JimMorrison Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Well, My girlfriend of several years told me she needed time and space. I gave her some, but tried to fight for her back. We were back for a short while, I got her a great birthday gift and she seemed very happy with me, but after that, she was ignoring all my calls, texts, (I didnt call often at all, but she didnt even call back after I wished her happy birthday). A few days before Christmas, The one text she does respond to is: Why are you ignoring all my calls? Then she tells me the news, she shouldn't of agreed to have given me a second chance so soon, and she needs more time and space. She doesnt know if she wanted to break up and she was acting distant and told me bad news that I could be patient with her to find out what she wants. But she said she still wants to be my friend. So come Christmas, she called me up "Too busy to wish me Merry Christmas?" and I told her I wasnt I was just eating dinner, and she told me she wanted me to come over in the worst way, because her whole family was there and they wanted to see me. So I said fine, came over, and we had a great time that night. It almost felt like we were back together. She was making plans with me for new years, and I told her it was up to her. But the gift I gave her, a DVD of our happiest moments spanning a year to the background of "Suite Judy Blue eyes" - a song that has huge meaning of breakups, and we did see a CSNY concert together. I threw a tiny piece of chocolate, and a letter explaining I cant just be friends with her. I told her she needs space from me and I will allow that possibility. Maybe the letter was a bit harsh, but I just thought I was doing what she wanted. I thought I was being strong. She called me up and said I ruined her Christmas. My timing in delivery of the gift was horrible. She said she threw everything away, and doesn't want to be with me. She said I WAS the one to be trying to win HER back! (She told me I did nothing wrong in the first place -- now she is telling me I had to win her back!) I did everything right when she let me back, nothing wrong, and made her so happy. She said I ruined any chance I had and screwed up royally. This DVD took me 15 hours to create. I thought I was doing something great, by making all of our memories on a DVD then giving her the space she wanted. But she says what I did hurt her more than anyone or anything in the world. The last slide said GoodBye Baby, I love You, and miss you. This she said is what hurt her most. She also is losing a ton of weight and is looking great! This makes me sad, I think she is just getting a big head from losing weight but im not sure. The fact I threw in that tiny bit of chocolate (just because it was reindeer shape and I thought she would think it was cute) made her REEEEEAAALLY mad. She basically says its over, that she doesnt want to talk anymore, says that Ive jumped the gun. (After getting broken up w/ two times, how did I jump the gun??) but hopes in the distant future we can be friends. I have a feeling that if I give her a ton of space and let her be, improve myself, she might come back. She meant the world to me and I cannot understand why she is acting like this =( What do you think of this?
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I think she wants out, but is looking for whatever reason she can to make sure it's your fault, because she knows she's jammed up pretty badly. I think that she has in subtle ways been trying to tell you it's over, but has wanted to be nice, and hasn't got the message across, so now she's being 'nasty' to make sure you get the message. I think there isn't going to be anything you can do to make this better. I think you'd better not be banking on this ever being fixed. I think you had better brace yourself for being single for a while.... That's what I think. Others may, of course, think differently.
Woggle Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Be glad to get rid of her. She sounds like a girl with issues.
s_n_d Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I think she took your gift the wrong way. I dunno if you have already explained to her why you made the gift, but if you havent, i think you should. To me, it seems like you put a lot of effort into making the gift. I think she needs to understand why exactly you made it or it seems like she didnt want to hear it especially on christmas day. And I seem to be in a similar position as you. My ex texted me on christmas and said that I ruined his Christmas. We had an argument on christmas day and apparently it ruined it for him. Ofcourse we apologized the next day and now I think we' re ok. But I feel SO bad about it. But you know? Stuff happens and you cant change the past. The best you can do is live for the present and future and not dwell SO much on the past. I hope you two work things out.
s_n_d Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I also think she was looking for an excuse to get mad at you. I admit Ive done that in the past..with my exs(without even knowing it). But the bottom line is that if YOU want to be with her and if YOU see a future with her despite that, then you shouldnt let the relationship go.
vivrantflo Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 ANY time a woman says she needs "time and space" there's a thrid party invovled.. at least 98% of the time. She's looking for lame reasons to get rid of you, instead of just being completely honest. She doesnt want to talk anymore. In the DISTANT future she wants to be friends again.. Thos two points allow her to see what else is out there (another dude) and would expect you to still be around if it doesnt work out. NC and make her decision final. And in only a matter of time, the ball will be right back in your court. Good luck
norajane Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Geez, the girl first pulls you back and forth on her leash, then throws out your Christmas gift and gets all mad because you actually gave her what she said she wanted - time off from the relationship. Can you say spoiled brat? I think the best thing you can do is to stay away from her and stop jumping to her every whim. She has no respect for you and never will unless you stand up for yourself and show her that she's 'not the boss of you'. Her gift tantrum is the best thing that could have happened to you. She misinterpreted it as YOU saying, "OK, fine, see ya." and got mad because you seemed to be taking the choice away from her - instead of HER calling all the shots like she has been doing. She'll probably come crawling back (if you stay away from her), but do you really want an immature girl like that?
