Drmnlyzr Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Hi everyone, On 25th Dec, My boyfriend (who I thought is the love of my life and the best person I have ever known) gave me the most unforgettable gift...... He broke off with me for no reason... !! we spent two years together ... he was my mentor and my best friend .... he tought me so many important lessons in my life.... and did everything he could for my protection and happiness. I was madly in love with him and always thought of no one else but him.... He always said he is looking forward and doing everything he could so that we will be together forever. Altho I always felt even tho he is with me every min... he is not into me the way I am. on 25th .... I found out he is registered in a matrimonial website and looking for a bride for him. When I asked about ... he got mad that I spied and then said : He is not sure that it is working and that I am the best person for him .... and He wanted to date other people so that he can compare me with them .....and give me more value.... He wanted the best for me and after two years I was a trashhh... After two years of happy relationship ... suddenly for him our background became different ... and we became two entirely different people ... I was broken totally ..... and that night he said " its over..." (the word i will never forget) !!!! That day was the worst day of my life ... and who I talked with that day was not my boyfriend... he was someone else.... Please help me guys ... I am not able to getout of it ... i talked with my friends, trying to keep me busy ... focusing on other things but not able to forget what happend. although he is gone for me forever ..... I still pray to god that day wouldn't have come in my life ... I wish I wouldn't have asked about the martimonial site......... i wish i would have him for my whole life. I wish i would have the perfect guy of my life.....
Author Drmnlyzr Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Please guys .... I need your help
Freddy Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Hi there, sorry hear you in so much pain. He did indeed give you a gift, that he can no longer hurt you. If this guy is looking on a matrimony site then he was already thinking of leaving you. I know it hurts and I hope more people will respond. Go ahead and post more about the pain, it will help.
s_n_d Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Im so sorry to hear that your in so much pain. In time itll get better..I promise. Itll take you a while to get over him..Thats for sure. Its only been two months since my ex and i broke up but I still love him as much as i did when we were together and maybe even more. But do you want a man like that? You sure as hell dont deserve to be treated like this. && I know right now your thinking "what do these people on here know..They probably have never met someone as amazing as this guy of mine".. And i know you probably dont even want to get over him. Stay strong and SMILE(even though its hard to right now). && If you need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me. Id be happy to help. And ofcourse these forums are a huge help(to me anyways).
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Hello SND and Freddy, Thanks for your words. Things have changed a little bit here..... on 30th Dec, I couldn't control myself and called him. Asked him how is he and told him that I am not good without him. He said that I know its hard and its hard for both of us and that he was also not good. I asked him exactly what happen... he told me that I went very depepndent on him.... my be i was not used to of been taken care of before so when he did ... I stop caring for my life. He told me that when he met me ... i was a self dependednt girl and that was who he fell for.... Few months back i lost my job and may be that became a reason.... I was totally onto him ... crying ... going no where... being depresses.... May be I took him for granted and let out everything on him ....... He said my behaviour and not been capable of handling stress put him in doubt that i wont be able to take care of a family and him.... he started asking questions to himself ......... my neediness made him loose the respect. I understood what he said completely that every man wants an equal not a cry baby who look forward for a rescue...... I asked him to give each other second chance and that I try to correct my mistake.... I told him that when i already know my mistake .... why not trying to repair the relationship instead just letting it wash away ... he agreed with him ..... and now we are together. I am planning to have a fresh start with him in this new year..... But now i am scared....... I already saw how miserable i was when he left me and that nothing made him call me but it was I who called.... even tho its a second chance for me ... would he be able to forget it? ..... will he not think that whatever I am doing being the changed me .... is doing so that we will get married and after that i will be the same? ......... I dont know if I am doing a right thing or not .... but I just wanted to give myself a second chance so that in future if it wont work out ... i wont regret it that i did not do enff to save it. Even tho i realize my mistake .... i donno if i will be able to convince him on that or not.... will he be able to completely forget the past and will be able to adapt new me? ... or will one sign of my weakness will ruin everything. Please help me guys ..... I am miserable that every before ... he is there but I have a fear of loosing him because i have already seen the pain. I am not sure if my acts now will make him believe that i have changed or he will think I am acting to get him back..... Please help as soon as possible ....
