PerfectLee Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 What's the stupidest/most childish fight you've ever been in with your spouse or GF/BF? I'm curious, because sometimes my GF & I have the stupidest fights, & it makes you wonder... Why are we fighting over something ridiculous?
armywife915 Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 My H and I have a lot of stupid fights and I have to say most of them happen because he takes a text message the wrong way. He will usually flip and say I am done texting bye. How childish is that??? Lol. It's funny after the fact I guess.
quankanne Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 great signature, AW ... was he back for Christmas? Or home soon? back to the question: the day before Dec. 24 we were planning our menu for company, so we would know what to eat and what to keep for Christmas Day. DH asked no less than THREE times that night what we were doing, and it just irritated me that he wasn't paying attention. Told him that I'd slap him upside the head with the damned ham if he asked again! now it's kind of funny, but then? It sounded like a little kid pestering someone with the same damned questions!
Author PerfectLee Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 I wish my GF and I could find a way to laugh at these silly little fights that end up escalated. We fought over oatmeal the other day, it was ridiculous. Wish we were mud wrestling in oatmeal instead. lol
Phateless Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 One of my buddies once called me drunk off his ass, walking like 10 miles home cuz he and his girl got in a raging fight. I guess the next day he called her and they were both so drunk that neither one of them could remember what they were fighting about, so they just called a truce and everything was hunky-dory. I literally was lol for a while at that one.
quankanne Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Wish we were mud wrestling in oatmeal instead. try telling her that in the heat of the argument. Who knows? It might just diffuse the situation.
Touche Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 You said it makes you wonder. About what? In my opinion, WHAT you fight about is not as important as the way in which you fight. Is there silent treatment and/or name-calling? Those are the red flags to watch for. How do you resolve the silly spats. With humor maybe? Or does one or the other of you always give in. Those are the things to be examining because all couples pretty much, have spats over stupid stuff. It's how the spats play themselves out that is important in the health and viability of any long-term relationship.
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 If she tried to make you eat oatmeal straight, I would be fighting to the death over this one!
Author PerfectLee Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 In my opinion, WHAT you fight about is not as important as the way in which you fight. Is there silent treatment and/or name-calling? I agree with the ways we fight are more important than the actual topic. We don't do the silent treatment or name calling. I wish she was trying to make me eat oatmeal straight. lol She just always escalates stupid petty things from a battle into a WAR. Once it turns that way, it's hard to turn around and say "Hey uh...5 minutes ago, when we fighting over oatmeal...that was kinda funny huh?" and then make a cute puppy dog face. More often than not, one of us gives in. I said I wondered because I've heard of others fighting over petty things, but my GF & I are both hard headed, stubborn, poker-faced (can't tell if we're serious or joking sometimes) and defensive. Bad combination? Yeah, sometimes. I need to figure out a way to take our great personalities & great sense of humor and throw it into our fights so it doesn't escalate.
Touche Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Do you both give in about equally? Or does one of you give in more than the other? Also, it's fully within YOUR control to use humor to diffuse any argument and keep it from escalating, Quank suggested. My H and I do that all the time. Sometimes I'll start imitating him and parody whatever it is that he was saying and we end up laughing. I don't do it in a mean way though. My H will do the same type of thing, like he'll say "I'm Queen Touche' and I know what's best for everyone and everything has to be done my way." He'll do funny body language, like he'll sashay around looking regal or something:laugh: Of course I end up laughing. That works with relatively unimportant things. Important issues are not swept under the rug but are dealt with without yelling.
Citizen Erased Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 My bf and I have had some big ones alright. For instance, I got pissy at him one night for ignoring me when we were out with some friends. Normally I don't care, but I had ALOT to drink that night. We ended up having a fight near the door of the club, he stormed out and actually walked home I mean, we weren't that far from home, it's about a 15-20 minute drive. But it was 1 in the morning, freezing cold, fog everywhere and he was pretty drunk. I was still angry with him but his friend insisted on driving around looking for him. We couldn't find him and ended up going back to our house. He turned up not much later and we had awesome make-up sex. I still wonder how he managed to have sex after all of that walking/running he did But normally we have sort of mock fights, it gets it out of our systems. I think his parents think we are being serious, but whatever, it works for us
annieo Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 A question - do these fights happen more often during pms times for both/one of you? I got pissed off at my h the other day, in the car. We were listening to a disc while driving to his folks, and he said "I love this song" about a song that goes on about how some sexy girl has got "Powers" (by Blackalicious by the way, awesome music) and I got my shorts in a knot because I had a massive zit on my face, felt bloated and ugly and wasn't feeling my own sexy "powers" at that point in time. I didn't start a big bitch session (mostly because the kids were in the car) but I did get peevish and said something irritable to him. I have 3 letters for you: PMS. Got my period like 12 hours later. Looking back on it, I realize I was being stupid, but at the time, I felt justified in my anger, and that he was a big wanker and why do I put up with him?!? Crazy, yes a little. Fortunately, he and I both know that I have a few days a month where my bearings are off and he takes some of the thngs I say with a grain of salt. Kind of like I do when he wakes up grumpy or has a ****ty day at work. I hate to use hormones as an excuse, but I really do get into spoiling for a fight mode at this particular time.