Author JimMorrison Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 She'll probably come crawling back (if you stay away from her), but do you really want an immature girl like that? And she says IM immature and I need to grow up! Thanks for everyones input. I appreciate everyones thoughts and would like to hear if anyone else has more to say?
norajane Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 And she says IM immature and I need to grow up! Her being immature doesn't mean you aren't immature and don't need to grow up...
LakesideDream Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 This is alway a possibility in BF/GF relationships. Tread lightly JM.. if you aren't carefully she will take out a restraining order against you. Women have all the rules in their favor. Both society and the legal system assume that males are agressive, and dangerous and therefor protect the female even in the face of no evidence. When the woman breaks out the "I need space" speach, she's talking in code. That code equals "I have a new penis in my life that interests me, please stay on the back burner while I test ride and decide what I'm gonna do next". Personally, I have (since D-day) and will continue to treat the "I need space" speach for what it actually is, and act to sever all contact immediately. Anything else is just prolonging the discomfort, and playing the fool, allowing the woman to remain comfortable and secure while you twist in the wind.
vivrantflo Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 When the woman breaks out the "I need space" speach, she's talking in code. That code equals "I have a new penis in my life that interests me, please stay on the back burner while I test ride and decide what I'm gonna do next". Couldnt have said it better myself..
Author JimMorrison Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 (edited) Thanks for everyones responses. I will hope that she comes back, and hope she eventually realizes that she made a mistake. She's told me in the past she knows that I will marry her, and she loved me very much. Recently she said that her feelings for me were not the same - she probably wouldve married me, and that maybe im not the one. Then after this fiasco she told me we could never be together. I will give her the NC treatment, and maybe she will rediscover her feelings. But I will not wait around forever. Maybe there is someone better than her. From what Ive described here she sounds mean, but usually she is very nice. I could notice that all of the problems were starting when I got into legal trouble (selling pot) last summer. I had a lot of money, but now not so much, and I think this is part of the reason. Im about to finish my computer engineering degree and so I dont think money would be a problem in the future. The NC is hard, I sent one text "happy new year!" but dont plan on saying much more. Oh well I'll keep everyone posted as to what happens. Edited January 1, 2008 by JimMorrison
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Thanks for everyones responses. I will hope that she comes back, and hope she eventually realizes that she made a mistake. She's told me in the past she knows that I will marry her, and she loved me very much. Recently she said that her feelings for me were not the same - she probably wouldve married me, and that maybe im not the one. Then after this fiasco she told me we could never be together. I will give her the NC treatment, and maybe she will rediscover her feelings. But I will not wait around forever. Maybe there is someone better than her. From what Ive described here she sounds mean, but usually she is very nice. I could notice that all of the problems were starting when I got into legal trouble (selling pot) last summer. I had a lot of money, but now not so much, and I think this is part of the reason. Im about to finish my computer engineering degree and so I dont think money would be a problem in the future. The NC is hard, I sent one text "happy new year!" but dont plan on saying much more. Oh well I'll keep everyone posted as to what happens. Your story sounds almost identical to mine. My ex says there wont ever be an US again... But somewhere in my heart i just know he doesnt mean it. Hes not a mean person at all. He probably seems like it to most people who have heard my story. But he treated me like nothing less than his princess.
sedgwick Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 She sounds extremely high-maintenance and touchy. Who on earth gets mad about a piece of chocolate alongside a DVD that took 15 hours to make? I mean, really. If anyone ever did anything like that for me, I'd be so honored and happy. I think you have to ask yourself if you can really be happy being with someone who is chronically dissatisfied. That said, you need to step away from her. It always amazes me how many people on here say their exes have asked for NC, but they keep contacting them anyway. Sending her messages asking why she's ignoring you comes off as VERY needy and off-putting. I don't mean to be harsh, I'm just telling you that women sometimes think less of men who fawn all over them. And the best thing you can do to show someone you respect them is give them a break when they ask for one. (And one last thing...it's could HAVE, not could OF!) < -- pet peeve in the universe
Author JimMorrison Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 One more question I have. She told me that this will take a very long time for her to get over. She also said that she doesn't want a boyfriend right now or for a long time. (I'd like to believe that, since she works a lot and goes to the gym every day, doesnt have much time at all). She said it felt like I put a dagger through her back. Is this just a smoke screen or could it have more meaning? (This was all said during a not too calm texting session a day or so after xmas)
Krytie TV Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 It means she wants you to cry and tell her how sorry you are for hurting her and to beg to be with her again. That's what that crap means. However, if you didn't respond that way to it you're doing fine. The less you care, the more dramatic she will be until she finally loses interest in the whole thing. However, if at any minute you ever show her you care again... it starts all over again.
