child_of_isis Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Thank you Mr. Lucky. I had been thinking the same. Your post confirmed and validated my thoughts. I am being torn between 'help him through this' vs. 'I can't be treated like this'. The "I can't be treated like this" is winning.I guess that was my point - no one should be treated like that. I hope the pain you're obviously going through gains you a chance at the happiness you deserve. Stay strong... Mr. Lucky
JustBreathe Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 I disagree that you should sit back and do nothing, that's just enabling him. He's been like this for 18 months already and maybe longer! Just how much crap are you suppoed to eat?? He needs to snap out of it and realize what he's got at home, a loving wife and two daughters who need him. If he half hearted about fixing your marriage, then it's up to you as to how much you will put up with. Sometimes you have to put your foot down. Men do not want a wife who has no respect for herself. Also, it is life sucking to feel so frustrated, confused and sad. How old are your girls? Do they really need him around 24/7? Maybe a short break is in order, just to clear your head if nothing else. Provided you can get through it without crying and begging him to come home. He needs a good kick in the behind. Bottom line: He will continue with this crap for as long as you allow it. I could go on and on but i don't want to threadjack. Basically, it was only when I kicked him out that he got his act together. But by then we had waited too long for change, I tolerated too much trash, years of it, and now my love for him is just not there. It is possible to wait too long to take action. I sincerely hope this does not happen to your marriage. I say, and perhaps this is merely a reflection of what happened in my marriage - that you put your foot down NOW before he goes too far, pushes you past your limit, and your love for him is lost forever.
Heart Broken Geek Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Sounds to me like you screwed up. You got sucked in to your little world where the woman is the most imporant thing and you lost your husband and the father of your daughters. Good work!
JustBreathe Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Geek.. that was a nasty thing to say. I hope you feel better for having said something so cruel to someone in her position. Go back to Science class before the teacher see's your missing and gives you a detention.
Tomcat33 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Hi Libertybelle: It is possible that your H is feeling pent up resentment for all those years but it seems very odd that at this particular time and place of his life he would act on that resentment. I don't mean to plant a bad seed in your head but this is what I am thinking, it sounds like there might be someone else. Men become irritable, distant, unreasonable and extremely moody when they are getting their intimacy somewhere else, it is also out of guilt. One last thing and this could mean nothing, but about three years ago I tried online dating on this very popular free site. I was hit on by at least 3 firemen who turned out to be married and looking for something on the side. Their profiles were pretty bare and they did not have pictures up but one of them pretty much put it out there right away that he was looking for something discreet since he was married, and I had already caugt on to this by this point. Another reelled me in a bit he was very attractive and we connected then he dropped the bomb that he was married, deleted him ASAP and but then this other one I made it my point to "befriend" him I really wanted to figure out why all these firemen where doing this. He was very interested in dating so he seemed to open up quite a bit, he was very agressive and though I told him from the get go it would never happen he did end up telling me quite a bit about why he was there. Well he said the typical, that his W neglected him after the baby (had a newborn at home) and he needed the sex. (YUCK!!!!) But then when I later asked why he would sneak around on a dating site like that passing his picture around to women, was he not afraid he would get caught or his profile end up in the wrong hands or that he would mess aorund with the wrong girl and lose his W and baby and he said "I know it's wrong but at the fire station we do this a lot and we all look out for each other, I have a lot of buddies that are on here with men and word gets around what the women are like in the city and it's all good" It shocked me and turned my stomach to think there was this tight knit community or firemen, the men with honour who save human's lives and people look up to yet how could they be so utterly dispicable in other ways. It was really strange that they all happened to be firemen. I'm not saying this is your H but it just reminded me of my past experience, good luck I hope it's not what we are thinking....
Author libertybelle Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 TomCat: Your message was very thought provoking. I am having a hard time believing or understanding the pent up resentment all of a sudden myself. And alot of things for that matter. Anyway, I know firemen are a close knit bunch and they certainly have the time for some side action. I hate to even think that but who knows. As of right now both of us stay out of each others way until if and when this can ever be sorted out. Thanks for the heads-up.
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