master of none right now Sounds like you are in your early-mid 20's and at that age there's nothing wrong with flipping around a little, if the girl doesn't appreciate it, her loss. You certainly don't sound like someone who sits around doing nothing. You're still finding your place, nothing wrong with that. Not quite the same, but I've yet to be beaten in the dysfunctional family stakes (ever) but the same in that I used to hide it but now I'm honest and make a joke of it as if that person can't handle my wacky family then it's never really going to work. Don't stress about it too much, really
Poboy Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 the conversation is boring because you make it sound boring or you come out not interested to let the other person know about you ... you can throw in funny stuff while telling about yourself , its not an interview . work on this and make telling about yourself interesting & fun and not a chore.
Trimmer Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 the conversation is boring because you make it sound boring or you come out not interested to let the other person know about you ... Or another way of looking at it: it's boring because you are bored by it yourself. What do you think is interesting about your life? Are there stories or incidents that you find interesting, funny, gripping, etc? Find your way to telling your life in the context of those kinds of stories, and if you are interested, your date will be too.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Although you hate telling it for the millionth time , whomever you are telling it to is hearing it for the first time.
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Phate - you can really leave a lot of this detail out. When someone asks you were you are from, just answer, "Berkeley. Where are YOU from?, Or, "Have you ever been there?" I don't think you need to get into the tedious detail of every time you signed a new lease or took a new job. For an early date, it would exhaust me, too. It's what we call, TMI. I also have a very complicated life story, like everyone does, really - I just filter out the bulk of it initially, as I know later on down the road we can dig into some further detail.
Author Phateless Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Phate - you can really leave a lot of this detail out. When someone asks you were you are from, just answer, "Berkeley. Where are YOU from?, Or, "Have you ever been there?" I don't think you need to get into the tedious detail of every time you signed a new lease or took a new job. For an early date, it would exhaust me, too. It's what we call, TMI. I also have a very complicated life story, like everyone does, really - I just filter out the bulk of it initially, as I know later on down the road we can dig into some further detail. I agree, and the reason I don't do that anymore is because one word answers only produce more questions. "i thought you said you lived in berkeley?" -"no, i'm from berkeley, but i live in slo" "oh are you going to poly?" -"no i'm going to cuesta." "how old are you?" -"i'm 27, i took a few years off to work" and so on... I don't explain my whole life story in one paragraph. I was explaining the whole story to you guys so you would understand the series of questions I get asked successively every single time.
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I dunno then, Phate. I'm REALLY good at deflecting topics in conversation and turning it back so the person will talk about themselves. Either that, or you stop dating these girls who think they are Diane Sawyer. Just seems like very painful interactions. I think it's really a function of youth, to be honest. Older folks tend to not drill each other like that. Maybe it's time to start dating the cougs...
oppath Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Just lie. Tell them you work for a non profit that defends juvenile sex offenders. But seriously, you need to highlight on what makes the answers of those questions interesting to you. When I worked for oil companies, I would say "have you ever seen the movie titanic? You know one of the modern scenes, where they are exploring the wreck with one of those robots with arms? I use those to put environmental sensors near oil rigs to make sure we're not killing the dolphins." Isn't that much more descriptive and interesting than saying "I'm an ocean engineer." If you don't find your answer interesting, turn the question on them as soon as possible. I do understand your point though, being in graduate school. I get a lot of blank responses to my answers. The women don't know how to respond. They did this as an undergrad too when I studies physics...and few people like physics so their response was usually "physics...why? That sucks." How could I respond in turn to that, basically an insult? I took the attitude that I was culpable for their response and needed to explain things. Or just lie, like tell them "I'm the cardio trainer for the San Diego Padres. Peavey's conditioning last offseason really paid off and we just got back from Hawaii as a gift."
