jumping-jacks Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 We had been dating for 5 weeks. I went home and she wasn't good about returning my calls or texts and I could tell something was up. After prodding she indicated she wanted to take things down a couple notches and just hang out as friends. She is applying to grad school ad looking for a job and doesn't want to be tied down at this point. There are two things that factor into this reaction. 1) We had sex, a very big deal for her. She was not comfortable and left afterwards admitting it was her mistake, she thought it would be ok. She thinks its a bad thing and embarrassing but sends conflicting signals. IN this regard she has some pretty significant issues and is very conflicted. 2) She came to visit me (at her request) and stayed at my parents house meeting them. She then stayed at my apartment 4 nights in a row and we weren't apart. Going to her family's house, dinner with them, dinner at her grandmothers house. She said that she thought it would all be ok since I left for a few days. I then (probably shouldn't have) told her I was in love with her. After four days the pit in my stomach is finally gone, but I'm still hurt. She now wants to start over as friends and see if we can fill in the blanks that we skipped by getting to serious too fast. I'm not contacting her and waiting for her to call me. Thoughts?
Jilly Bean Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Well, she's right. It sounds like things moved WAY too fast. I have had "relationships" like this - hot and heavy from the get-go. But, they also fizzle out quickly. In order to have a chance at longevity, I think you need to take more time to build a good foundation. You didn't do that the first time. Read a book called "Mars and Venus On A Date". It's a John Gray book and talks about the stages of dating - from attraction, to exclusivity, to commitment, etc. I think you could find some real value in it.
Legend Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 You guys moved way too fast. I don't see anything coming from it. Sucks man, but it's time to move on.
Author jumping-jacks Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 Thanks for the replies. I think the are right. One reason I may be reacting so strongly is this is the first girl I've dated in 1.5 years and asking her out was a really big deal. I guess the positive is that the sex issue would arise eventually (no pun intended) because as accommodating as I am willing to be I think we were just incompatible. Looking back there are other things that trouble me. After we had sex until we broke up she wouldn't kiss me. To me that signals a pretty deep seeded conviction about sex and relationships. The fact that she got up and left immediately really hurt me and I probably would have a hard time working that out. I've never been one to move on, but I think I've got some momentum now to get out there.
Author jumping-jacks Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) So here's a question for those of you who have been in many relationships: Why do we hold onto the idea, if rationally there are so many reasons it won't work? Am I afraid to never find anyone or is it just instant gratification is better than nothing? Each time a relationship ends I feel like I will be alone forever... On a better note I have vastly improved my flirting and dating, so I'm moving on. Edited December 31, 2007 by jumping-jacks sp
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