forbidden fruit Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 What was I thinking that I could actually be friends with xmm. Before he left on trip he asked if I would take care of his pets. Well his W was there so I said yes. They were fighting right before that because they has nowhere to leave them. Anyways fast forward a week and today he came over to pick them up. Of course he comes over and sits right down and talks to my H and I like we are all one big happy family. He mentions something about not being able to tolerate liars and I almost fell out of my chair. He proceeds to go on about all his problems and the whole time I am thinking what am I going to say to him to let him know he is never to step foot in my house again. How he can he cannot tolerate lying and cheating from his kids when that is what the two of us are. Should I call him and tell him friends is not going to work out . Also I forgot to mention when he walked in he said sorry did not get you anything for taking care of my pet. Did I really expect him to do anything plus I know he did not do anything for me on purpose and that just infuriates me. Did he really think it is cool to come over and shoot the sh*** with my H and I like the past is the past. Since my H let him back in how do I let him out? I have cried wolf so many times I am afraid he would not take me seriously.
Gwyneth Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Does your husband know you had an affair with this man? You did him a favor, but don't expect him to return the favor. He probably has no manners--what the heck, he cheated on his wife and had an affair and says he cannot tolerate Liars? HEllo!!!! Does he not know he's a liar? Sounds like he was trying to make some kind of point with the whole convo he had with you and your husband. I wouldn't let him know he made you angry because that was probably what he wanted--for you to be angry. You did him a favor and in return, he made you angry. What a jerk. I don't even know what to suggest, other than do not tell him he made you angry because me thinks he wanted to make you angry.
Author forbidden fruit Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Does your husband know you had an affair with this man? You did him a favor, but don't expect him to return the favor. He probably has no manners--what the heck, he cheated on his wife and had an affair and says he cannot tolerate Liars? HEllo!!!! Does he not know he's a liar? Sounds like he was trying to make some kind of point with the whole convo he had with you and your husband. I wouldn't let him know he made you angry because that was probably what he wanted--for you to be angry. You did him a favor and in return, he made you angry. What a jerk. I don't even know what to suggest, other than do not tell him he made you angry because me thinks he wanted to make you angry. I don't think he was doing it on purpose not giving me a gift was on purpose. I am beginning to think he does not think he did anything wrong and if he did anything wrong it is in the past.
whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 There isn't anything you can do. To be honest, your husband took it upon himself, thinking that he was helping you - To make peace between you and the exMM - Which is why the guy is friendly again. All you can do is ignore him. Next time he comes into your house, leave the room and let your husband hang out with him. If and when your husband asks why you're acting funny around exMM, just tell him you don't like him and don't feel comfortable around him anymore. Hate to say it, but the time has passed to tell your husband the full truth. Don't do anymore favours for exMM, if he asks, say NO. You don't owe him any explanation either. The exMM is going to do what he wants, so you can either learn to ignore him and not care at all, or let it bug you.
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Hey FF you made your own hell, only you can break it. If he disgusts you so much tell your husband the whole truth and end this hurtful charade unless you like torture. Because this guy is not a good human being. He wont leave you alone, he keeps torturing you. Did you ever think you'd be his one and only affair? He's probably done more. I feel sorry for his wife if she doesnt know. Only u can end it. Good luck,
Author forbidden fruit Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Hey FF you made your own hell, only you can break it. If he disgusts you so much tell your husband the whole truth and end this hurtful charade unless you like torture. Because this guy is not a good human being. He wont leave you alone, he keeps torturing you. Did you ever think you'd be his one and only affair? He's probably done more. I feel sorry for his wife if she doesnt know. Only u can end it. Good luck, He says i was his one and only A, but then again he told me alot of things that turne out to be all lies. Why does he want torture me. Just curious what you think?
whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Why? Because he knows how to push your buttons so you will react and focus, and think about him. That's why. When he is around, act like you don't give a crap. Even if it kills you, do this. You HAVE try to make him so unimportant, worse than a piece of ***** on your shoe...No reaction. He wants you to think about him, wonder and analzye everything that he does, that's why he's in your face so much and taking advantage of the fact your husband spoke to him about the friendship and being buddy's again.
