Grace112 Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I just came back from being overseas with my family for Christmas. My first instinct was to check my voice messages. Surely - he would've left me one to let me know personally that he was moving away. Peach martini in hand - obviously he didn't. And now - I'm headed to Paris tomorrow - the destination meant for our honeymoon in September - alone. I know I should be excited because it's been my lifelong dream to make it there. I just can't fathom that exactly one year ago - we were walking through the hotel we chose to get married in. Now he's gone and driving across the country towards a future that I'm not included in. I know it's stupid for me to have thought he would've said good-bye. I just hoped somewhere inside him he might care just a little. I feel like such an idiot - he already has his future planned out with his brand new girlfriend and 2 kids. Why would he bother looking back at me and the 5 years we spent together? I hurt him so badly he doesn't care to hear or see me again.
spookie Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I just came back from being overseas with my family for Christmas. My first instinct was to check my voice messages. Surely - he would've left me one to let me know personally that he was moving away. Peach martini in hand - obviously he didn't. And now - I'm headed to Paris tomorrow - the destination meant for our honeymoon in September - alone. I know I should be excited because it's been my lifelong dream to make it there. I just can't fathom that exactly one year ago - we were walking through the hotel we chose to get married in. Now he's gone and driving across the country towards a future that I'm not included in. I know it's stupid for me to have thought he would've said good-bye. I just hoped somewhere inside him he might care just a little. I feel like such an idiot - he already has his future planned out with his brand new girlfriend and 2 kids. Why would he bother looking back at me and the 5 years we spent together? I hurt him so badly he doesn't care to hear or see me again. Oh man. That last sentence about sums up my most negative thinking regarding my own situation - and I know exactly how you must feel. My ex broke up with me too, and after a while ended up cutting me completely out. I didn't do anything "wrong" like cheat, but him refusing to look back like that, after everything (we were each other's firsts for so much) left me thinking that maybe I did screw up somewhere, maybe I made some irrevocable mistakes that wounded him against me forever. But honestly - I think at the end of the day it wasn't me, just like it isn't you. That's just the way our exes deal with things. For some people, looking at the past, along with everyone in it, from an honest perspective is important. Others are more practical and prefer to rewrite their personal histories to suit their present states of mind. I'm pretty sure that's what our exes did. Objectively, there is no way anything we did was bad enough to merit the terms by which they remember us. So don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. It just wasn't mean to be. Can you imagine being married to a person who can get over 5 years of their life so easily?
Always Wrong Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I'm reading all of these stories and can't believe there are so many cruel people in this world. It makes me want to just give up. I feel very bad for you. Being treated like that is like being sucker punched by someone you don't even know for no reason at all.
s_n_d Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 I'm reading all of these stories and can't believe there are so many cruel people in this world. It makes me want to just give up. I feel very bad for you. Being treated like that is like being sucker punched by someone you don't even know for no reason at all. I second that.
so_sad Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 Grace, I'm a new poster here but I have read your story and remember it well, perhaps because it is quite similar to mine. My fiancé also left me after a 5-yr relationship, with no willingness to discuss reconciling. He has also treated me like I did him some terrible wrong, and in my darkest moments - especially right after the breakup 3 months ago - I really blamed myself. I thought back to every time that I was mean or the times when I could have been more nurturing and supportive than I was. I started believing that I had brought this on myself, that if I had been "better", he would have been happier and he wouldn't have left me. But when I think about it clearly I recognize that for every thing I did wrong, he did something wrong too. And it was not even within my power to "make him happy". I don't think there's any such thing as a long term relationship in which one person is perfect and the other one is to blame for all the problems. I am POSITIVE that your ex was not perfect, and that you were a much better partner than you're giving yourself credit for now. The things he is doing now speak volumes about him, not you. And in my opinion, the fact that he has jumped right into another serious relationship with a woman (and her kids!) makes me think that there is something seriously weird going on in his head that has little, if anything, to do with you. Anyway, let me tell you that I can completely sympathize with what you're going through right now. It is a dreadful thing to have to deal with - it's just the worst. But please don't make it worse by blaming yourself. It isn't your fault.
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