slim255 Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) Hi, I posted a few weeks ago, about my g/f who I met of a dating site wanting to go to the airport to pickup this guy that she had met off the dating site before me and were “just friends” Most of you thought it was a bad idea, she didn’t go and get him in the end, I let her read what you guys said and she was very upset with me for posting that stuff online. Over the xmas break I went away with my family, she went up and stayed with hers, this guy (will name him John) lives about 25 min away from where she was staying, she told me a few weeks ago that she was going possum shooting with John when he was back in the country, her and her dad were going with him. Anyway on Tuesday she told me her and her dad were going possum shooting with John on Friday, I was not that happy with the idea but didn’t say anything. We were txting each other Thursday night until about 7pm was the last message I got from her, 11pm when I went to bed I sent her a txt goodnight, I never got a reply so an hour later I rung her with no answer, rung a few times more with no answer, got a txt from her at 3am, called her and she had been out possum shooting with John, I asked her why she didn’t txt me to let me know as I was quite worried about her as I hadn’t heard from her a quite a few hours, she told me it was a spare of the moment thing and just didn’t think to txt me (I cant understand that)?? The next day she went out again with her dad and John as planed, that night I drove back home and was home by 10pm, had a txt from her in the morning telling me how the shooting went and she wanted to know what I was up to these next two days as I was home two days early, I told her I was cleaning my section up today and tomorrow going to visit Siobhan, shes a girl I met off that dating site before I met my g/f, Siobhan lives about an hour drive from me. My g/f was really wiled with me because I was not going to see her but going to see Siobhan instead, she told me she thought (well f*** him) ill go do something with my day then, so she sent John a txt to see what he was upto and ended up going fishing with him. She told me she only went and spent time with him cause she was upset with me. She told me all of this when she got home about 9pm She told me that the night I drove home that’s the night she went shooting with John and her dad, she was wanting me to drive on through to her parents so I could see her, she said she would have cancelled the shooting if I was coming, I asked her why she didn’t tell me she wanted me to come she told me cause she thought I was pissed off with her, a couple of times during the day I told her that I hoped she enjoys the shoot tonight (she told she saw that as me being upset) She knows that im not happy with her spending time with him and how its been really messing with my mind and our relationship. So we had a talk yesturday, I told her I was not happy with her spending time with him like she has been, its ok every so often if me her and John go and do something but im not happy with them going out alone. She told me that her mum was upset with her going fishing with John because im her b/f and its not right. I said to my g/f well if its not right why do you keep doing it, she told me she didn’t know just that she enjoyed doing things with him, I told her its stuffing up our relationship, told her it was all going good before he came back, told her its really messing with my mind and I cant handle it. I asked her what was more important to her, a guy she has spend 6 days with or someone she has been with for two months and tells me shes falling in love with me, she thought about it and said “us I guess” I was a bit shocked at that “I guess” she said she didn’t mean it like that. I told her she needs to make up her mind what she wants to do and whats more important to her, she asked me if I had her stuff, she left some of her things at my place and we were talking about splitting up the day before so she asked me to bring her stuff, well she thought I was going to split up with her. Anyway I told her I had her stuff and asked her if she wanted me to get it out of the car, she said “soon” I said something to her, I think I told her she needs to make up her mind, cant quite remember. She got the mobile phone I gave her and started taking the sim card out of it as she was going to give it back to me, so I went off to the car to get her stuff and when I got back she was crying, I gave her a hug, I ended up staying the night, in the morning just before she left for work she gave me a kiss and said she would come home after work for a sleep then she would drive down and see me (we planed to spend new years together) I really like her but don’t know what to do, she tells me shes falling in love with me loves spending her time with me but still wants to see John even though its not doing me or the relationship any good. I just cat make sense of it, why would she want to keep seeing him if she knows its upset someone shes falling in love with and our relationship? John is going back over seas for two months in two weeks time, she keeps telling me she has no feelings for him, she just enjoys being friends with him. She talks to him about all of this and I think she trys to make me out as the bad guy to him Edited December 31, 2007 by slim255
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Slim - I very much remember your last posting. Here are my thoughts: 1- I think it was awesome that you told her how upset this friendship makes you. Good for you for standing up for yourself. 2 - I do think she has feelings for John, sadly. I do believe she has feelings for you as well, but I also think she's conflicted. The fact that she shares your conversations with him is also way wrong.