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I dont think anyone forgets the argument fights etc and even a break that a couple has. But the key is to acknowledge the past and try to make your future with eachother better. Things will be different now that your giving it a second chance. They almost never go back to being like it was before. Sometimes its good, sometimes its bad. And if he acts differently now than he did when you were FIRST together, dont get mad at him. Dont talk about what went wrong the first time around. But at the same time, dont ignore it.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 IF you get back with him you will be scared of making a wrong move all the time, can you truly with with that for a long time? It will be difficult for you to trust him after he split with you. He doesnt sound worth it.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Hi, he not think that whatever I am doing being the changed me .... is doing so that we will get married and after that i will be the same?........ will he be able to completely forget the past and will be able to adapt new me? ... or will one sign of my weakness will ruin everything. You are doubting yourself. You already went throught the pain, you know what it's like. If it happens again you'll be where you were before. As if nothing had changed. Just do whatever you have to do, no need to worry about the posibilities. Be happy that he is with you now. It's a good thinkg that he saw the pain. Now he knows how much you love him, guys value that too. Good luck and take it easy, Ariadne
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Thanks for all your words Snd, Sara and Ariadne, You guys are the sweethearts ....... I am acting very normal in these two days ..... i called him as usual and he did that too..... he was the same as we were earlier .... that night when I called him up ... i asked him to discuss everything all over again.... he cooperated and talked about how and where things went wrong ... he said that when we were going thro breakup.... (tho' it was just 5 days ... felt like years of pain) he looked at my pics and i would be atleast the one he met two years back.. he said that it was scary that if he cares for me ... i became so dependent. which believe me guys... i understood completely..... and now i am trying to be what I always was ..... i know i will change pretty soon. but ... what if he will never be able to trust that new me ... what if he will always be in the doubt that i am doing it to get back to him only ... which he asked specifically. I told him that its not his life but mine too and i wont lie or act anything because later if things will go wrong ...it will ruin both of us.... he said that it took some time for him to loose the love for him so it will take time for him to trust me completely back but he has a faith in this relationship. My doubt it ... would this relationship be worth my time and effort? .... would he be ablle to love me back? ......I dont know much about guys psychology but when i realized my mistake ... i thought of repairing a relationship and giving a second chance to me and someone i know and love since so long..... instead of getting into a new one and investing myself all over again.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 My doubt it ... would this relationship be worth my time and effort? .... would he be ablle to love me back? ......I dont know much about guys psychology but when i realized my mistake ... i thought of repairing a relationship and giving a second chance to me and someone i know and love since so long..... And there's no need for doubting. If it happens it happens, there's nothing you can do to prevent that. For now just know that he decided it was worth to be with you. He must have his reasons. Trust him. Ariadne
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 snd... Please tell me what should i do ? ... should I call him as usual or pull back a little bit..... because it is a long distance relationship ... ** but not too bad as we meet very ofter and always try to be in touch with each other** How would i balance it now? when he already knows that i know he is watching me .... I cant believe i made all those mistake and went so stupid
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 The main question is Do YOU love him? Once you have answered that question to yourself, you know if the relationship is worth your time and effort. He has to be willing to make an effort too though. How long were you two apart for again? It seems to have slipped my mind...
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 "For now just know that he decided it was worth to be with you. He must have his reasons. Trust him." ....... I hear you completely .... but earlier he never told me anything about the impact in our relationship except asking me to be positive ..... and at that time i cried and agrued with him that i am so alone and i dont have a job...... i am very career oriented and being jobless made me feel i am not worth anyone .... may be after i lost the job ... made me have the fear of loosing him (that he will leave me because i dont have a job) ... and i started forcing the imtimacy What is now also my acts will only make him feel that i am not good enough for him? ..... i know you said not to worry about anything ..... but i cant help these whys and what ifs..... i guess i am still broken and scared of breakup time ... i cant stop thinking about it .....
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 snd... Please tell me what should i do ? ... should I call him as usual or pull back a little bit..... because it is a long distance relationship ... ** but not too bad as we meet very ofter and always try to be in touch with each other** How would i balance it now? when he already knows that i know he is watching me .... I cant believe i made all those mistake and went so stupid Have you tried No contact? If so.. For how long?