Art_Critic Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 (edited) Have you considered the possibility that there is another guy she is lining up to date her ?.. That is the way it sounds to me.. and when a girl says they need time and space they really mean they need time and space to date someone else. You need to realize that she is trying to play the field and the chances are that you won't marry her.. Also.. your Gift.. She said she needed space and time and no pressure.. Well...Your gift.. Dvd and Emotional letter did nothing but push her away.. Your DVD was way too mushy and all about you and a ploy to tweak her emotions so you could get a second chance.. She saw thru it.. The letter was also all about YOU.. it was a ploy to tweak her emotions to get her back.. The gift was the exact opposite of what she was asking for.. time and space.. not mushy emotional guilt ridden pressure.. Back off from her and go out with someone new for a while.. Edited January 2, 2008 by Art_Critic
Lishy Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 My take is that she no longer wants to be with you and she saw the dvd as a big fat guilt trip!
Aiorios Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 ANY time a woman says she needs "time and space" there's a thrid party invovled.. at least 98% of the time. She's looking for lame reasons to get rid of you, instead of just being completely honest. She doesnt want to talk anymore. In the DISTANT future she wants to be friends again.. Thos two points allow her to see what else is out there (another dude) and would expect you to still be around if it doesnt work out. NC and make her decision final. And in only a matter of time, the ball will be right back in your court. Good luck sorry I had to join just to say This man speaks the truth ill enjoy posting in these wonderful forums as well:laugh:
Author JimMorrison Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 okay Lishy now I think I understand exactly why she got mad about it. You seem to be absolutely right. Noone had said that before and the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I didn't mean for it to be a guilt trip, I meant for it to be something to remember us by. I knew she wanted time & space and I thought I was giving it to her, but I guess a woman would take it like that. I really messed this one up. I really didnt think it would come out like that- I guess being kicked out of school, having to change colleges, lose credits, and face legal ramifications would tend to make me not think clearly. Then her asking me for time and space made me even more confused. I felt the DVD was a good idea, but I guess it really was a horrible idea. I wished she would understand me in my time of need. This is the only point in my life where I feel like I needed her support the most, and when I got it the least. I feel like I lost everything and I lost the girl of my dreams. I want to explain this to her, but I guess NC would be better for the cause.
Author JimMorrison Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I owe her some money so Im going to send it to her, with a short letter explaining that I just wanted to give her something to remember me by, didn't want to make it into a ploy to tweak her emotions -- that perhaps all the losses and suffering I dealt with this past couple of months with (above) caused me to see so unclearly. I accept that I made a horrible mistake now in all honesty, and accept I oughta move on, but atleast I'll send the letter to get it off my chest and then move on.
Lishy Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 WHOA! Slow down Dont rush into doing anything at the moment. You didnt make that huge a mistake. You didnt send it with the intentions that she may have taken it. The bottom line is that she does not want to be with you at this point. DVD or no DVD this was gonna break up. Get used to that fact and stop panicking as you are pushing her further away You now want to send her her money and ANOTHER guilt trip (in her eyes) letter explaining yourself. My advise is to just post the cheque with no letter and dont contact her AT ALL! Its her move! If she wants you, you will know it!
Author JimMorrison Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 haha okay thank you. I wrote this really (what i thought nice) letter but you are right it could be seen as another guilt trip. I do tend to overreact sometimes. I will send just the check and play it by ear. Thanks for helping me from falling into another mistake! women are so tough sometimes. Im glad I found this site to help gain more insight of them. Ive been to other sites and this one seems to be the best.
Trialbyfire Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I wouldn't do the long letter but I would explain that the money is the what you owe her, basically along the lines of paying your debts. Keep it cool and distant so she understands that it's a finalization of all debts cleared.
Author JimMorrison Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Alrite. Cool & Distant. That was mainly my whole mistake in approaching this. I was just the opposite
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