mistieyed Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 so i meet girls all the time, and often they ask me a bunch of questions about myself to get to know me. explaining all of this is awkward and often times kills their interest. it's starting to PPPP me off. -where are you from? -what do you do? etc... normal questions, but my situation is complicated and i get sick of explaining it. plus that conversation is just plain boring. i don't like having it. i am 27. i am born and rasied in berkeley, but live in slo. right now i'm home for the holidays. i moved down there 3 years ago for a gf at the time. right before i moved i got my aa from dvc. i then worked for 3 years at a honda dealership selling cars. just recently, i quit my job to go back to school and finish the last semester or two i need to transfer somewhere and get a ba, so i've been living off my savings for the past semester. i hate explaining this whole thing, and this conversation is boring and awkward, but i don't want to just dodge the questions and seem like i'm being shady. what to do? why do you feel you have to provide every little detail to someone? until you are in a situation where you know there is potential, there is no need to share every last detail. just my thoughts.
quankanne Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 my grandparents, who were illegal immigrants - always tagged along, living with us in usually cramped quarters. We had to hide them in the closet sometimes. this is terrible, but I have an image in my head of a couple of little old people crammed into a closet, holding their breath until it's safe to come out! Hopefully, they were able to turn it into an adventure and not let it traumatize them. I dunno phate, it doesn't sound boring when you describe what you've been doing or where you're from, but I guess that's the reporter in me. However, if it makes you uncomfortable, just give a brief answer then turn the conversation around. Or joke about it, and tell the girls you're an international man of mystery or an undercover spy who's laying low for awhile, they'd never think to find you in a college hangout or any place outside a huge metropolitan area! Just have fun with it, you're entitled to make the most of it.
johan Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 The next time someone asks about you, take a breath, take a drink, lean against something, and say this all in one breath: "i am 27 i am born and rasied in berkeley but live in slo right now i'm home for the holidays i moved down there 3 years ago for a gf at the time right before i moved i got my aa from dvc i then worked for 3 years at a honda dealership selling cars just recently i quit my job to go back to school and finish the last semester or two i need to transfer somewhere and get a ba so i've been living off my savings for the past semester. There. Happy?" On the other hand, don't think of it as "shady" if you choose not to go into much detail. It's just not worth going into much unless someone asks for specifics. It's the rest of your life that's interesting. And that stuff only comes up as the conversation meanders around. But if you dump a lot of everyday tedium into the conversation (it wasn't even that great to read), they might lose patience with you before you get a chance to tell them the more interesting stuff.
Geishawhelk Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Start off with.. "I was born at a very early age and it all went downhill from there.... My parents never had kids, so chances are I won't either....!" I've done that a few times, and it's raised a smile... It got me locked up for 24 hours too, but that's another story.... And if you asked me, then I'd have to tell you.....
Jilly Bean Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Phate - when people used to ask me about my family, I would just say, "oh, my parents are circus people." Try that.
Author Phateless Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Phate - when people used to ask me about my family, I would just say, "oh, my parents are circus people." Try that. lol thanks Jilly, maybe I'll use that.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Well, If I were talking to you and you told me this: i am 27. i am born and rasied in berkeley, but live in slo. right now i'm home for the holidays. i moved down there 3 years ago for a gf at the time. right before i moved i got my aa from dvc. i then worked for 3 years at a honda dealership selling cars. just recently, i quit my job to go back to school and finish the last semester or two i need to transfer somewhere and get a ba, so i've been living off my savings for the past semester. I'd run in the opposite direction, that is, if I didn't fall asleep by then. How dull and how boring, omg. Ariadne
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 i moved down there 3 years ago for a gf at the time. Hon, spin, spin, spin this little gem. How romantic of you to be willing to relocate for your loved one. Your g/f went away to school and you followed her down because you couldn't live without her. When you fall for someone, you do fall hard. Beyond that, I would gloss over the rest. "Hmmm...I was born and bred in Berkeley, pursued my ex-ladylove down here. I'm such a romantic, when it comes to my partners. Too bad things didn't work out, but hey, people change and we were so young. Beyond that, I'm 27 and single, back to school for a short while to complete my degree. How about you? What's happened in your life?"
