Ariadne Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Ariadne ..... should I be exactly the same as i was earlier ... or should i pull back a little?? Just do what feels natural to you. Being artificial is not going to help.
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Thanks Ariadne .... Ur words " if he wants to give it a chance ... he has his reasons" really made me feel good and confident for right now .....
Ronni_W Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 but ... what if he will never be able to trust that new me ... It really is about YOU trusting YOURSELF! By your account, you are not going to be a "new" you...you are trying to find a way back to the independent, self-sufficient person you truly are, with whom he fell in love. Be grateful for this second chance, and make the most of it through good choices and positive thought patterns -- STOP questioning what he is showing you...that you are obviously worth another chance, to him. If you do choose to continue to obsess about whether or not he trusts you (which he must do, otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to reconciling with you!!!), it's just another manifestation of your neediness...and will turn him off again, and likely for keeps next time. You may want to consider 3rd party (professional) help to deal with losing your job, the subsequent low self-esteem, etc., that temporarily made you act in ways that are NOT your normal self. Be totally confident in who you truly are -- know it, breathe it, sleep it, live it. Thank the Universe for this wake-up call, and just carry on your relationship as before your temporary lapse. Wishing you a wonderful 2008!
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Thanks Ronny, You are right ...... I will be what I truely were ... I am trying my best and hope everything will be ok ..... Its just that those 5 days i wnt thro so much pain that i have a fear to hell to get back to the same pain...... Thats the reason of all the doubts and questions ..... The second thought that instead of investing myself again onto him with the hope that everything will be fine ...... what if he will never let the past go and will be in self doubt always ...!! woudn't it be worth to go thro the pain right now that doing that again after 6 months or so ?
Ronni_W Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 ..... Its just that those 5 days i wnt thro so much pain Ask yourself this: How long was HE in pain, seeing the person he loved morphing into someone who only acted needy, insecure and totally self-centred??? That would have taken MONTHS of pain on his part, not just a few days. You have two basic choices: [1] Stop your narcissistic whining, count your blessings, and start also thinking about him, or [2] Tell him it's over because you are unwilling to risk any future negative consequences. If you want to make this work, you need to get harsh with yourself instead of just floating around in your huge pool of self-pity and victimhood, or you risk drowning in it. HE HAS SUFFERED, AS WELL...why not focus on what you can and need to do to make HIM feel a bit better about all of it?
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Hello Everyone .... Just wanted to add an update on my story. We are together right now and things are moving good so far. In 10 days I am going to his place and will stay there for some time. Am i repeating the same mistake again by going there at his place that if i come close to him right after the breakup he will only loose my respect ? or is it a right thing to do?? I am trying to be very calm but I have lost confidence in his ability or willingness to be there for me unconditionally in the future. .... what should i do? .... please also tell me the don't as well when I go there
mistie03 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Ask yourself this: How long was HE in pain, seeing the person he loved morphing into someone who only acted needy, insecure and totally self-centred??? That would have taken MONTHS of pain on his part, not just a few days. You have two basic choices: [1] Stop your narcissistic whining, count your blessings, and start also thinking about him, or [2] Tell him it's over because you are unwilling to risk any future negative consequences. If you want to make this work, you need to get harsh with yourself instead of just floating around in your huge pool of self-pity and victimhood, or you risk drowning in it. HE HAS SUFFERED, AS WELL...why not focus on what you can and need to do to make HIM feel a bit better about all of it? I think that is way too harsh. When people lose their job, it is natural that they would be upset. I don't see how that is narcissistic at all! It seems to me that this boyfriend bailed on HER at the first sign of rough waters. Instead of discussing the problem (it takes two to make a relationship work), he signed up for a matrimonial website! If she has another personal crisis (and we all do) what's this guy gonna do? Just take off? How do you have a relationship long-term with a guy like that? He didn't even call her! She had to call him.
bozwa Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Well, here's my two cents. If the two of you were in it for the long haul and cared deeply for eachother, why is it that he cut you loose the second you showed a sign of weakness? I guess I just don't understand this. When you love someone, you help them every way you can to get through the rough patch in their life (provided that person -- namely you -- wanted to be helped). That's part of being in love and being in a relationship. I was only with my bf for two MONTHS when he lost his job. He felt worthless and depressed not having a job. I wasn't living with him at the time, but I was THERE, helping him in every way I could. He showed weakness and I counteracted that with the strength that he couldn't muster right at that point. I helped him pick himself up, put his bearings together and move on. I think, if anything, that situation brought CLOSER TOGETHER rather than driving us apart. I have, over our year+ together, also shown him moments of weakness of my own. He was right there, holding me up, giving me strength and the support I needed to get through. The thought never crossed either of our minds to let the other go because of moments of weakness. We are all human, we ALL have moments of weakness, we ALL have times in our lives in which we fall down. And if we can't rely on the person we are with to help us in our times of need, then what is the point of it all? Don't change who you are to be with this guy. He just sounds rotten altogether.
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