upto_here Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Hi guys first of all wishing you all the best in the new year to come..and bring more joy and most important i hope you can sort out all your personal problems.....i havn't been post here for a while cause im in the progress of healing myself or you can call it picking myself up from the mess i was in...some of you may not know briefly i have been nc with the exmm since august this year but everyday lives is a different things to deal with ..i have moved away from him my life is form and firm now but my mind i always thought of him our anniversary together my b'day the new year we celebrated together...its haunted me..like a shadow ..the mind told me to contact him in the new year cause i just wanted it to be good <the end of the r it's not that great!!> and set the record straight..as in the years to come when i getting older i don't want to regret it that i should have done the right thing for once...but on the other hands he had put me tru pain so much ...i jsut want to be certain that what i'm about to do its will be the right thing...if you have any opinion please feel free..thanks..
child_of_isis Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 If I recall correctly...one poster contacted (or was contacted by MM) MM after 18 months and ended up at square one. Is this what you want? Are you willing to go back to day one of the pain process?
PoshPrincess Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 Up To Here, my advice is DON'T. CoI is right. It will only set you back to square one again. I myself am rubbish at NC and despite exMM not contacting me, every now and again I make contact with him. It's been 9 weeks now though and I know that if I made contact (agreed - v tempting at this time of year!) I know I would regret it and feel like sh*t about myself again. At least this way, we have some control. You have been SO strong going for 4 months or more. Don't give up now! Just keep posting here. All the best for 2008 x
frannie Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 ..the mind told me to contact him in the new year cause i just wanted it to be good <the end of the r it's not that great!!> and set the record straight..as in the years to come when i getting older i don't want to regret it that i should have done the right thing for once...but on the other hands he had put me tru pain so much ... Hmm. Well, what is it you want to change, or to get from this? What if he doesn't respond, or responds in a way that upsets you, how would you feel then? What if he responds and it's all lovely and you manage to forget the pain you say he put you through..? Just ask yourself very carefully what it is exactly you want from this 'setting straight' of the record. Because if it's you wanting something, you may not get what you want, and that could just hurt you more than anything. Also, it's only been about four months, and in NC terms that's very little... (I've done 4 months of NC myself and nothing really changed for either of us..)
PoshPrincess Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 What if he doesn't respond, or responds in a way that upsets you, how would you feel then? Hell yeah, this is even worse than getting a 'positive' response and being back at square one. I have had the 'no response' thing more than once and it hurts like hell. Why do I keep doing it to myself? Why don't I have more pride?
Author upto_here Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 thank you very much for your response..and suggestion...i too still don't know why i really want to " set the record straight " even though deep down i really hurt and back off ,sometime i thought i wanted the answer of all my question but at the same time i always remind myself that it will do me more harm than good...i do know...its just that i have to fight all the tempted ..that i said so i just post here instead to get a clear view of all the aspect...and yes you guys are dead right it will set me back to square one again and it even more scary that if he's not response..and completely ignore...i don't think i can stand that either...even today i set myself a new year resolution that i must get tru this i come this far and hell no i don't want to break my own heart over and over again ...sometime i was so scared of the person inside me...are you guys ever feel the same? how you handle things so good?
imstunned Posted December 30, 2007 Posted December 30, 2007 I'm in the same situation. I am desperate to contact my ex. I would say he knows me well enough to know I'll be thinking of him. Whether he is thinking of me or not is another matter . .. .I havent a clue! So. . . I figure If he is thinking of me and I DONT contact him he will be a little miffed, I will apprear a liitle mysterious and he may even be a bit bugged!! If he isnt thinking of me - well nothing lost there either, as if I do contact him it would only be annoying for him as I wanst on his mind, and I'll look stupid. Think of it this way and continued NC is a win win situation. (well thats what I am trying to tell myself anyway).
Author upto_here Posted December 30, 2007 Author Posted December 30, 2007 I'm in the same situation. I am desperate to contact my ex. I would say he knows me well enough to know I'll be thinking of him. Whether he is thinking of me or not is another matter . .. .I havent a clue! So. . . I figure If he is thinking of me and I DONT contact him he will be a little miffed, I will apprear a liitle mysterious and he may even be a bit bugged!! If he isnt thinking of me - well nothing lost there either, as if I do contact him it would only be annoying for him as I wanst on his mind, and I'll look stupid. Think of it this way and continued NC is a win win situation. (well thats what I am trying to tell myself anyway). Thanks stunned ..i know you not different from my position ..i did think like that sometimes especially when i'm alone...its the worst part of it all as much as i try to blocked it away...its always haunted me especially last year we have spend new years together even though its in the work place...and years is gone by so fast ,..as sometime i wanted it to stay that way..guess that i have to be realistic..to admit that yes he loves his family and of course he wanted to make it work..not that i want to break their m anyway ...i have to let go of him properly once and for all..
frannie Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 ... i come this far and hell no i don't want to break my own heart over and over again ...sometime i was so scared of the person inside me...are you guys ever feel the same? how you handle things so good? Yes, you have come so far, and it would be terrible to spoil it all now by giving him back the power to affect your happiness with a few words or none at all. Yes, I do feel the same, and handling it is not at all easy. It's hard. The only thing to do is to concentrate on being responsible for your own happiness... concentrating on what things you can do for yourself that make you feel good. Because when you find what they are, you are in control, yes..? You can make yourself feel good, and happy any time. Which has to be better than relying on someone else... because if you rely on someone else to make your life worth living, if they choose not to... it is devastating to you. So... that's what I do. Find what I love, what makes me feel good, what makes me laugh, what interests me, what I can lose myself in. And fill my life with that. Doesn't mean you have to shut anyone out, just make sure that you're in control of your own happiness
PoshPrincess Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I'm in the same situation. I am desperate to contact my ex. I would say he knows me well enough to know I'll be thinking of him. Whether he is thinking of me or not is another matter . .. .I havent a clue! So. . . I figure If he is thinking of me and I DONT contact him he will be a little miffed, I will apprear a liitle mysterious and he may even be a bit bugged!! If he isnt thinking of me - well nothing lost there either, as if I do contact him it would only be annoying for him as I wanst on his mind, and I'll look stupid. Think of it this way and continued NC is a win win situation. (well thats what I am trying to tell myself anyway). I'm totally with ImStunned on this. I saw my exMM a few days ago. At one time, I would have sent him a message after saying something along the lines of 'it was lovely to catch up'. In the early days of our break-up I did get a response but not always. This time I resisted the temptation and felt so much better for it. I know there was nothing to be gained by contacting him. I felt good vibes from him when I saw him and I am happy to take that with me. If I had texted him and not got a reply that would have shattered all that. Maybe not the sanest way of thinking but it gets me through!
Recommended Posts