Author forbidden fruit Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Why? Because he knows how to push your buttons so you will react and focus, and think about him. That's why. When he is around, act like you don't give a crap. Even if it kills you, do this. You HAVE try to make him so unimportant, worse than a piece of ***** on your shoe...No reaction. He wants you to think about him, wonder and analzye everything that he does, that's why he's in your face so much and taking advantage of the fact your husband spoke to him about the friendship and being buddy's again. You are so right as usual!!!! Does this give some type of control . Why does he want me to think about him?
StillSame Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 FF, why do you keep ignoring people's advice that you should come clean with your Husband about your affair?
Author forbidden fruit Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 FF, why do you keep ignoring people's advice that you should come clean with your Husband about your affair? What makes you think i am ignoring it. On the contrary that is all I think about. So do not presume to know what I am thinking.
Gwyneth Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I don't think he was doing it on purpose not giving me a gift was on purpose. I am beginning to think he does not think he did anything wrong and if he did anything wrong it is in the past. Ahhh, but most men don't admit they're wrong. The MM I'm with one day doesn't think our affair is wrong, then the next day does. INDECISIVE!!!! Why are you so upset he didn't give you a gift? Why did you expect one, because you watched his pets? His wife could have given you a gift too, you know. I am not sure if men automatically know they should buy a gift for doing them a favor. I think that's more of a feminine thing, so be angry with his wife also!
Author forbidden fruit Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Ahhh, but most men don't admit they're wrong. The MM I'm with one day doesn't think our affair is wrong, then the next day does. INDECISIVE!!!! Why are you so upset he didn't give you a gift? Why did you expect one, because you watched his pets? His wife could have given you a gift too, you know. I am not sure if men automatically know they should buy a gift for doing them a favor. I think that's more of a feminine thing, so be angry with his wife also! He knew what he was doing because he said sorry did get you wine or something. Yes his W did not either, but she wanted to leave pets at home he was the one who wante someone to take care of them. I guess it is moe manipulation on his part.
Gwyneth Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 He knew what he was doing because he said sorry did get you wine or something. Yes his W did not either, but she wanted to leave pets at home he was the one who wante someone to take care of them. I guess it is moe manipulation on his part. What kind of pets and how many?
underpants Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 He mentions something about not being able to tolerate liars and I almost fell out of my chair. I know you don't want to hear it but I really think your H knows more then you are giving him credit for. They probably did discuss some things and this little remark was a 2 guy jab at you.
OWoman Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 How he can he cannot tolerate lying and cheating from his kids when that is what the two of us are. FF - I think that's the difference. He sees his kids as being not on a par with him, so he can make those demands and they must simply comply. He does not consider himself in that category - he's no one's "lesser" - so he doesn't "owe" them honesty. Yes, it's a double standard. And one based on notions of power and status that suck. Should I call him and tell him friends is not going to work out . No. Engaging with him on this AT ALL is not in your interests. If you ignore him and exclude him and avoid him, he'll be more likely to get the message than if you provide him with an opportunity to manipulate you and engage.
chasingrainbows25 Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 You said above "Why is he torturing me like this"? My only question is, Why are you allowing him to torture you? For goodness sakes, it seems like you are playing some sort of weird mind game with your H as the pawn. Get over yourself and give your H the respect he deserves and stop entertaining any thoughts about this XMM and start focusing on looking after your M instead of someone else pets. Harsh I know but as long as you continue to have contact with this xmm it will damage your relationship with your H. You cant be friends if his agenda suggests something different. Stand up, tell him no more and close the door on this xmm for good. Just my tuppence
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 He says i was his one and only A, but then again he told me alot of things that turne out to be all lies. Why does he want torture me. Just curious what you think? He's torturing you because he's a smary, sadistic and little prick! that's why. Some people take satisfaction in other people's pain. On the inside he's smiling. Going man, I just banged his fine wife all up in her bootyhole and he has no idea, he's a chump. Trust me I know... Anyway's listen he's getting off on it because you are the only one keeping it going. He perceives you as a weak woman, you had sex with him and yet you still dont acknowledge it fully. You wont tell your husband the full truth because maybe your afraid of the reprecussions. But you put yourself in that own situation!!! Now that being said. Stop being afraid of what will happen. Do you want the drama constant. Do you want your mind to keep you up at night. Do you like guilt about the whole affair and your refusal to stand up to it. Face it. Man the hell up. What is stopping YOU, from tell this guy to stop coming over your house. Trust me, I've met my share of women in life that have done what they needed to do, and if that meant ignoring a guy because he's out of line they will do it to they're grave. Stop being weak and put your foot down.
