marie89 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 ok, i just joined this website so im nto 2 sure how the protocol goes... but oh well. I met this guy about a month ago, and we've been seeing each other pretty casually. I haven't been seeing anyone else, but not because I'm not allowed but because i just chose not to. As far as I know he hasnt seen any one else either. So anyway, its been pretty casual so far. Now, I always knew he would be leaving in March but it didn't bother me because March is so far away I didn't even know if I would still be seeing him then. Recently in the last week he has been acting more serious hinting that he might want a relationship. But here is the confusing part. A couple of days ago he told me he is moving to another city approximaely 5 hours away in 3 weeks. He recently had been offered a job there and he was going. So I figured well thats it this semi-relationship is going to be over in 3 weeks. As I said before we have been really casual so it didn't really bother me that he was leaving. BUT these past couple of days he has been really well the only way I can describe it is boyfriend-like. Now last night, I met a bunch of his friends for the first time. As I got introduced to them they all already knew about me. And for the whole night wen ever they talked to me about the guy it would be "your boyfriend is over there." or "your boyfriend is buying this round" at first I just took it as a joke but eventually it started feeling like they meant it. So that had me a little confused because as far as I knew he was leaving and we weren't going to see each other again. Then as we were walking to go to another club, he pulls me aside from all his friends and starts asking me what I think of him and what do I want to do in the future. Basically he wants to continue seein eachother after he moves. I've told him i will think about it but I really dont know what to do. I do like him, but the whole time I've seen him I have been telling myself not to get attached because he's leaving. Now that I know he wants to continue I don't even know what I want to do lol. I've never been in a LDR before, and even though its only 5 hours away, I think that my be too far for me to have a realtionship. So basically I would like some advice on what to do, and find out if the LDR is really worth it.
Jilly Bean Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I'm totally anti-LDR. I think people who have them are involved in fantasy relationships, as I don't see how there is any intimacy with someone you see infrequently. And then when you do see them, it's honeymoon time, because it's been so long since you've been together. It creates a false mood where everyone is always on their best behavior and you completely avoid dealing with each other on a daily basis. It's just not realistic to me, though I know people do it, and get something out of it. Perhaps he is trying to use you as a transitional object during the stress of the move, and somehow it will make it easier on him to think you will help with that. Or, he could genuinely have feelings for you. Who knows. Decision comes down to if you want a LDR with him at all. I don't think I would casually date someone for a month, and then be ready to sign up for a LDR in a few months. I guess you can continue to date him and see how you feel then, but know that if it does work out, sounds like you would need to relocate your life to move with him, eventually. So, consider that outcome as well.
highsierra Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Jilly said it best.... and I couldn't agree more.... LDR's are really not fun and an emotional rollercoaster....from my ecxperiences
Author marie89 Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 Thanx for your input. I'm actually leaving the country for a month soon, and I will visit him at his new town the night before I leave. While I'm gone we'll just play things by ear and see how it goes. Depending on how that month goes I may spend a few days with him when I get back before heading home again. And I guess we'll figure out what we're doing then. I really don't think a LDR is for me. But at the same time I really do like him and would like to have continued the relationship. Another aspect to consider is i was already considering leaving my job before the whole object of him leaving came up. I don't know yet if I will for sure. And I haven't told him either because I know he will try to persuade me to move with him, he's already sugested it as a joke. And it just sounds so serious when we've only known each other for a month and have been acting pretty casual to eachother. At least I have been trying to. I think the best thing to do would be to let things run its own course, I won't make any life changing decisions based on him, because lets face it I don't know the guy all that well. 2 months from now we could suddenly decide we hate each other. I have a feeling that this relationship is going to end, but thats life.
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