Florida Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 i then worked for 3 years at a honda dealership selling cars. just recently, i quit my job to go back to school and finish the last semester or two i need to transfer somewhere and get a ba, so i've been living off my savings for the past semester. i hate explaining this whole thing, and this conversation is boring and awkward, but i don't want to just dodge the questions and seem like i'm being shady. what to do? People create their own legends, you seem to be missing that component. Did you have some funny story at the car dealership? Or did it influence you wanting to make a complete break and go back to school? For example: After this one customer at the car dealership put the pedal to the metal for a routine test run, I saw my life flash before my eyes as the guy who died a violent death while 'ol Barney Rubble was at the wheel driving for the first time. I decided I wanted more than that, and quit to pursue ***(fill in major) at *** (school name. Something like that must have happened, right?
Trimmer Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 (edited) If I were talking to you and you told me this: i am 27........ snip .........for the past semester. I'd run in the opposite direction, that is, if I didn't fall asleep by then. How dull and how boring, omg. You just basically repeated back to him his original premise, the whole reason he is posting. Nice restatement, though. People create their own legends, you seem to be missing that component. Did you have some funny story at the car dealership? Or did it influence you wanting to make a complete break and go back to school? For example: After this one customer at the car dealership put the pedal to the metal for a routine test run, I saw my life flash before my eyes as the guy who died a violent death while 'ol Barney Rubble was at the wheel driving for the first time. I decided I wanted more than that, and quit to pursue ***(fill in major) at *** (school name. Something like that must have happened, right? I think this is brilliant, and a much better version of what I was trying to say further up. Again: what is it about your life that stirs you, that you get excited about? Work that into your story. Even answering an apparently boring question about "what are you studying" can lead to an interesting tidbit about something in your childhood or adolescence that triggered something that led to the place you are today. That's how I treat the "what do you do?" question. I try not to go on and on forever (ha! which you may not believe if you've ever slept through some of my longer posts...) but instead of just a one or two word answer about "my job is blank" or "I work as a blank", I relate a few funny (and I hope interesting!) anecdotes about my life along the way that got me to this career, and lead to a finale of what my job is as a result. What is your legend? Edited January 2, 2008 by Trimmer
Ronni_W Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Well, dating is tough work on both sides. I think people are just asking the question with the *hope* of finding some common ground and being able to carry on from there...they probably think their story is even more boring. I don't really think they're trying to trigger our personal disappointments and memory of the things we are ashamed of, about ourselves/our history. Why not try something like: "You know, I find my story extremely boring...let me tell it to you and hopefully you can help me spice it up for the next lovely person who asks me" ? I knew this guy for 2 years, before he felt comfortable enough to tell me about his family's escape from Iraq, via Turkey. IT WAS FASCINATING to me, that he'd survived all this adversity...and yet, it was something he felt made him somewhat "less" of the wonderful whole that he truly is!
Ariadne Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 You just basically repeated back to him his original premise, the whole reason he is posting. Nice restatement, though. Or a confirmation of the phenomenon I'd say. There's million ways to say that in a manner that is interesting. Not in a way that is going to put someone to sleep. Besides, I'd also be thinking... did I ask you all of that? No. Then sht up. Or most likely, I'd be out of there. Ariadne
Trimmer Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Why not try something like: "You know, I find my story extremely boring...let me tell it to you and hopefully you can help me spice it up for the next lovely person who asks me" ? Maybe you're on the right track, although it may not be best to talk about the next lovely person you will be with while you are with this lovely person... Don't take your focus off her. How about "You know, I find my story extremely boring, but let me tell it to you and maybe you can help me spice it up to keep you from nodding off if it ever comes up again in the future..." Now you are talking about her in the future tense, instead of someone else...
Author Phateless Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Maybe you're on the right track, although it may not be best to talk about the next lovely person you will be with while you are with this lovely person... Don't take your focus off her. How about "You know, I find my story extremely boring, but let me tell it to you and maybe you can help me spice it up to keep you from nodding off if it ever comes up again in the future..." Now you are talking about her in the future tense, instead of someone else... Yeah I wouldn't want to put myself down cuz that's a major turn-off. Thanks for all the input guys. Adriadne - what exactly about that story would cause you to run, other than being boring?
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