Legend Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 You can do better man... You don't need this drama in your life.
oppath Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) Women: if a guy meets you online, or really any place other than a work environment, if he is asking to meet you solo without establishing rapport through groups of people -- such as inviting you out to the bar with a group of people -- you have to assume the guy has interest. Most men will tell you that they are not going to try to hang out with a girl they met off a dating site, or a girl they met anywhere period, unless they have some kind of interest. It doesn't mean they will make a move, it just means they are interested in some way the vast majority of the time. If they have established rapport over time through work, a club, a sport, a class, through groups of friends, the above goes out the window and the guy may be JUST a friend. But 4 out of 5 guys, if they are trying to hang out with you, and they don't know you yet, it is because they are interested. To the OP: you know this. You know the main reason this guy wants to hang out with her is to lay the ground work in case she ends it with you. Why? Because that is what you would be hoping for in a similar situation. It doesn't mean you would make a move or do anything inappropriate or that you wouldn't also just enjoy her company. But the bottom line is that this is NOT a friend. It is a random guy. He wanted to date her only recently. If they are to hang out, you should be included. On the other hand, this is such a young relationship. Perhaps both of you agreed to exclusivity a few weeks too soon. You still don't know each other. It doesn't really matter though. It doesn't matter if you've been exclusive for 2 weeks, 2 months, or two years. If you agree to it, you treat your partner in a manner that respects their feelings and you don't enter any potentially compromising situations. I realize I lot of women would disagree with this, but just realize if a guy you don't know is trying to spend time with you one-on-one, it's essentially a date. Most guys operate under the perspective "she wants my cock until proven otherwise." At least I do. Error on the side of caution that any new man is interested until proven otherwise. Edited December 31, 2007 by oppath
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I realize I lot of women would disagree with this, but just realize if a guy you don't know is trying to spend time with you one-on-one, it's essentially a date. Most guys operate under the perspective "she wants my cock until proven otherwise." At least I do. Error on the side of caution that any new man is interested until proven otherwise. Oh no, O. I FULLY agree with you on this. I think a woman would be totally naive to think that a man goes into a dynamic thinking "friends" only. We know you all are trying to reach the holy grail, and if kicked into friendzone, so be it, but you have your eye on the prize initially.... Look how Harry and Sally ended up?
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 slim255, This girl sounds like she is already ready to split with you and will fall into the hands of John. I don't think this girl is worth it in my opinion, she is hurting you and not respecting your feelings by hanging with this guy still! What she is doing is very wrong! You gave her a choice and sounds as though she has made her mind up. I suggest you don't contact her - When John goes away for 2 weeks she will proberbly contact you - she is playing with your heart and head. Drop her like a ton of bricks imo.
Author slim255 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Hi, She came down lastnight for the night, and to spend today with me. Lunch time she told me shes going home and splitting up with me, told me shes really confused and cant keep doing this to me, she said it has nothing to do with John (yeah right) Told me she couldn’t just stop being friends with John, I asked her, so you’d rather split up with me than stop being friends with him, she didn’t reply She cried, gave me a kiss and hug then left. So its all over, still rather confused about everything, how she can tell me she falling in love with me, she crys when I leave her house in the mornings, tells me how much she misses me, gave me a xmas card telling me hows shes looking forward to spending 2008 with me, then wants to spend time with this other guy.
spookie Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Blah:sick:. People are confusing. I think the bottom line is, you didn't deserve the way she's been treating you. It doesn't matter WHY she was treating you that way, what is going on in her head, why else is involved in your relationship or how much she cares/cared. Right now, she's incapable of being a good enough girlfriend that this relationship wouldn't' cause both of you major stress. You'll be ok. You sounds like a great guy with a good head on his shoulders, and I promise you there are women looking for that. One day you'll find the right one.
jcster Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 You are texting this woman 4 or 5 times a day. There's a HUGE power disparity in your relationship, and it's not in your favor. She's playing you, and you are buying it. Move on.
Author slim255 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 4 or 5 times a day? try 20 to 50 times a day.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 (edited) Told me she couldn’t just stop being friends with John She has been dating you for 2 months and would rather split with you than end a friendship with a guy she has known for erm...how long? If she wanted to be with you then she would end the friendship with this John guy. If she had known this guy for over 2 years or something then I would understand why she would not like to end the friendship. But still... Edited January 1, 2008 by BlueEyedSarah
Jilly Bean Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Aw...I am sorry it turned out this way, Slim. To ease your confusion on it, here is what happened: I don't doubt that she meant what she said to you, and that she does have genuine feelings for you. HOWEVER, all of that was clouded when someone she had a connection with in the past materialized and she had an opportunity to test drive him in person (John). She became conflicted, didn't want to hurt you, but knew that she really wanted to give him a go. My take? When he goes back overseas she will contact you again. Again, sorry.
