AngelSighingSoftly Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 For the past two months, I've been dating this boy in my college dorm (we are both freshmen). He's my first serious relationship, and it is progressing very well. I've always been anti-sexual (because I've been afraid of it), but he has gently introduced me to healthy sexuality. I have never felt pushed to do anything I didn't want to, and we have spoken openly about everything from emotional unsurity to unwanted erections to sex. We have not reached that final step, and we will not for quite some time. We only go as far as we both feel comfortable. He came to visit for a couple days over Christmas break (we live about five states apart), and since then (though it went well), I've been questioning my feelings for him. My mother is trapped in an unpleasant marriage, so I am very careful (perhaps overly so) to make sure I am in the perfect relationship that will not lead me along her path. The past couple of days, I have realized that this boy has three different personalities: One, when he is with me, which I love very much. I suppose this is the boy I have fallen for. One, when he is with our friends, that is cute sometimes, but that can be a bit annoying other times. The last is a card-player persona. It comes out when he is playing any games that have to do with cards, when he is with his card-playing buddies, at tournaments (he is a well-known, talented player who also writes articles for a couple websites), or posting on the card forums. It is egotistical, strongly-and-sometimes-sharply toned, smooth-talking, and competitive, and it just isn't the boy I loved. I'm also a little nervous that I cannot see myself with him forever. Of course, I am 18, and I can't really see myself marrying anyone, but if I'm truly in love with him, should I be able to see myself marrying him eventually? I also feel as though, if we broke up, I would be able to go back to being very good friends with him, since that is how we started out. Is that a bad sign? So I am wondering if this means that I am, in fact, NOT in love with him. I know two months sounds like a very short time, but we live right down the hall from each other in college, and have been spending a great deal of each day with each other. So, counting all that time, it is like we have been dating for much longer than two months. And we have become closer to mirror that time. So does my inability to picture us together for a long period of time or as married, and my dislike of one part of his personality mean that I am not truly in love with him? Or is it a bad sign that I need to be careful of? Or is it just something that I can deal with, that isn't that big of a deal? This is a new experience for me, and I would greatly appreciate any input anyone has for me. Thank you very much for reading all the way through this long explanation. I just wanted to make sure you got the whole story. Again, thank you very much for any advice you might have. <>Rachel<>
4givrnt4gtr Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Hm...well judging from your age, the lenght of the relationship and the fact that he is your first boyfriend? No, you dont... And thats ok. It doesnt mean you have to let him go, if thats not what you want. Love doesnt just happen in a month or two. Love comes after seeing all his sides, and although you may not specially like a side of him, like you said, his card persona, the other sides are just fine to the point that his not so awesome side pale in comparison. One word of caution. You will NEVER have a perfect relationship. reason why is because there are no perfect humans. If you go into any relationship with the thought that he/it has to be perfect, unvariably they will fall short and you will start questioning, like you are right now. Your mother's mistakes were hers to make. You are a different person, and as long as you know exactly what you just cannot tolerate (like, maybe cheating, drugs, etc), then you will be fine. Relationships take compassion and understanding, and the sooner you learn that, the less heartaches you will have to face. Good luck!
EYECANDY000 Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 everyone have different personalities, traits, characteristics.. people bring out a diffeent side to everyone ( if that makes sense) Im glad that you notice that you dont want to be stuck in a marriage like your mom. But, because he has multiple characterustic I dont think you should see that as a sign that you dont want to be with him
Nevermind Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 to make sure I am in the perfect relationship There it is. That's the problem. See, there is no such thing as the perfect relationship. Not now, not ever. That doesn't mean that it can't be a happy relationship, or a great one. Relax. You like the boy he is when he is with you. Go for it, have your time with him. He doesn't sound like the nicest guy when playing cards? Well, never play cards with him. Relax, don't overthink things. Allow your feelings to grow, and if they do or don't you'll have your answer. Easy does the trick.
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