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 "For now just know that he decided it was worth to be with you. He must have his reasons. Trust him." ....... I hear you completely .... but earlier he never told me anything about the impact in our relationship except asking me to be positive ..... and at that time i cried and agrued with him that i am so alone and i dont have a job...... i am very career oriented and being jobless made me feel i am not worth anyone .... may be after i lost the job ... made me have the fear of loosing him (that he will leave me because i dont have a job) ... and i started forcing the imtimacy What is now also my acts will only make him feel that i am not good enough for him? ..... i know you said not to worry about anything ..... but i cant help these whys and what ifs..... i guess i am still broken and scared of breakup time ... i cant stop thinking about it ..... No doubt..It IS hard. And it got a lot harder for me as more and more time flew by...Im still in the same state of mind that i was in when we broke up. I just dont understand him. Everything was perfect between us..apart from the few fights we had........
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Yes Snd (would really help if I can call u by ur name ) ..... I really love him ... not just emotionally but since he the man (emotional, secure, well established) i wanna end up with...... But its not just feminine need (althougth these needs play a very imptt part) ... these needs come when u choose to date someone ..... but now after knowing him in person .... i could not stop falling for him completely that i even stopped looking at anymore options for me ..... The breakup happend on 25th when i saw his messages in a matrimonial site ... which he used to say that his parents set up for him and he has got nothing to do with that..... but when i saw his message (for the first time ... ) i burst out ... saying that did he think about me once ...... then he told me that he is in the self doubt about us working out ... I called him up on 30th to have a second change ..... rest i know
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 What exactly is no contact ..... ??? ..... if its just being in each others life and giving some time?? .....we dont need it because as i said its LDR ... we have our time for us..... but yeah even tho its LDR ... we trust each other
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Infact .... i am so insecure right now ... i went to book store looking for some relationship rescue book ...... found Dr Phil..... No offense to him but I could not understand anything whatever i read ...moreover could not relate his words to my situation ... which is very very important if i need to correct something
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 What exactly is no contact ..... ??? ..... if its just being in each others life and giving some time?? .....we dont need it because as i said its LDR ... we have our time for us..... but yeah even tho its LDR ... we trust each other No contact means NO contact. Not texting him or calling or emailing. NO contact with him whatsoever. I think Im going to do that for a while. Maybe a month or so. I texted him to wish him a happy new year and after this, Im going to completely ignore him for a month..Maybe more. Im doing this in the hopes that he will see what life is like without me in it.. I have nothing to lose. I have lost him already.. The love of my life.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Hi, at that time i cried and agrued with him that i am so alone and i dont have a job...... i am very career oriented and being jobless made me feel i am not worth anyone .... Not having a job is the best thing that can happen to you. You are free. I didn't have a job for three years and I was happier than ever, now I have a job and I hate going to work, but I "have to" (you know, need the money and all that crap). may be after i lost the job ... made me have the fear of loosing him (that he will leave me because i dont have a job) ... and i started forcing the imtimacy That makes sense, that you were afraid. Just understand that being afraid is useless, just say, what happens happens. You'll figure out what to do when the time comes. What is now also my acts will only make him feel that i am not good enough for him? ..... He should value the fact that you love him, what good would it be some other woman that didn't love him as much as you do? Good luck with getting together and not be a LDR.
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 but how did you loose him? i thought u got back right ...... i would say if you are repairing the damage .... this is not the right time to be in no contact .... this might just be a big mistake if u really love this man ...... right now things are as vulnurable as it was at the begining ...... i would say ....just be there on ur own and let him make moved (which i cant do by myself .... but alteast better than no contact what so ever)
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Infact .... i am so insecure right now ... i went to book store looking for some relationship rescue book ...... found Dr Phil..... No offense to him but I could not understand anything whatever i read ...moreover could not relate his words to my situation ... which is very very important if i need to correct something Haha Dr. Phil. I do not like the guy... I think that most times he does nothing to solve the problem. And ofcourse I dont relate to him either.
Ariadne Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 .... this is not the right time to be in no contact .... this might just be a big mistake if u really love this man ...... No contact is really stupid in my opinion. But people love it here, is like "God" or something. God = NC.
Author Drmnlyzr Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 "He should value the fact that you love him, what good would it be some other woman that didn't love him as much as you do?" ..... Ariadne ..... should I be exactly the same as i was earlier ... or should i pull back a little??
s_n_d Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 No contact is really stupid in my opinion. But people love it here, is like "God" or something. God = NC. Hahaha I agree. I dont like the idea of NC. But if you want to get over a person i think NC is a good way to start.
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