runnernotswimmer Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 It really ticks me off that I need to write this two times cause of errors...anywho, I got a response from somone but I have no idea who he/she is so thank you for that response. Anywho, I'm new to the site and hope someone can help me with my, shall I call it, "dilema". I visited my brother's messianic synagogue and met this one girl there. She was beautiful, but I had no intention of girlfriends, friends with benifits, etc. Anywho, I thought it would be goods to just be friends with her. So I got her email and got to know her a bit. It was then that i really started to like her. But nothing serious happened between us. Just casual letters back and forth. Got to see her almost once every month. But everytime I went online, I wondered if she wrote to me. My friend said I mentioned her everytime I saw him, whom I saw pretty much everyday. I enjoyed so much talking to her. But one day there was a compleate 180. One day there was an all night teen night at the synagogue. I told her I was a little different there than I was at school and with friends and such. So she wrote me an email telling me that she felt hurt and lied to. See, she is homeschooled with a strong faith in her family, whom she is with all the time. For me telling her that would make a signifigant difference in her thoughts. So I replyed telling her to email me when she feels I've grown up a bit and I wouldn't send another email. I kinda lied there. I sent another email about a week later telling her I liked her and wishing we could continue to email. She didn't reply. I have no idea if she read it or deleated it on sight. And when I talked to her about it, when I told her about my last email, she was talking about the one about not emailing anymore. So I just blew it off. "She's not interested", I kept telling myself. So, I got over it fast. We really didn't talk much after that, even though we said we were still friends. Not long conversations, 5 minutes at max. I remained single for the next 3 months. I did not think about it at all. I finally decided to ask this one girl out cause I got to know her a little bit. Turns out she was going to move back to virginia to her mom and boyfriend. That kinda made me a little frustruated. So my church goes to a concert and I thiught it would be a good way to sing out my aggresions if it were possibe, I'd try anything. So I get there and guess who is there. The synagogue that I met her at. I saw a lot of people there that I knew and talked to them. But I mainly talked to her. She was in my section so we talked between every song andevery break. All I was thinking was, "It was cool to see them there and talk to her". So I went to the synagogue the following week and she was there as usual. But this week we acctually talked for more than five minutes. We talked for a good long time before she had something else she needed to do. But even when I visited her when she was doing something else, she would give me this cute smile and small wave that I could just never ignore. And now I can't stop thinking about her. She is the voice inside my head when I do something I know she would not like or listen to music that I know I shouldn't listen to. I don't even know if she likes me anymore or ever did. All I know is she's inside my head and I want her out if there is nothing there. But what do you do when you feel like something was there when in reality, it wasn't? I recently decided that I was to talk to her about it. Not write an email, not write a letter, talk. I think the sound of my voice in person will give her an idea that I really mean this. I mean, if it's not worth talking about, then it's not worth thinking about. Well that's it. I hope someone can help me with this one. Thanks for all responds.
Jilly Bean Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 You already posted on this topic, and everyone responded to the exact issue and question. Perhaps you forgot you've already been here and done that?
jumping-jacks Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I think he means he deleted the thread and reposted it within a brief period.
Author runnernotswimmer Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 thank you jumping jack. and yes, every time i tried to look for the tread, I got an error so I reposted it again, because...go figure....I couldn't read any of the replys that were posted. All I knew is someone did and I have no idea what they said, so I reposted it. But if you responded to something jilly than I still want to know what you said about the subject.
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 What I said, Runner, is that she is very entrenched in her religion. And people like this that grow up within a very specific religious sect generally do not end up dating outside of their religion because their values and family views on this are so strong and grounded. I don't doubt she may have some feelings for you, but will she act on them in any substantial way? Probably not. I wouldn't write her, or contact her. I think she's pretty solidly in the off-limits zone, I'm afraid.
Author runnernotswimmer Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 No, it's not that like that. I am aware that most relious people do not marry outside their religous faith. But me and my brother are becoming members there and their faith is very similar as far as basic beliefs.We beleive the same things. Besides, this is the faith that I want my children to grow up in for the diversity of it. I was planning to become a member there when I enter college regaurdless of what she or anyone else thinks. The only problem as far as religon is concerned is that she is suprised by the way I've said I act at school. I know this sounds like I'm just compleatly blind and setting myself up, but I am more than willing to change for her.....I'm getting a lot of "your dumb" reply's for this...
Jilly Bean Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 But what do you do when you feel like something was there when in reality, it wasn't? And this IS the reality, Runner. You have an continue, to try and manifest this into something real. But it isn't. Your friends are telling you to move on for a reason - this is not a healthy attachment for you. You are living your days in a way that you think she would approve of, yet you have no interaction nor relationship with this girl. I find that very disturbing, honestly. You need to move on, because at this point, you are wasting precious days in a fantasy.
Author runnernotswimmer Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Good point. I really didn't think of it that way before. But I have tried to forget about it and just can't. In your opinion, what can I do to forget about her without setting myself up with someone else? I'm not really the kind of guy to date around. Not to mentoin zero money. Hence runner...
Jilly Bean Posted January 2, 2008 Posted January 2, 2008 Runner, IMO, what you are doing right now is mourning the loss of the fantasy of what you thought it could be. That is what is keeping you stuck from moving on. I think when you realize that your attachment is based on what you *imagined* a relationship with this girl to be like, rather than ever experiencing the *reality* of a relationship, this should help you move on and let it go. Does that make sense? Basically, it's important to realize that you are stuck on what you think it could have been, which is not what the reality is, was, or ever could be.
Author runnernotswimmer Posted January 2, 2008 Author Posted January 2, 2008 Well, see, thats the very thing. When she told me she didn't want to email me anymore, I didn't have any feelings after that. But now shes talking to me and giving me these hints that is making me like her again. Mabey I'm just dumb, but those feelings are real to me and thats reality. It'll be my downfall but when you hit the bottom, only way to go is up.
Jilly Bean Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Well, it's hard to say, Runner. I just don't think it is good for you to have your life stalled by all this. Maybe you're right - maybe it would be better to just put it all out there. Then you can have your answer.
Recommended Posts