Author PerfectLee Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Do you both give in about equally? Or does one of you give in more than the other? We're pretty equal w/each other. I loved your story about "I'm Queen Touche'. If I feel justified or passionate about something I tend to shout in the argument. Normally I'm a very patient & calm person, moreso than her, but she really knows how to get my blood boiling. darlin_coco-Make-up sex is great. We do that sometimes too, and I hate hate hate being ignored when we're out with friends. It makes me feel like I'm only important when we're alone. My GF works a lot so when we go out she's very talkative and interactive w/everyone. I guess I'm selfish, but I need love to! lol annieo-You're not crazy, just crazy in that moment! lol I know the feeling believe me. But you bring up a great point, that the time of the month has a lot to do with it. It explains a lot actually....
annieo Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 annieo-You're not crazy, just crazy in that moment! lol I know the feeling believe me. But you bring up a great point, that the time of the month has a lot to do with it. It explains a lot actually.... Thanks, I'll cancel the appointment with a therapist. Just kidding. I find that simply making my h (and my kids, for that matter) aware of the fact that the calendar says it's angry week takes the pressure off them and me. I'm probably traumatizing my 11 year old son with too much information, but assuming he one day has a relationship with a woman, he will be ahead of the game!
Touche Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 Well that is an excellent sign...I mean the fact that one of you isn't always the one to give in or back down - that it's pretty equal. Glad you liked my Queen Touche' story. But you know, you can get passionate about something without yelling and/or letting it escalate. It's really fully in your control. Believe me, I know what you meant. My H (we're married over 12 years by the way) can be extremely stubborn and can frustrate me to no end but it's fully within my control how I let it affect me. And I've noticed that depending on how I react, it can either escalate or de-escalate. We've both just kind of learned that about each other. Try it out...next time she makes your blood boil, try humor. Sometimes I even take this approach: "Yes, I'm wrong. I have NO idea what the hell I'm talking about. You're right." I know that may sound sarcastic and childish, but this works for us sometimes. It makes my H stop and think and re-assess my point of view. Because if I just keep butting heads with him and if I keep trying to defend my position that just makes him defend his position more...it escalates it. So try some of these "strategies." You might be surprised to find that in time, she responds in kind. That she lightens up. And you can both learn how to relate to each other in a different way that works for both of you.
underpants Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I think you should take a spoonful of oatmeal and throw it at her. Then she should act accordingly. Then you will be wrestling in oatmeal. *disclaimer...single*
Trialbyfire Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I can see that Queen Touche has deigned to provide her wisdom to the masses. Good advice Touche. Also, if you need something a little more intense, read Geish's advice. It's wonderful, difficult but an awesome way to handle things. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140062/
Citizen Erased Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 darlin_coco-Make-up sex is great. We do that sometimes too, and I hate hate hate being ignored when we're out with friends. It makes me feel like I'm only important when we're alone. My GF works a lot so when we go out she's very talkative and interactive w/everyone. I guess I'm selfish, but I need love to! lol Yes, yes it is Like I said, normally I don't mind. I think I just wanted to have a fight for some weird, twisted reason. But I can see how you would get frustrated by it, some of my friends struggle with it, and it is nothing to just be dismissed.
Author PerfectLee Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Wow-I thought I was the only one being ignored sometimes. lol Good to know. I read that whole thread w/Geish's posts.... I think I'm going to go read it again. I guess my main complaint here is that my GF asks questions but she doesn't want an answer. She speaks her statements in the form of a question. So when I proceed to answer her, I get "Don't cut me off!" I use the "I" statements frequently "I feel that..." "I think that you..." and her response is "Now you know how I feel." Our relationship is the 1st real serious relationship for her, she's admitted that she's unsure how to communicate or express herself sometimes. She's no "expert" on relationships, therefore it's like she has a ticket (excuse) to "F" up. So when I express myself with no "attack" type of words and she responds with "Now you know how I feel" (obviously she's resentful & that's a different thread altogether) or "ok...so what are you gonna do about it?" my response to that is usually silence. T-minus 2 minutes....we're at WAR!
armywife915 Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 great signature, AW ... was he back for Christmas? Or home soon? back to the question: the day before Dec. 24 we were planning our menu for company, so we would know what to eat and what to keep for Christmas Day. DH asked no less than THREE times that night what we were doing, and it just irritated me that he wasn't paying attention. Told him that I'd slap him upside the head with the damned ham if he asked again! now it's kind of funny, but then? It sounded like a little kid pestering someone with the same damned questions! Yes he was home for Christmas. He wasn't in Iraq yet just away for training. He leaves in 4 days. Anyways...I can totally believe fighting over oatmeal. What I usually do when we fight about something so stupid is I bring it up later in a sarcastic way. The way I try to look at it is a bunch of little stupid fights are better than one huge one that could end tragically. Lol.
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