crazyinlove4her Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I am crazy in love with my lover, and best friend. I cant imagine being without her. My delima is I dont think she is in love with me. I'm pretty sure about that. Do I tell her? She knows I love her, and she often says she loves me. I hear about relationships not working if one partner is in love and the other just loves but not in love. But how can both parties fall in love at the same time? surely one falls first and then the other? How long could that take for her, if ever? I'm afraid that if I tell her the truth she will leave me if she is not ready to be in love with me. I cant bear to be without her. I need help -- please advise, but please dont just tell me to tell her cos that is my fear. How can I tell her without her running away? You see she has been unable to commit previously and it ended that way and I dont want to be the next broken heart. What can I do?
Somedude Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 The only thing I think you should do is be straight up with her. The longer you put it off, the harder any potential dissapointment will be. I was hung up with a gal for about a year. She said she had feelings for me, i told her I had feelings for her, yet she was in a LDR. I finally told her I cant go on being just friends, knowing how much time I'm wasting with potential other girls. Her response? Hope you find what it is you're looking for. The longer you put off your feelings for a lady and stick around her, becoming the boyfriend is highly unlikely and you'll get the 'he's such a good friend' card. Kind of rambling a bit, but be honest, as basic and (perhaps) tough as it sounds.
polywog Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Yeah, Somedude is right. I've had a recent experience like yours. We were both infatuated, and perhaps even both in love, and he was also my best friend, and I was his, even after a few months together. But he needed to be on his own to deal with some heavy duty stuff, so we parted.... though we still talk, and I've dealt with it pretty well. It sucks, but we put our cards on the table. It was better than the pain that unrequited love caused me, and I realize that I need to love someone who loves me back the way I love him. I still love him, but I just have to trust in fate and let it go for now. I think you would be wise and brave to do the same... let her know what you feel, take the risk. It's better to know where you stand, even if it's not what you want to hear.
Rooster_DAR Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 In my experience it's hard to get two people 2 fall in love at the same time. I'm sure there are people that say it happens, but the complexity of love and commitment are built through time more than anything.
LovesDog Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 but the complexity of love and commitment are built through time more than anything. I really hope that this is true I'm depending on it!
HokeyReligions Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 How long are you willing to wait for her? What are your priorities? If you tell her and she says she is not in love with you and doesn't know if or when she might be - is that going to end it for you? Is it all or nothing? Or are you willing to have a frank discussion with her and tell her that you are falling in love with her and ask if she thinks it is possible for her to feel the same way and not end the relationship but give it another year before talking again to see if her, or your, feelings change? And work at keeping the relationship going with NO pressure? Think about your needs and wants and hopes and then give her time to think about hers - don't lay it on her and expect a response right away - she will need time to think about it too. Don't have a discussion out of panic or pure emotion - know yourself first and then have a rational conversation with her.
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