Chauncey Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 So yep, I've always had a thing for sexy lingere, and have been trying to get my girlfriend to wear an outfit or two for the past month or so. I can't get through the conversation without her ultimately saying that she doesn't want to wear it because she thinks she's fat. As I and most men know, this statement in itself can get us in a lot of trouble. Obviously I reassure her that she is the opposite, and extremely gorgeous and sexy. I ask her if she likes any particularly styles (I'm not looking necessarily for cortchless panties or nippleless bras)...but again nothing. I offer to purchase her an outfit...still nothing. What really erks me though, is that over Christmas I went down to spend time with her and her parents. I was staying at her father's home, in which she gave me her bedroom to sleep in. I was putting a few of my things on top of her dresser, when my keys feel into a drawer that had been opened a bit. I went to grab my keys, but ended up pulling out a one-piece, white-laced lingere outfit. I couldn't believe it! I than proceeded to put it back and look for my keys, when I pulled out two more outfits of lingere! So I assume that she wore these for a former boyfriend, which of course just makes me that much more jealous. I'm not sure what I can do. I know I can't force her, and I would never think of that, but considering she is not a foreigner to the whole lingere ideal, I don't know why she wouldn't want to try it for us. Is it right if I were to comment on finding the items in her drawer!? Really confused...and horny
mattea Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 well you don't know how old those things she had in her drawer were, right? i mean, they could have been from long ago. maybe she was thinner then or less self conscious for some other reason. i doubt it had anything to do with the guy she was with vs. you, but more about her self image at the time. if she thinks she is going to be uncomfortable and really self conscious wearing something like that, then that is probably a big turn off for her. i know it's a big turn on for you, but while you are over there thinking she is sexy, she might be feeling totally NOT sexy and aware of every flaw and then that will not lead to her feeling horny. that's probably what she's imagining. my last boyfriend wanted me to wear certain things and i wasn't comfortable and he'd say things like he didn't understand why i didn't want to do it for him if i knew it would turn him on. that made me want to do it less, because i didn't feel like he cared at all about whether it was things that were comfortable or natural for me to wear as much as getting his fantasy met. i felt less like a person than a body he wanted to dress up. i didn't feel that he was very respectful of my feelings and made an "outfit" to important over two people connecting. if he hadn't tried to make me feel guilty for not dressing how he wanted to "please him", i might have come around if he'd just dropped it for awhile and given me some more time to get comfortable with him and his desires. i don't think you should say anything about what you found in the drawer, or keep pushing on this matter. keep letting her know how sexy and beautiful you think she is and let it be for awhile. she might come around when she gets more comfortable with you.
Citizen Erased Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I say just force her ! Yes quite a plan there. How long have you been together? Perhaps she just isn't comfortable enough with you to wear it around you just yet?
Author Chauncey Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 Yes quite a plan there. How long have you been together? Perhaps she just isn't comfortable enough with you to wear it around you just yet? First off I know I spelled "lingerie" wrong. Second, we've been friends for over a year, but began dating in late February. To be frank, we are very comfortable sexually and physically with one another, and I'm almost positive this is not an issue. We've roleplayed and what not before. She definitely has a kinky side to her, as she likes me to be aggressive once in awhile, and what not. I also found some suggestive photos of her on her computer that I know she sent her last boyfriend...so least to say she's not shy. Than agian I'm not in an immediate rush to take care of this, as she broker her ankle and is recovering from bronchitis...so least to say I probably won't be having sex for a month give or take...
spookie Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 as she broker her ankle and is recovering from bronchitis I woudln't force the issue at this point then. Once she's recovered, if I were you I'd offer more horny commentary on what undergarments she DOES wear, to get her more comfortable with the idea that seeing her wearing skimpy stuff turns you on. I bet once she realizes you think she's hot and that she visually turns you on, she'll come around to the idea of fancier outfits.
Jilly Bean Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Is she fat? If she genuinely is, then I don't blame her for not wanting to parade around in lingerie. If she's not, then buy his and her matching lingerie, and get her to wear it with you some night. Personally, whatever a man wants to buy me, I will gladly adorn for him. But, I also don't suffer from weight issues.
Tripper Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 So I assume that she wore these for a former boyfriend, which of course just makes me that much more jealous. I'm not sure what I can do. First off don't make this assumption. That said, Chauncey, I have a thing for lingerie as well and have never had a problem getting an amour to wear them. What I do is buy a very elegant matching set of lingerie, (and since I have a thing for stockings, I make sure I buy them fully fashioned stockings and garterbelt to match), give them as a gift, then take them out for a very elegant evening where these items can be worn. Expensive?? Yep... Payoff?? BIGTIME!!!
IpAncA Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Dude, if she doesn't want to wear them then she's not going to. There's some stuff I won't wear and no amount of anything will get me to change my mind.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 To be frank, we are very comfortable sexually and physically with one another, and I'm almost positive this is not an issue. This may be the problem. If she is comfortable with you 'as is' she may feel awkward and out of character dressing in sexy lingerie. It would be like you putting on a tuxedo to sit on your couch and watch TV.
reelwoman Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 this is a tricky issue, chauncey----even if you are comfortable sexually and having hot sex, she may still have certain things she feels awkward about. I have a giant lingerie collection, but some of it is stuff I no loner feel comfortable wearing because I don't feel like I have the body for it I used to, or at times I've been with people who just weren't into that so I felt silly. But she may feel that there's too much pressure and she's afraid she won't live up to your expectations, and that's making her self-conscious. If she isn't feeling good about her body, regardless of how you see her, that's real to her and you need to respect that. Let her know you think she's gorgeous and sexy as she is, and stop putting pressure on her. The thing is, if you make it too important, that could be very intimidating for her because she may feel she doesn't look good enough to make you happy right now. Women are tormented by their body image in this culture, and it's very hard to relax and feel beautiful when there's so much pressure. Maybe just back off a little and let it be her choice. If you are into her it shouldn't matter so much what she's wearing, and maybe it it didn't mean so much to you she'd feel more comfortable wearing it. I have things I never wore for guys because I didn't feel like I could pull it off, and for a woman, you are really making yourself vulnerable when you dress up like that and you don't feel confident. What if you worked on building her confidence by letting her know that whatever she does or whatever she wears, you think she's the bomb?
