one more night i want to call but don't

[sedgwick]

I miss him so much, but I feel so determined to stay NC. It's really hard, but everyone on LS helps me. Knowing that there are a bunch of other people out there struggling through the holidays is comforting, even though i wish all of us were happy. I know that a bunch of us are going to bed tonight alone, wishing we were with the people who left us, wondering what they're doing, etc. But there's a certain comfort in knowing I can't know. All I can do is step out of the way and give him all the space he asked for.

 

I did the best I could with what I had. I was an awesome girlfriend. I always tried to let him know how much I loved him and believed in him. I was totally honest about my feelings, and I never played games with him. I worked really hard to be a good partner, but in the end he bailed anyway. It was easier to toss me aside than to examine why he felt he needed to destroy himself to play music.

 

I feel fairly certain I'll love him forever. I'm not interested in falling in love with anyone else. I hope that he eventually has all the space he needs and realizes what he's missing, and that he'll come back and find me then. If that's two years or five years or ten years from now, whatever. It's not like I don't have stuff to do in the meantime.

 

I just want him to figure out what he gave up. I guess that's what we all want, huh? Anyway, I'm going to bed with my cat now. And I'm going to try really hard not to feel sorry for myself, but instead to think about how I can run off and make a film and write another book now that I'm single, and I won't have to answer to anyone.

[s_n_d]

I feel fairly certain I'll love him forever. I'm not interested in falling in love with anyone else. I hope that he eventually has all the space he needs and realizes what he's missing, and that he'll come back and find me then. If that's two years or five years or ten years from now, whatever. It's not like I don't have stuff to do in the meantime.

 

I just want him to figure out what he gave up. I guess that's what we all want, huh?

 

I feel the exact same way.

I dont WANT anyone else. Ive had tons of guys throw themselves at me even a couple of days after my breakup with my ex but I dont care about any of them. I just want him.

 

Im dying to text or call him tomorrow when the clock strikes twelve. But im guessing everyone or nearly everyone on here is dying to do that too.

 

 

Haha My cat will be sleeping beside me tonight as well.

[CalamitousJane]

My small dog will attempt to get cozy with me, but I'm saving that place.

 

I wonder if this is a difficult night astrologically or something. Probably it's the impending New Year. A lot of LSers seem to be suffering especially hard, along with me and at least one of my flesh-and-blood friends.

 

Right now I'm again having feelings for the ex that I've never had in any relationship before and can never imagine having again.

 

I take some comfort in remembering how feelings have faded in the past. This time though, they've been the same shades of techni-color for a long, long time.

[D-Lish]

I have problems letting go and dealing with rejection.

It's always been a problem for me.

 

The NC rule is something I have tried to apply when someone leaves- especially after reading this forum. Sometimes it works- and sometime it doesn't.

 

I spoke to Legend about a guy I liked that left me a while go- which shocked me because I had felt he had string feelings for me. he suggested I text him on x-mas to say meery x-mas I miss you...

I thought afterward I had made a mistake... but low and behold 2 days later he answered me with a text saying he had just woken up from a dream about me... and that's all he said.

 

I am going to start a thread on what that text meant.

the point is- that sometimes staying silent can backfire.

 

Over communicating and bugging and pushing isn't the rigth approach- but a little reminder here and there might just give them the little nudge to bring about some latent/supressed feelings.

[s_n_d]

I have problems letting go and dealing with rejection.

It's always been a problem for me.

 

The NC rule is something I have tried to apply when someone leaves- especially after reading this forum. Sometimes it works- and sometime it doesn't.

 

I spoke to Legend about a guy I liked that left me a while go- which shocked me because I had felt he had string feelings for me. he suggested I text him on x-mas to say meery x-mas I miss you...

I thought afterward I had made a mistake... but low and behold 2 days later he answered me with a text saying he had just woken up from a dream about me... and that's all he said.

 

I am going to start a thread on what that text meant.

the point is- that sometimes staying silent can backfire.

 

Over communicating and bugging and pushing isn't the rigth approach- but a little reminder here and there might just give them the little nudge to bring about some latent/supressed feelings.

 

I have the same problems with rejection and letting go as you do. And i agree with what you say about giving them a little nudge every now and then..

[D-Lish]

I don't think it's a bad thing as long as it isn't going over board.

When someone I am on the fence about contacts me every once and a while- it puts thoughts of him back into my head.

[s_n_d]

Yeah thats true.

I think Id try to do anything at this point to try to get him to come back. I hate that I love him this much.