Author slim255 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Aw...I am sorry it turned out this way, Slim. To ease your confusion on it, here is what happened: I don't doubt that she meant what she said to you, and that she does have genuine feelings for you. HOWEVER, all of that was clouded when someone she had a connection with in the past materialized and she had an opportunity to test drive him in person (John). She became conflicted, didn't want to hurt you, but knew that she really wanted to give him a go. My take? When he goes back overseas she will contact you again. Again, sorry. She had already met him before he went away, they spend 3 days together, she never knew he liked her until he was over seas, she told him that she liked him but if someone else came along she wasn’t going to wait. I do wonder if she will contact me when he goes back over seas but id be silly to get back with her because it would all happen again when he was back for good, right? It just hurts that she tells me all this stuff, shes falling in love with me shes so happy with me, she txts me all the time saying how much she misses me and cant wait to see me, she was even hinting about moving in with me. And then she goes off and does stuff with this guy. Something I just remembered, not sure if it means anything, we were talking on the phone the other night about all of this and she told me that the first night after she saw him she thought to herself “im so happy im with slim” she did txt me at 3am after she got home and said she wished she was with me.
Jilly Bean Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Slim, she's FOS. Yes, you would be a fool to ever get back with her, IMO (and a complete and total pussy to boot). She latches onto the "guy du moment". Who wants someone like that? And if she was in love with you, and some guy could come in and two weeks later cause her to dump you to be with him, then it wasn't any kind of real love, hon. She's a flake, a bad chick - just not worth the energy anymore for to even put thoughts her way. I just mean when he goes back overseas, and she is once again lonely, she will try and pick at you again. Hopefully you will have the strength to tell her to screw. Dumping someone for someone else is just a horrible way to go out on someone, and from what you say, you in no way deserved any of it. Let her go be his problem now. Because don't think for a second how she treated you, will be any differently than how she treats him. Happy New Year to you, Slim, and wishing you a new chick soon!
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 he told me a few weeks ago that she was going possum shooting with John..... Who shoots poor little possums? Geeeezzzzz
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Who shoots poor little possums? Geeeezzzzz A guy who walks into girls relationships and breaks them up. Wonder how many more hearts he has broken.
oppath Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 It's not his fault, it's hers. It's easy to say "I committed to someone so given how we met, I don't think it would be fair for him for us to be friends. I wish you the best of luck."
EYECANDY000 Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 I think the first mistake was showing her this site haha Although I am in a relationship and of course most of my post is about him , and I assure you I have addressed all my concerns I posted to him.. I wouldnt show him what site or better yet my sn . I think this is one of the sites I would keep sacred because it keeps me sane and I can relate to a lot of people and know iM not the only one going through these feelings or problems. With that said, Im not sure that this girl is really serious about the relationship if she is constantly meeting new guys and dont see a problem with it. She wants you to be ok with her going fishing, and shooting and whatever else with new guys.. These arent existing guys who was there before you! these are guys she is meeting online and hanging out with. I usully dont say this, But I would dump this girl! you have only been together for a couple of months .. Save yourself the headache
Author slim255 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Apparently she dropped him off at the airport (hes off for 6 weeks) and they decided when he comes back they will get together. I saw on her bebo shes in a relationship and shes off on a long road trip with him when he gets back. Was sort of shocked when I saw it but im feeling beta now, guess it has now made me realize I have to get over her.
oppath Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Don't worry about it. It has nothing to do with you. You did a healthy thing. You recognized this was wrong, and you came on LS to confirm, and you stood your ground. Your boundaries were right so next time, enforce them more tightly. Like I said, it doesn't matter if you've been exclusive for 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years, once you agree to exclusivity, make sure you are treated in a way that meets your definition of a healthy relationship. If your gut says something is wrong, don't go ape**** on her, but pay attention to it and don't let her tell you you are insecure or jealous, etc. You had every right to be concerned here. So next time, assert yourself and say "no, I don't think that is right."
Author slim255 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Its just so hard to understand right now, her saying how she felt about me just over a week ago (falling in love and so on), and then moving on so fast. I dont get it.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Its just so hard to understand right now, her saying how she felt about me just over a week ago (falling in love and so on), and then moving on so fast. I dont get it. It doesnt matter really. I think you dodged a bullet with this girl... she isn't worth much in my opinion. But to answer your question... she seems like the shopper type... always looking for a better deal. When you come across as too easy or too available, that lowers your worth in her eyes. So she goes chasing after a guy who is more of a challege, as getting him provides a larger self esteem boost.
Author slim255 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 I just dont know How I can trust what the next girl says to me, she was so convincing and seemd like a lovly girl. I sent her a text lastnight when i found out and asked her why she strung me along and didnt tell me the trust, she told me she didnt string me along and everything that happend was real. Thats so crap, if she was falling in love with me she wouldnt be over me this fast!
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I just dont know How I can trust what the next girl says to me, she was so convincing and seemd like a lovly girl. I sent her a text lastnight when i found out and asked her why she strung me along and didnt tell me the trust, she told me she didnt string me along and everything that happend was real. Thats so crap, if she was falling in love with me she wouldnt be over me this fast! That's the point bro! You need to learn to spot this type of girl early. There are always signs. Many women like this are inconstant and change with the wind. Yeah... she probably did have feelings for you, but she is the type that never stops shopping... and she thinks she found a better deal. So... don't blindly trust the next one. Watch the interplay between words and actions.
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