LovesDog Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 History: 2 years married and 2 years since the divorce. Any input on the goings on in divorced men's minds? What can be done to make them feel comfortable with a new relationship?
unimoko Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 what are you trying to ask? Please clarify what you are looking on insight on. Most recently divorced guys are a mess. They are trying to sort out their emotional and financial not in addition to their sexual health. You can't make anyone comfortable with anything they aren't ready for. Single and Unattached, Divorced, or whatever the situation. I guess after 2 yrs they are ready to date, but personally I wouldn't touch them unless they resolved all their past issues.
compassion42 Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I don't think you can lump all divorced guys into one group or type. But many divorced men are busy healing and recovering from the end of their marriage. Often times there are kids involved and often times there are stressful ex wives to deal with. Two years out does sound like a good chunk of time but in my experience it has often taken longer than that for them to be ready to move on completely.
Trialbyfire Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I've only ever dated one divorced guy, in my life. He had been divorced for three years and was definitely ready to settle down. Kind of freaked me out how quickly he was moving.
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 It's been my experience that once a divorced guy is over his healing period, that he generally wants to get married again. But a guy who is two years out of a marriage shouldn't necessarily be needing a breaking in period.
Krytie TV Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 History: 2 years married and 2 years since the divorce. Any input on the goings on in divorced men's minds? What can be done to make them feel comfortable with a new relationship? Well, I was married two years and have been apart from her for 1 year and 8 months, so I can teel you what's going on in my mind. Granted, I grew to actually loathe my ex, so that may have an effect. What's going on in my mind? Same sh*t, different year. It hasn't made me gunshy or afraid to fall in love again. In order to feel comfortable with a new relationship, all I would require, beyond the obvious attraction qualities, is someone that doesn't play little mind games with me and doesn't make it clear that they have a definite timeline for marriage. I'm not against marriage, but I wouldn't enter a situation with someone for whom it was a top priority. You know, I hear about this stuff all the time. Afraid to commit because of a divorce... blah blah blah. I personaly think that's a bunch of crap, but then I move on from things quickly. When someone uses a past divorce as a reason to be afraid of being hurt, I don't believe that it has anything to do with the divorce in itself. Rather, I think it's more of a personality trait that was probably always there for the person in question. But for them it makes a good sounding bullsh*t excuse to the other person. What I really think? I think that anyone who uses that crap as an excuse in a new relationship is just not wanting to get comfortable with the person they are with. They want to "ride it out" with you until they find something better. I've done it and my posting history since July would reflect that. Either that, or you have someone who is naturally emotionally handicapped.
RichC Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I've been apart from my wife for a year and a half and had the final hearing two weeks ago. I doubt I will marry again. My experience with the divorce system is that the odds are tilted toward women. I know there are always fools that leave for the blonde bimbo but, in my case, I got stuck paying my bills, her bills and my lawyer. Repeated filings to amend the court order were to no avail. You put your heart and soul into something for 16 years and poof all gone. Bitter? Yeah, your d*mn right I am. I'm not blaming women at all since I know some that are class A people. However, it is too easy to get screwed over by the system. I will never go through that c**p again.
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I've been apart from my wife for a year and a half and had the final hearing two weeks ago. I doubt I will marry again. My experience with the divorce system is that the odds are tilted toward women. I know there are always fools that leave for the blonde bimbo but, in my case, I got stuck paying my bills, her bills and my lawyer. Repeated filings to amend the court order were to no avail. You put your heart and soul into something for 16 years and poof all gone. Bitter? Yeah, your d*mn right I am. I'm not blaming women at all since I know some that are class A people. However, it is too easy to get screwed over by the system. I will never go through that c**p again. Rich - I totally agree that the system favors women and men get royally screwed. I have dated men who are paying ALIMONY for years to ex-wives, who are completely able-bodied to work, but have now been enabled NOT TO. If she had never been married to begin with, she would have had to support herself, so why not post-marriage? Maybe you just live with someone next go-around...
norajane Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 My experiences with divorced men: - some want to remarry quickly - some never want to remarry AT ALL EVER - some are really bitter - some are still in love with their ex-wives and probably no one will measure up - some want to screw as many 23 year olds as they can attract (if they can) - some move on without a lot of drama and damage It really varies depending on the circumstances of the marriage, the divorce, and the actual guy involved
SYRACUSE03 Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 My experiences with divorced men: - some want to remarry quickly - some never want to remarry AT ALL EVER - some are really bitter - some are still in love with their ex-wives and probably no one will measure up - some want to screw as many 23 year olds as they can attract (if they can) - some move on without a lot of drama and damage It really varies depending on the circumstances of the marriage, the divorce, and the actual guy involved Perfectly stated! Just to add another circumstance...some hold past resentments towards their new relationship (unintentional). Normally it's very hard to trust again because it's one of the worst things someone can go through no matter what the circumstances were.
rosalie Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 It's been my experience that once a divorced guy is over his healing period, that he generally wants to get married again. But a guy who is two years out of a marriage shouldn't necessarily be needing a breaking in period. Absolutely, kids, bad breakup or not, if it's two years out from a divorce and he's not moved on from it, run a mile. Not all will be ready to get married or commited by that point but if he's not able to get serious by then, move on.
Author LovesDog Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Most recently divorced guys are a mess. They are trying to sort out their emotional and financial not in addition to their sexual health. I guess after 2 yrs they are ready to date, but personally I wouldn't touch them unless they resolved all their past issues. Yah, you're right here. Financially, the guy is struggling a bit. I think this may make it difficult to get involved seriously with anyone. Especially when I am financially successful and secure. Would that make him hesitate?
Virgo1982 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Yah, you're right here. Financially, the guy is struggling a bit. I think this may make it difficult to get involved seriously with anyone. Especially when I am financially successful and secure. Would that make him hesitate? It's so hard to assess the situation because some people do not grow. For instance, I met a divorcee (who I did not pursue) who was honest about the part he played in his divorce. He said he would be willing to get married again, but he would do things differently this time due to maturity. However, a few years ago, I dated a guy who was recently divorced and doesn't seem like he has plans of doing it again. Chances are, he really didn't understand what M was all about before he pursued it and wasn't ready. They were both pretty young when they married. Chances are, he'll realize what happened and reconsider. Perhaps he never will. Maybe he'll be a bachelor for life.
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