[sedgwick]

I hear ya, gals. I've been very strict about not contacting him, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I did. I just feel so strongly that it's for him to contact me. I thought he had strong feelings for me too, and up until the day he dumped me everything seemed really good -- I thought it was the best relationship I'd ever had. I wonder what he's doing tonight, tomorrow night -- I wonder where he is, who he's with. But that's not for me to know. He knows where I am if he wants to talk to me.

 

It's so hard. I miss him so much. But we will prevail, right? Eventually we have to get over them.

[D-Lish]

You can't choose who you love. It is that dilemma that often makes us feel helpless.

We can however control how we act, respond, deal with the situation. That is often a great way to gain some semblence of control when we feel like we are lacking some control in the process.

 

NC is a great way to take back control.

 

I think we have to understand when it is okay to make contact- and when it will do no good. I just had a feeling that this guy needed some reinforcement from me- and that is why I sent it.

 

Sometimes NC is the best way to deal with an ass-hole.

[s_n_d]

Yeah very true. We do have to get over them..

But Im not letting go of him just yet. I HAVE to show him that Ive changed first.

[D-Lish]

The best way to show someone you have changed is through actions- not words.

 

That is what holds water.

 

They want to witness the difference- not just given empty promises.

I have mad a vow. The next man that comes into my life that I truly like- I am not going to sabotage it. I am going to put myself out there.

 

Try doing the same!

[s_n_d]

I did that with my ex. I put myself out there and never sabotaged the relationship intentionally. Dunno what to do now.

Ill probably have to find a way to show him ive changed. Somehow. I never see him anymore so i cant SHOW him without words..

[s_n_d]

D-lish

 

Go to sleep!!!! I just read that your from Ontario too.

Im off to sleep. My dreams of the ex await..

[sedgwick]

I wish I was spending NYE with the guy who used to be my favorite person, but instead I'm spending it with my best friend, chocolate cake, and movies. Which is a pretty good night. I got invited to a couple of parties but I don't feel like going. I hope there will come a time when I want to meet other people, and when other guys are attractive to me. I'm so picky it only happens once in a great while that I'm really into someone. It felt so magical the way he and I found each other, but I guess he just wasn't feeling it like I was.

 

There's a way in which looking at this as a jail sentence is kind of helpful. I know that sounds crazy, but if you just say to yourself, okay, this is going to hurt a lot for a year, and during that year I just have to do whatever I can to survive, before long you find yourself almost six months out from the breakup (as I am now) and you realize that even though it still hurts like hell, and you still can't imagine being with anyone else, and you still think about them all the time, you're not as bad as you were six months ago. Think about how much better you are now than the day they dumped you. For the first week after he dumped me, I just wanted to die. I couldn't function. I couldn't eat or sleep, all I could do was cry. It was a Herculean effort to take a shower, or go to the store, or make a sandwich, or ANYTHING. Forget functioning at work; I took the whole week off. I'm definitely better than that now. I'm working, and I'm being at least somewhat productive, and I just had a good lunch. So I know, it has been scientifically proven to me, that in six months' time you DO get better.

 

I'm telling myself that during this year I can do whatever I want. I shouldn't even think about dating. It's freeing to make peace with being alone. It's really nice to spend a winter evening curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book and a cup of tea. It's fun to make things -- I love to knit and crochet and sew, and it's great to have a whole weekend in which to start and finish a project. I can easily kill two days making clothes and watching endless reruns of Project Runway. I don't have to feel guilty at all for taking the time to do that. And I think about all my artist friends with kids and how they would give anything to have a whole weekend to themselves to make art!

 

I can travel, and I have. Learning you can travel alone is great. It makes you feel so strong. And it forces you to meet people, and you end up making friends.

 

I also made a really fun New Year's resolution, and I feel genuinely excited about it -- and god knows that's improved; I didn't feel excited about ANYTHING six months ago. I've found an adult gymnastics class! I was a gymnast as a kid and loved it, and I'm still really flexible. I think I could relearn some of the stuff I used to do -- like, how fun was it to swing on the bars? It was a blast. I would love to be able to do a salto again, or a back handspring. I know that if I can achieve that, I will feel really good about being 36 years old. I just keep trying to think of things to do with myself during this one year "jail sentence," and all of NYC is my oyster. You can study things here you can't study anywhere else. I need to take advantage of that, and that's what I'm determined to do this year!

[lovesparis]

Learning you can travel alone is great.

 

yes it is. it is an awesome thing to tell people that you've travelled around the world, or even your own country, alone. the looks on their faces are priceless.