EYECANDY000 Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 have she tried something she can be a little more comfortable in thats like not to lingeri-y (not a word ha) like some boy shorts and a tank.. its still sexy and not exposing everything..
johan Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Personally, whatever a man wants to buy me, I will gladly adorn for him. But, I also don't suffer from weight issues. I'm the type to buy a girl nothing at all. Would you wear that?
Nemo Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I was putting a few of my things on top of her dresser, when my keys feel into a drawer that had been opened a bit. I went to grab my keys, but ended up pulling out a one-piece, white-laced lingere outfit. I couldn't believe it! I than proceeded to put it back and look for my keys, when I pulled out two more outfits of lingere! Are you a magician? You sure have some talent there. Anyway, why don't you put it on. If she complains, then say, "Well, one of us has to wear it! Make your choice." Hopefully it is quite stretchy.
Lizzie60 Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Well I have to say that I find it strange that she wore lingerie before and was comfortable about it.. and now... she's not... all of a sudden. Was she fit and thinner when she was wearing lingerie before? If her body has changed then I can understand to a certain degree that she might be shy about it... But if her body hasn't changed.. I would confront her with the lingerie you find in the drawer and ask her straight up.. why she refuses to wear it with you...
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Chauncey, do the two of you ever make bets, play games, etc? If she loses, she will have to wear something of your choice (buy her a couple of different pieces of lingerie), of which she can decide which piece (sorry but sometimes you guys can be tasteless) and if she wins, you have to give her the massage of a lifetime. p.s. Stack the deck.
jerbear Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Chauncey, do the two of you ever make bets, play games, etc? If she loses, she will have to wear something of your choice (buy her a couple of different pieces of lingerie), of which she can decide which piece (sorry but sometimes you guys can be tasteless) and if she wins, you have to give her the massage of a lifetime. p.s. Stack the deck. This is a good suggestion. Stacking the deck is kinda slick... This post reminded me of something I once did! Well for me it worked with a friend. I made a bet that if she won she got to do something and if I won I got to do it. I lost and had to pay up, go shopping, long story. I did provide inputs into when she asked if an outfit looked good on her. I of course offered my suggestion that she would look sexy and saucy with matching lacy lingerie. The lingerie to subconsciously empower her. Or she could be liberated by going commando... Either way I wanted to see what I was buying...
Author Chauncey Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Well I have to say that I find it strange that she wore lingerie before and was comfortable about it.. and now... she's not... all of a sudden. Was she fit and thinner when she was wearing lingerie before? If her body has changed then I can understand to a certain degree that she might be shy about it... But if her body hasn't changed.. I would confront her with the lingerie you find in the drawer and ask her straight up.. why she refuses to wear it with you... This is a tricky question. Again I find her extremely attractive, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, and any other similar word you could imagine. Unfortunately she believes she has gained a significant amount of weight, and looking at pictures of her during her Senior year in high shcool up until Junior year when I met her, she has gained some weight. I completely understand how she may feel, as I'm very ashamed of my own body and tend to knock myself quite a bit, even though she assures me that I'm handsome, hot, and what have you. I guess it might just me being a bit jealous that I've asked her a couple of times to do this for me, not knowing that she must have done them for former boyfriend(s). And again, considering our love life is not necessarily traditional/boring/etc., I don't fully comprehend why she would be hesitant for just this one request. Also note that I have never forced this issue on her. I've brought it up maybe 2 or 3 times before and after sex. I have even volunteered to wear something for her as well, but she said she would probably laugh if I showed up in a mankini. I guess I'm probably just extremely horny. Again it doesn't help that she's has a cast on one leg until the end of Jan., she has a bad case of bronchitis, and to boot she just started her period a couple of days ago. Least to say, she's not having the best Christmas break...
Author Chauncey Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Also note, that she use to work at Victoria's Secret and has just about every panty, bra, sleepwear, etc. you could about imagine, so she's no stranger to undergarments. Also, is it better to buy lingerie for a woman without bringing her along, or do women tend to be present when such a purchase is occurring? I was thinking of buying her a little something as a gift after her cast comes off...though I'm not sure how sizing works on these things...
jerbear Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Also note, that she use to work at Victoria's Secret and has just about every panty, bra, sleepwear, etc. you could about imagine, so she's no stranger to undergarments. Also, is it better to buy lingerie for a woman without bringing her along, or do women tend to be present when such a purchase is occurring? I was thinking of buying her a little something as a gift after her cast comes off...though I'm not sure how sizing works on these things... So at one point she could be a VS model! Sizing, well you've seen her stuff, why didn't you jot down the sizing!? If you have any close female friends, ask them about sizing. Sizing for women's clothing is just weird, different stores have different methods, and there has been size inflation. The cast can be the reason why she does not feel sexy. No one likes to have that helpless feeling. It would be a good idea to take her out, cast and all to VS or a boutique store. You're saying to her cast and all you still see her as sexy! You get to see what she is eyeing and learn about the sizing.
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