brice3010 Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Hi, i hope to find some advice on how to handle best this romance. I am a divorced father, no strings attached (free) with a very happy life, two fantastic kids (14 and 15) that are with me half time. Only a loving partner has been missing for the past three years. I play flute in our local concert band, and five years ago our conductor introduced his wife as first solo flute player. We became good friends, we could talk and enjoy our company very much but never ever even remotely did I think about this going any further. She has a degree in psychiatry and we often talked about how i should go about my son who was born with a oxygen defficiency and subsequent slight handicap. I had not seen her for 6 months and did not even know if she was going to attend sessions again. That is until six weeks ago. We got talking again, and i came to learn her relationship was running off the cliffs. We had nothing further said, but two weeks later we got talking again, and this time i became aware things were happening between us. Since the past two weeks we fell so fully, totally and completely in love, i have not had this happen to me since i was adolescent. Our romance has no sexual implications (yet) but our involvement goes absolutely to a very deep emotional, intellectual and (may i say?) spiritual level. I never thought this could ever happen to me, but the sentence "a meeting of souls" just got a new meaning to me. The only qualm i have is that she has only just started divorce proceedings. I know for a fact she is not divorcing because of me. I just wonder how i should go about handling this love affair in the light of all possible stress induced by this to her. I remember my divorce 3 years ago, which had not involved any stress of fighting, but took about a year for me to get settled emotionally in my new lifestyle. Now i have these heartwrenching conflicting feelings of allowing her time and space to go thru these emotions of separation and loss, and my (and our!) immense urge to be with each other every single moment possible from here to eternity. What pitfalls should i be aware of? Very many thanks for your replies. Erik
rosalie Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 You've been through a divorce yourself Erik so you know the torment it causes, even in the most ideal circumstances. Be cautious, she will need to go through the emotions that come from seperation and divorce and that is never an easy journey. As a female I'd suggest giving her emotional and physical space but be there for her as a good friend and try as much as you can to be objective about her situation. Let her set the terms of your relationship as she is on the rollercoaster ride right now. Personally, these days I never start anything too serious with people who are at minimum 6 months from splitting from a long term relationship as anyone worth being with cannot be in a position to commit to anyone for a long time after. Sorry, it may not be what you want to hear, she sounds lovely as you do, just look after you and do what you can for her without harming your own emotional wellbeing. good luck
Author brice3010 Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Rosalie, thank you so much for your very considerate and sweet reply. It is so comforting hearing or reading a well thought thru reply; i have such deep emotions it is not possible to think clearly, and receiving such feedback really helps. Thank you. Erik
Author brice3010 Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 now for some news: today i learned that my ex-girlfriend (whom i admit i dumped not very ceremoniously for my new love) got word of my new engagement and has started to search into my friends' private life, has distributed private mails between her and me and so on.... man, man,.. one wonders how far spite goes...
sumdude Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 now for some news: today i learned that my ex-girlfriend (whom i admit i dumped not very ceremoniously for my new love) got word of my new engagement and has started to search into my friends' private life, has distributed private mails between her and me and so on.... man, man,.. one wonders how far spite goes... Hell hath no fury like a .....
Author brice3010 Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 My friend was just here; she had been discussing with her soon to be ex all practical details of the divorce, and they have made an appointment with a lawyer-notary next Tuesday to finalise everything. She was completely exhausted, totally empty and near depression. She asked for time for herself, to get past her pain and let the past go. We could talk very good, we were close, and I feel I can give her the time she needs, even though she was unable to set any actual time on it. I feel reassured everything at least gets on its way now, without fighting. I feel her love is deep enough for her to come back to me once she feels ready, and i find it actually courageous she wants to fight off her pain first before engaging in a new relationship. I hope to keep finding the strength to give her the time she needs.
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