Confused in FLA Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Girl A: Been together for 2.5 years. She is awesome. Very pretty, smart, funny, etc. She has a great head on her shoulders and is planning on attending law school as soon as she finishes her B.A. We get along great, with the occasional fight. She will do just about anything to please me, but it sometimes feel like something is missing. I love her very much. Girl B: Known her for about 1.5 years. I actually dated her for about 5 months while me and Girl A were on a little break. We got along awesome. I don't think I've ever click with someone so easily and quickly. I developed very strong feelings for her, but she has several character traits that I don't like in a girlfriend. She is friends with several people I work with, and text messages them. She hooked up with one of the guys I work with, who I am very good friends with. She goes out a lot more than Girl A, wears pretty slutty clothes, and has a ton of guy friends. My dilemma is I am in a very loving and committed relationship with Girl A. I still have feelings for Girl B, but in my mind I keep telling myself Girl A is a much better "wifey material" long-term girl than Girl B would be. I just can't help how well and how fast Girl B and I clicked when we started dating. I actually feel like Girl B understands me more as a person, and we are more on the same page together. What I'm really asking is how to I know what decision to make, and how can I make it appear more clear to myself. I'm almost 26 years old, I'm a professional, I have a lot going for myself, and I am looking to settle down with the right person within the next 4-5 years. Can anyone help shed some light on my situation?
LovesDog Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 The only reason you are interested in Girl B is because you are thinking that the grass is greener on......you know? Sounds to me like you are already in the right place. Girl B won't likely be your answer...what are you thinking?!
Author Confused in FLA Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 All of my friends, including my buddies at work who know both girls, and my good friend who actually hooked up with Girl B said I would be a freaking idiot to leave Girl A. Girl B is very flirty and goes out a lot, which is something I don't value too much in a serious girlfriend. A lot of my friends feel they could hook up with Girl B if they really tried, however, you find a single person who thinks Girl A would ever give them the time of day because she is 100% in love and committed with me. I guess I know Girl A is a much better choice, and I am very in love with her, but I just can't get Girl B off my mind. Whenever I see her, or we talk or hang out, it just feels sooooo good. I don't freaking understand it, and I can't stop thinking about her. I wish someone could just make me see the light, you know?
EYECANDY000 Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 So what exactly your problem with girl A? I didnt hear any negatives.. and you only had like one positive thing to say about girl b
Author Confused in FLA Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 Girl A and I seem to fight more than I would like, and we seem to break up every so often, just for a day or two, then get right back together. When I dated Girl B, we never fought, clicked amazingly well, and just seemed to get along great together. I'm just really confused.
Jilly Bean Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I think you should pick neither, and go find someone more appropriate. You are trying to "force" yourself to ignore the signs that girl A is not the one, and yet girl B is clearly not ready for anything serious. But, why do you have to make a choice between only these two? You are 26! Do you have to get married by the end of the year to inherit money or something? Seriously, at your age, I don't know why you feel so limited in your choices. Picking either of them will mean you will be back here in 10 years ranting about how much you hate living with either. Do everyone involved a favor - forget them both, and go find someone more appropriate.
Phateless Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I think you should pick neither, and go find someone more appropriate. You are trying to "force" yourself to ignore the signs that girl A is not the one, and yet girl B is clearly not ready for anything serious. But, why do you have to make a choice between only these two? You are 26! Do you have to get married by the end of the year to inherit money or something? Seriously, at your age, I don't know why you feel so limited in your choices. Picking either of them will mean you will be back here in 10 years ranting about how much you hate living with either. Do everyone involved a favor - forget them both, and go find someone more appropriate. Agreed. I think you are fascinated by girl B because you are just plain bored with girl A, despite the fact that you love her. There, I said it. Nobody else was gonna... You're attracted to the fun, partying lifestyle that girl B lives, but she's not the one either and you'll realize that pretty quickly. If you're that restless with girl A, you guys might not make it long-term because the restlessness will only grow. Take a year or two and be single, hook up with some random party-girls, and then find someone who's marriage material.
