AudiA4 Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 (edited) oh well I just at this moment signed up for this forum just found it as I googled the meaning of a break. but anyways here is the issue. we have been together for almost 3 years now. the other day we got into an argument over something silly. she says that she needs a week or 2 because she feels like she has no freedoms with me. well the thing is that since day 1 we have just clicked the perfect relationship. she still loves me and I love her. but this all odd. I am kind of confused because some people say its over others say it will work out she claims that I don't let her hang out with her friends and what not but I never get in between her and her friends. if they don't like me then so be it but I'm not possesive so Im not like that. but we still do everything like before. she calls me everyday I call her we hang out. she says that she wants to "have fun" and then come back to me when she see's that there is nothing out there for her. well I have a big problem with this because if she still calls me says that she loves me and we go out then why does she want to go out and explore? I mean its not like im abusive or anything is she getting bored? I don't know but as much as I love her and want to be with her I dont like the idea of her going out dating aroudn to come back to me. I mean if we have it perfect then she wants to all of a sudden do this why? I dont like it because it makes me feel like im a rebound. and if thats the case well then it will be completely over with us. I have about another 1-2 years left of undergrad before I goto med school and we do have plans to get married. but why the sudden need to change ? could it be her friends manipulating her? it hurts me because I feel like this is unnecessary since were both happy. its been 2 days not of this "Break" as she calls it and I can't deal with it it sucks because I feel like im being shafted for no reason. I will wait for her if getting her mind clear is the problem. but if she wants to date around well the no way because like I said I don't want to be the rebound once she realizes there is no other guys out there that she likes. I just don't know what to do and it bothers me like crazy I barely sleep as it is because of school but with this I will sleep a lot less than the little I do now. and I asked her if this "break" by going through with it would it help w/e problem there is that is bothering her and she just say's "I can't answer that" I mean what does this mean? any advice would greatly be appreciated. Edited December 30, 2007 by AudiA4
sedgwick Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 She's suffering from the "grass-is-greener" syndrome. She thinks there might be something better or more exciting out there, but she wants you around just in case she decides differently. As long as you're hanging out with her in any context, she knows you'll still be there for her. The thing you can do that will make her respect you the most is tell her you can't be friends with her and go totally NC. It sucks, but over time it sucks less. I've been NC for 4 months yesterday, and counting the days actually helps me. I've already gotten through 1/3 of a year. I know that in the past it has taken me about a year to feel like dating again. I'm a lot better now than I was 4 months ago. So I'll do another 1/3 of a year, during which time I have some exciting stuff happening, and then another 1/3, by which point it will be summer. You just break it down into chunks and you do get through it. You have to let her know that unless she wants to be with you, you are making the choice not to have her in your life. This is the only way she's ever going to miss you and the relationship.
Author AudiA4 Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 that makes sense but it seems so hard to do. I love her so much and I know she loves me too she just says that she wants to get out and have fun. I mean it hurts like hell and with school I don't have the time to really date or shop around. I mean I've pretty much come to the decision that if things dont work out then thats it for me. I've been through so many bad relationships and hurt and with her this has been the 1 actually good one. I just dont want to deal with it ever again. I mean I would just finish school and stay single because if we were to break it off it would hurt so much. I totally understand what you are saying and about the "grass is greener" thing. but I just dont understand why? because as silly as they sound the only things I don't like to do that she likes to do is goto the movie theatre and she dances I mean I'll goto the club to hang out and just chill but Im not much of a dancer. I have tried just giving in and going to the movies because I just dont like paying for them cause it seems like a waste to me. I mean I think some of the problem comes from the fact that I am a more logical thinker. because things must make sense for me to go through with it. she is a smart girl but doesnt always see things as logically as I do. like an example would be tatoo's yea I do like them and they are hot but I think they are a waste because 1 you pay so much to get them done. 2 over time they will fade no matter what color you get plus the health risks that come with it. she has 2 and I love them but I would never get one even though they are cool looking I just weigh it differently then she does. she hates that I see it that way but its the honest truth if you share my opinion or not it is the truth you know...
Drmnlyzr Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Dear Audia4, I am going thro the same thing right now.... we had this perfect relationship since last 2 years leading to marriage ......and one fine morning i cought him registered in a matrimonial website and looking for brides for him. He said the same thing.... he does not know whether I am the best for him or not ... he wants to meet and date other people so that he can value me. He was still confused about me after 2 years of a perfect relationship. I can not explain the pain I am going through right now ... my whole world is scattered...so I dont think i will be a big help for you here !! But one thing I know here is ..... even thou i loved him from the bottom of my heart, he never did (even tho he claimed it). if someone loves u .. they will never look for someone better because u r the best and thats it. Think about it ... if she will date few guys and then realizes u r the one .... will u be able to respect her the way u did? comparing and evaluating phase is the first few months of a relationship ... no after 2 years.. not when u love someone. I am totally scattered right now when I lost someone i loved... who was my mentor... my best friend... after doing anything i could to make this relationship better ... but at the end i was only a trash..... I simply wish 25th Dec 2007 wouldn't have ever come in my life.... i simply wish he would have really loved me and be mine. All i can say is ... just dont ask any questions to urself that how and why !! .... just accept it .... accept the fact and move on !!!
Author AudiA4 Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 well I joined this site to try and figure out maybe get an answer as to why which you guys have definitely helped me with. the one thing that I just can't seem to grasp is this. she straight out said to me "babe I love you with all my heart and I don't want to lose you or live w/o you. I just want to go out and have fun and meet people. If I go out with someone for lunch or dinner ect. even if it were a date its not like I would run off with that person it is only as friends that I'm going out." she still wants to keep in contact with me and be with me but she says that she is and I quote "still young and does not want to feel like she is 40 and married" (no offense to those of you who are this age thats just what she said). but for one thing it's not like I never controlled her or said you can't go out with this an that friend. so this is why I am so confused about it to the point of depression. I just can't come up with a logical answer to this because for one thing IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!... I mean it just sucks. because she doesn't want to see other people she wants to be with me she already has all the freedom in the world I am not a over jealous fiance or anything but she still feels like she is trapped or being "held back" as she put it. and with all honesty I really truly 150% from the bottom of my heart do believe that either one of 2 of her friends had to do with it if not both of these two girls. 1 of these girls just graduated law school I like her she is cool I just don't like that she is quiet and shy for a lawyer but hey I can't judge we all have our demons that have to be worked out. the other is a complete party girl she is still @ USF here in Florida surprisingly she parties a lot I don't like her lifestyle but still I don't judge her even though I don't like her. my main reason for not liking her is that she left without a care in the world about my Fiance then all of a sudden comes back after almost 2 yrs and expects everything to be dandy again she never called to wish happy birthday or anything. I don't like her but I'm not gonna go and say "hey babe you can't hang out with your not so best best friend" thats not me and like I said I am not controlling but where these 2 girls play a part is that last month my fiance had told me that one of them after hanging out all 3 of them had said "you should go out more there are so many guys out there just put him on hold and go mess around" now since I don't know exactly who said this I am not going to be quick to judge anyone but it sucks cause its like she is not doing it directly but probably considering it indirectly. because she still wants to be with me but go out and have fun she did say that she wouldn't go out and do anything or kiss any guys or anything but still it seems a bit overwhelming and coincidental that this all happened right after one of these friends had a talk to her. she even denies any of it and says that her friends like me but BULL****!!! I don't believe that because it's apparent that one of her friends is either jealous of what we have or just doesn't like me...
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