New crush, hot and cold?

[101NEO]

any opinions will be greatly appreciated on this one.

 

so i started working for this new company about 3 months ago. i was in the middle of a very heartbreaking break-up(5 yr relationship). 4-5 months after the break up i started true NC because it was time for me to heal and i finally realized that she wasn't right for me.

 

i noticed this girl at work who isn't always there, she's maybe there 2 or three times a week because she lives far from the office. so i noticed her but didn't really have an interest for the first couple of months that i worked there. she and i, up until about a month ago had maybe exchanged 1 or 2 conversations with each other.

 

about a month ago, when i started NC with my ex, a bunch of "too coincidental" events came about. now some of it has to be pure coincidence but some of it was waaaaay too coincidental to ignore.

 

of the two conversations that she and i had shared, we somehow got to talking about injuries on the first one. i don't remember how but we did and i told her a story about how last winter around this time of year i hurt myself on a pair of those "heeley" shoes. you know the ones with the wheels on the bottom that you see kids rolling all over the place with. well the second conversation she stopped me as i walked past her desk asking me where she can get a pair of the shoes. still not looking at her from a romantic perspective and not really giving a damn about her at the time, i offered her my ex's pair. i gave her my number and told her if you want to try them, call me or text me in the morning as a reminder and i'll bring them to work. she says ok.

 

the call nor the text ever happens. so at this point i begin to notice her because what was the point in asking me about the shoes if there's no effort to follow up. so i thought maybe she's trying to get my attention but i still thought to myself, eh who cares.

 

we get to chattin a little at work again like a week later and she out of nowhere tells me that she's going through a break-up. it wasn't any of my business, why was she telling me this. i shrug it off and being nice i tell her, i'm sorry and that if she needs someone to talk to she can call. i was sympathetic being that i was just getting over my situation and i know how hard it can be.

 

again no phone call, no nothing.

 

so my boss was planning a going away party for one of the girls that had been with the company for a long time. now this girl who was leaving (we'll call her jen) and my crush are pretty close friends. "jen" and i were working a little late the same day my crush told me about her breakup and "jen" and i got to talking. i asked how long they were together and made a comment about the breakup. "jen" did not yet know about this and was surprised to hear that i knew and she didn't.

 

the next day jen asks me if i'll be coming to her going away party, and i said probably. later that day i was curious so i asked what these gathering are all about? do we just meet somewhere and then everyone goes home or do some go out after. she asks, "oh would you want to go out after?" i said sure if they have some ideas of something to do. she instantly follows my comment with "oh i'll call 'my crush' and see if she wants to go out after" and then proceeded to tell me that 'my crush' wasn't planning on staying around the area.

 

i find out the next day that 'my crush' decided to come and is now planning on going out with all of us after the company get-together.

 

at the company thing she went out of her way to make conversation with me a couple of times and even left the group to go and shoot pool with me for a little bit. so we talked and flirted a lttle bit. at this point it was getting to be about time to head out to the next place and leave the company thing. so i offered to drive. so four of us went to a bar that has live bands every friday. we're all talking about absolutely nothing and they were all being kinda boring so i grab my drink and decide to go be myself and get into party mode. i start dancing and partying with the bands and having a good time. they all eventually came and joined me.

 

at this point i decided to see if 'my crush' has any kind of interest. so i start being super flirty and playful with 'jen' and completely ignored 'my crush'. i chose 'jen' on this one just because i was fairly comfortable with her and she and i are both pretty outgoing and have always been playful with each other. I wanted to see if i would be tugging at her jealousy at all. i think i saw what i was looking for.

 

we all have a great time and crash at 'jen's' house.

 

the following monday i get an email from 'jen' that invites me out to dinner with her and 'my crush' and some other people. this dinner was planned a week prior to and then they forwarded it to me the next chance they got. no big deal.

 

from this point on 'my crush' and i start having regular email conversations and a relationship seems to be starting to build. through the course of conversation, i find out her favorite band and i went and burned all their music to a cd for her and left it on her chair at work so that when she showed up to the office next she'd have a nice surprise. this left a huge impression on her.

 

she ended up asking me if i'd like to get together with her after work to go out for a little bit. i said sure. we ended up sitting in a bar for about six hours just talking, laughing, joking with each other, and just getting to know each other. it went so well i was stunned.

 

from this point on we were having very regular conversation and it was getting more and more flirtatious and you could tell that we were both starting to really like each other.

 

so to bring it up to speed we go to lunch together one day. during the course of conversation she tells me that she wants me to stop persuing her. i was a little shocked and taken back by this but i played it cool and said, 'ok, if that's what you want.' she was surprised by my response. she kept asking 'really? you're going to make it that easy? not going to argue it?' and i said no. i want you to be happy, what kind of friend would i be if i didn't gove you what you want. then i said also, why would i chase someone who doesn't want me. she cut me off and said "i never said i didn't want you." so i tried to leave things off just the way they were when we ended the conversation. i didn't hug her goodbye i kept my distance and we parted ways for the day.

 

a couple hours later i gave her a call and just said "hey i wanted to make sure everything is cool between us, the way we parted was a little awkward." she said that she agreed and said ya everything is cool. so i said ok good have fun this weekend and i'll see you later. she calls me like an hour later asking if we could get together the following wednesday and then said that she thinks we should go to a concert together soon. i responded by saying ya sure that sounds like fun but i'm with some friends and can't talk right now. so i let her go. we hung out the following wednesday which was this past wednesday and again we spend like 6 hours talking at the same bar. she got a little tipsy and i walked her back to her room. put my coat on, and left. again, no kiss, no hug.

 

she calls me like 20 minutes later saying that she just wanted to make sure i got home ok. i was only like half way home. so i ask her what she's doing the following night. she said that she had plans with her sister and immediately invited me to go with them. she started getting all cutesy flirty and being super nice. so i said sure just let me know what's going on. she said that she just wanted to make sure that her sister is cool with it.

 

the next day, no mention of anything all day so i ask about it. she say no i never talked to my sister, i know she just wants it to be a girls night so you're not invited. luckily this worked out for the better for me.

 

my question is, what the heck is she doing? seems like she's playing me hot and cold. it's getting a little frustrating. any advice, comments, thoughts?

 

should this be a HUGE red flag and should i go running for the hills?

[jumping-jacks]

It sounds like she is testing the waters after the way her relationship ended. Just see where it goes, and if it continues you can decide that you don't want to go along with it.

[101NEO]

i do appreciate your input.

 

i wanted to make sure i let everyone know that i do like this girl. i think our personalities and things that we like are are so similar it's scary sometimes.

 

what i'm really hoping to get here is some input from some women here on LS. please ladies, help me to understand what you think she's doing. i'm trying not to let myself get frustrated but man, women are confusing....

[EYECANDY000]

Sounds like she is seeking some sort of attention. It seems like she likes you and wants you around in her life some sort of way, but just not ready to get back into a relationship again. Since she is still on the rebound I would just keep it cool and be friends . As you stated you know exactly first hand how hard it is to get out of a relationship and it takes a toll on you. She may be all flirty with you , but like I said she may just want your attention! She was shocked when you responded so cordial to her saying that she wants you to back off..I wouldnt think any more past she just want to be friends. Give it some time and see where it goes.