reelwoman Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I think you should pick neither, and go find someone more appropriate. You are trying to "force" yourself to ignore the signs that girl A is not the one, and yet girl B is clearly not ready for anything serious. But, why do you have to make a choice between only these two? You are 26! Do you have to get married by the end of the year to inherit money or something? Seriously, at your age, I don't know why you feel so limited in your choices. Picking either of them will mean you will be back here in 10 years ranting about how much you hate living with either. Do everyone involved a favor - forget them both, and go find someone more appropriate. I think Jilly is really onto something here. you are young young young! Even if you don't feel that you are, trust me---you do NOT have to decide between these 2. First of all, no matter how right something is, you will ALWAYS feel attracted to other people--that's just reality. Second, if you feel something is missing with Girl A, then she's not the one for you---and that DOESN'T mean that Girl b IS either! these just happen to be the 2 women you're into right now. No big deal. Do what feels right to you now. These distinctions between women that are the "marrying" kind or not are just stupid, outdated, sexist, and ridiculous. The person who's right for you is a person who makes you feel the most yourself in all ways and who you feel comfortable with, and at the same time, excited and challenged by. Neither of these women is it for you, and that's FINE. don't rush into anything. When it's the right person, you won't have to worry about committing because you'll just BE committed without even trying. Relax, breathe, enjoy. And trust me-----26 is way too young to start panicking about finding the "right" person. YOU are going to grow and change so much that your idea of what's right for you will change too.
Author Confused in FLA Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 So do you guys suggest I break up with Girl A? That would be so hard. I went through another break up with a girl I was with for 4 years, and we lived together. That was so hard, and I remember being depressed for months. I think everyones suggestions are great, and I really appreciate the open honesty. I'm really seeking guidance, and I appreciate everyones openess.
reelwoman Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I don't think you need to break up with Girl A, but just try to be honest with yourself and with her. A relationship doesn't have to end just because it may not lead to something permanent. I think all relationships are like a journey---you go as far as you can with that person, and you learn what you can learn with them and from them for as long as it seems to be productive and fulfilling. If it feels like a worthwhile journey regardless of the destination, there's no reason to end it. What do you think she wants from the relationship? Does she want more commitment?
Green Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 well it sounds like your looking for a reason to leave girl A... maybe girl B isnt the right girl for you, but you do sound like you want her... I say go after her even though the future may be stormy... or Break up with girl A and look for girl C... and date girl B for a while and come back when you have girl C dilema and A is just a back story
Phateless Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 So do you guys suggest I break up with Girl A? That would be so hard. I went through another break up with a girl I was with for 4 years, and we lived together. That was so hard, and I remember being depressed for months. I think everyones suggestions are great, and I really appreciate the open honesty. I'm really seeking guidance, and I appreciate everyones openess. It sounds like you want to but you're afraid to go through it. Had my ex gf of 5 years not broken up with me, I would never have done it. I was too scared. She fell in love with someone else and I think that's the only reason she had the courage to do it. Getting over her was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. It took most of a year. Now I'm having a blast being single, and I miss having someone, but I don't miss her. Are you sure that what's missing in your life is relationship-related? Perhaps it's something else? How restless are you now? Can you foresee it getting worse? Possibly to the point of being 50, buying a sports-car, and cheating on your wife? (girl A)
mistieyed Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 it seems as though if it is that difficult to choose which you want to be with, neither would be a good choice. good luck.
Author Confused in FLA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 I don't think you need to break up with Girl A, but just try to be honest with yourself and with her. A relationship doesn't have to end just because it may not lead to something permanent. I think all relationships are like a journey---you go as far as you can with that person, and you learn what you can learn with them and from them for as long as it seems to be productive and fulfilling. If it feels like a worthwhile journey regardless of the destination, there's no reason to end it. What do you think she wants from the relationship? Does she want more commitment? Well I had somewhat of a revelation. I think this piece of advice was the best for my situation. I did some soul-searching on the issue, and came to a few conclusions. I wrote Girl B a long email explaining my view on our relationship. She is very attached and wants to be with me, however, I discovered she is not the right one for me. I realized I am attracted to her unique body (very skinny with big fake boobs), and the sexy little outfits she wears. Her personality is great, and we can talk on the phone or in person for hours and hours, but I can do that with a few of my friends that are girls, whom I have no sexual attraction too. Girl A has so much more to offer and is such an amazing woman. I talked with Girl A and let her know what I felt was missing, and surprisingly she agreed. We are working on filling voids with each other to kind of make our relationship whole again. We have a very solid and loving foundation that I'm not ready to give up. Thanks for everyone's help in this issue, and I am really confident that I made the right choice. Unfortunately, Girl B was less than happy with my decision, but I think she will respect it. I asked her to limit her contact with me for a while, at least until the feelings disapate and we can just be friends.
Green Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Ill B in town, dont worry Ill get girl B off your B-hind B.. B.. buddy
Author Confused in FLA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 I'll hook it up if you want KMT. 5'2, about 98 pounds with big ass fake tits. She gets hit on everywhere, but I realized she just isn't for me, at least not right now. She's 21, and acts every bit of 21. I'm 25, and my girlfriend is 21, but you would think she was 30 by the way she acts (def not the way she looks). Thanks again for the advice bro, and if your ever in south florida, let me know, I'll give you her number.
Green Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 ight pimp keep it real, maybe u should get rid of that number though, sounds like she still wants you, and she just sounds tempting as all heck
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