silktricks Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Just my opinion, but I don't think that he (the MM) thinks he's torturing you. I think for him it's just over. Since it's over for him he's fine acting as if nothing happened --- because for him, it's like nothing happened! I think that most of what you think is going on with him - isn't. It's what is going on with you that you need to take care of, anyway, though. Stop reacting to the guy. Do what OWoman said and just ignore him. Act as if he doesn't exist. You just keep on messing with your own head. You need to stop that.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Just my opinion, but I don't think that he (the MM) thinks he's torturing you. I think for him it's just over. Since it's over for him he's fine acting as if nothing happened --- because for him, it's like nothing happened! I think that most of what you think is going on with him - isn't. It's what is going on with you that you need to take care of, anyway, though. Stop reacting to the guy. Do what OWoman said and just ignore him. Act as if he doesn't exist. You just keep on messing with your own head. You need to stop that. It's not just in her head, it's guilt that's manifesting! Bottom line she wants to relieve herself of that guilt , she needs to be honest with her H. Get this toxic OM outta your house and outta your life for good. It's all up to you.
Mino Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Tackle his a.. in th yard next time you see him alone, slam him to the ground, tell him if he dosesnt back off you WILL TELL his WIFE the TRUTH. Say it like you mean it!!!!
Mino Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 He's torturing you because he's a smary, sadistic and little prick! that's why. Some people take satisfaction in other people's pain. On the inside he's smiling. Going man, I just banged his fine wife all up in her bootyhole and he has no idea, he's a chump. Trust me I know... Anyway's listen he's getting off on it because you are the only one keeping it going. He perceives you as a weak woman, you had sex with him and yet you still dont acknowledge it fully. You wont tell your husband the full truth because maybe your afraid of the reprecussions. But you put yourself in that own situation!!! Now that being said. Stop being afraid of what will happen. Do you want the drama constant. Do you want your mind to keep you up at night. Do you like guilt about the whole affair and your refusal to stand up to it. Face it. Man the hell up. What is stopping YOU, from tell this guy to stop coming over your house. Trust me, I've met my share of women in life that have done what they needed to do, and if that meant ignoring a guy because he's out of line they will do it to they're grave. Stop being weak and put your foot down. I think you are right on the money!!! He is getting off on this. Feeds his ego even more
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Tackle his a.. in th yard next time you see him alone, slam him to the ground, tell him if he dosesnt back off you WILL TELL his WIFE the TRUTH. Say it like you mean it!!!! He knows she'll never do that mino. She has threatened him before. Besides, if she does threatened him, you have to know HE may say screw it and tell HER husband the truth. The best way right now is for her to IGNORE HIM and learn to shut off her feelings, fake it until she feels nothing and doesn't give a crap about him at all anymore.
Mino Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 He knows she'll never do that mino. She has threatened him before. Besides, if she does threatened him, you have to know HE may say screw it and tell HER husband the truth. The best way right now is for her to IGNORE HIM and learn to shut off her feelings, fake it until she feels nothing and doesn't give a crap about him at all anymore. ok, how about she turns the table for a bit. Maybe she needs to stand in front of his door with cupcakes! Make friends with the wife, Be at HIS house when he gets home from work, socializing with his wife. Be Overely anice to him, think he will back off? I say just tell your husband the truth. Fess up to all of it. Its worth it to take this mans power away. Then March over then and blow up his world,
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